My lips are slick with spit and my mouth tastes like denture glue.James's mouth presses down on mine with no care for form or decorum. He'sjust devouring my mouth in his.

"Mmmrph... ooooh...mrrphmf," he pants with his weight pushing meinto the bed. "You're so good."

My legs are hooked into his arms and he pushes my knees into mychest. Clumsily his 63-year old cock hunts for my hole. I reach around mylegs and grab his cock and guide it into me. This causes him to raise hisface from mine leaving a long line of drool tenuously connecting ourmouths.

"Oh, James, fuck me! Fuck me, daddy!" I groan seductively gettinginto the part as I feel his dick slide into me.

"Oh yes...oh my god, yes....ugh...uuuh...yes," he continues towail. James isn't much of a talker. He mostly groans and says the usualshit most guys do when they're getting laid. You know, "oh yeah", "yes",moans, grunts, and a few fucks peppered in here and there. James figuresthat as his age all his energy should be focused on enjoying the sensationof his cock inside my ass while he tries to remember his lover who's beendead for the past 11 years.

His rocking motion of his pelvis into mine is jerky and jarring.The arthritis in his legs and his bad back keep him from fully pushing intome. Regardless I focus and try and my make ass muscles clench tightlyaround it. I know that my line work hasn't left me with the tightest pieceof ass, but I've learned that if you work at it, you can learn to controlthose muscles just like the muscles in your hand.

"Oh, daddy, fuck me harder," I groan louder knowing that that'swhat his lover used to say. "Ahhhh, fuuuuuck," I add faking that he'sgetting me close to cumming. The truth is I'm far from cumming, but if Ihave to, I can cum on demand.

"Ugggh, yesssss....yessss," croons James picking up the tempo ofhis spastic.

I'm leading him towards the edge. I start to thrash some, not toomuch or I might sending him flying off the bed towards another hipreplacement surgery. The spittle connecting us finally breaks and landsmostly on my cheek. Gross, huh? Not really. As you can imagine I've hadworse stuff on my face.

"Ooooooh! Oooooh! Oooooh! Yes!" screams James. And it's not justany scream. Have you ever heard an old man scream when he's blowing hisload? Let me tell you, it's not like the sex with someone who's in his20's or 30's. The older men that I've had the privilege of servicing arejust like James. They yell and carry on like it's the end of the world.The first time I did a prime-timer I treated him like he was just anotherregular guy. That turned out to be a mistake. By the time I had himcumming I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance. Now I'm morecareful. Instead of giving them 1000mg of Carlos, I give them much moremanageable

Shit! Here he goes. I squeeze my sphincter as tight as I can whileI grip his arms and throw my head back in feigned ecstasy. I time my loadto coincide with his and spray the flabby flesh of his stomach with my cum."Oh, gawd....Oh gawd....Oh gawd...", I moan softer and softer, bringing himdown from the sexual high.

He goes limp against me and I take his full weight with my legs. Ifeel his dick plop out of my ass and I transfer his body from legs to myarms. He's completely spent - almost in a catatonic state. This is prettynormal for James, though, so there's no need to worry. I lay him down onhis bed and clean him up with a wash cloth that he had already prepared bythe side of the bed. He just lays there smiling and not moving. There'sno cuddling or shared afterglow with James. When it's over it's over. Ismirk to myself, "You may be 63, James, but you are still just like a man."

I go to the bathroom, clean up, and flush the condom down thetoilet. While I'm cleaning up I notice the pictures on the bathroomcounter-top. They're the same ones from before but this time I decide totake a closer look. There's this one picture frame made up of 4 smallerframes. Each square contains a picture. The top two are yellowed andcreased with time and wear. The top right picture depicts two good-lookingguys smiling and holding each other by the waist in front of the EiffelTower in Paris. I can tell the one of the right with the full head ofblack hair (Wow, he did have hair at one time in his life.) is James. Oh,it's James alright. There's no way mistaking that nose. The guy on theleft has lighter hair and is a bit shorter than James. It must have beenhis lover, Tom. Man, Tom was hot: built, attractive, and even in a blackand white photograph you could tell those were some intense eyes. Theother 3 pictures show them at later points in their life. Age just trampedright over them with no mercy, but despite that they looked as much in lovein the later pictures as the did in the one with the Eiffel Tower. Luckyfor them. At least they had each other for a while.

"Tom? Tom! Stop that!" I hear James giggling in his sleep fromout in the bedroom. He must be dreaming about his dead lover again. Thepast couple of times James has gotten so into the fantasy of doing hisex-lover that when he passes out of exhaustion the fantasy carries overinto his sleep.

"It's not fair," I think ruefully. "Even the old guy gets a breakin his dreams."

I get dressed and grab my stuff and pause in front of the picture.I rip the backing off the frame and yank out the Eiffel Tower picture andstuff it in my backpack. Once in the bedroom I walk over to the nightstandtake an envelope out of the drawer. I count to make sure that all themoney is there before leaving James sound asleep enjoying his dream.

I get home after making Harold's deposit at the bank. It turnedout he wasn't mad at me about my run in at the bar with Carl, the man withthe dirty cock. Harold prefers to broker the guys out for jobs himself.He doesn't like it when his clients and his hustlers go behind his back tohook up. That would leave him without making his fee.

I take the old picture out of my backpack and stare at it for along time. "If things had gone differently, could this have been me withCal? Maybe me and anyone else?" I consider to myself. My body shakes witha small laugh as I try and imagine Cal and I at the Eiffel Tower. We'dprobably would have argued about who was going to pay the photographer orsomething stupid before finally managing to settle down for the picture.

I'd actually never really thought of me in a romantic relationshipwith anyone else besides Cal. There have been a couple of guys who've comealong and taken me on dates and stuff, but either they've never measured upor they just ended up being assholes looking to get laid. After the firstfew guys and disappointments, I decided to give up trying to look for Cal'sreplacement. That is until the other night at the bar. Fuck! I shouldhave known better!

My reverie is broken by the alarm clock. Damn, I had been awakestaring at this picture till 7 o'clock in the morning. I realize I'm dyingto take a piss so I get up and walk to the bathroom with the picture stillin my hand. As I piss I stare at it some more marveling how the happinessin the picture seems so tangible and alive in my hands. It must have beenawesome for James and Tom.

I let out a tired sigh. "There's no way this is gonna be me," Isay to no one in particular and force the image of Cal and myself out of myhead. I drop the picture into the toilet and don't bother to see if flushout with the water.

-1987-

Even under water I can still hear him.

"No! No! It's pull, kick, breath, and glide! Not pull, breath,kick, and glide!" shouts Cal from the side of the pool. "Come on! Youwere doing the breast stroke just fine last week!"

"Ok, ok...pull, kick, breath, and glide," I chant over and over asI try and make it to the other side of the pool with the breast stroke.Sheesh, he can be a slave driver sometimes! "That's it! You got it now!Keep going!" he yells standing in the shallow end of the pool. "Ok, nowbring it back and let's take a break. Remember: pull, kick, breath, andglide."

I reach the deep end of the pool and turn around to do the lastlength of my workout. Cal's pool is really cool. It's totally enclosedand the water isn't like what you would find at other swimming pools. Ithardly has any chlorine because of some new fangled filtration system andthe temperature is a nice and cool 74 degrees all year around."Gawd...pant ... fuck...ugh...pant you are ....ugh an....asshole," Isay dragging my body out over the edge of the pool. "Giveme....ugh...break." I roll over on back and stare at the ceiling while Itry and catch my breath.

"Hey, come on. You got the stroke technique down for the mostpart. Now, it's time to push you on distance and speed. We've gotta getyour endurance up and work out those back muscles."

I put my hand up pretending to fend off some invisible attacker,"Please, .....spare me..... the endurance spiel..... till I get my lungsback." I turn and look at him after a catching my breath and say, " Idon't think I'm cut out for anything more than just a lazy swim across aninflatable pool."

Cal hauls himself out of the pool laughing and sits next to me."Give yourself some credit, dude. You just did a 500- yard workout.You've come along way since we first started with learning how to treadwater. Look," he says pointing at my bare chest, "you're even starting todevelop some muscles on those bones of yours."

It's true. Since I've started swimming, I've begun to notice sometiny bit of bulk on my skinny frame. Not everywhere, but mostly on myarms, chest, and back. My mom has to buy me medium sized t-shirts becauseI can't fit into the small sized ones anymore.

"So what do you want to do now?" he asks.

"I dunno. You got anything going on tonight with Yvette or withyour family?" I ask about his girlfriend.

"Nah, Yvette is too busy with her dad being in the hospital to doanything lately. And, my folks are out at some pathology convention tillThursday, so it's just me and you if you want to do anything. What aboutyou, do you and Anna have anything planned?"

"Nope, I'm in the same boat. Anna's out doing church stuff and myparents are who knows where tonight," I say sitting up and toweling myhair. "So I guess it is just us, huh?"

"Yeah," he says automatically like he wasn't even paying attention.

I stop drying my hair and look at him, "Yeah? Don't sound soenthused for my sake." I start to think that maybe he was trying to getrid of me. Maybe my nickel ride with him was over for the afternoon.

Catching my meaning in what I said he shook his head and responds,"Sorry.. Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you feel unwelcome.It's just that you said something that reminded of something that happenedtoday. It just caught me off guard."

"Well," I probe further, "what was that?"

He looks at me for a second and then pulls himself up. "Let's goinside and cook something for dinner, ok? Call your mom and tell heryou'll be eating here."

"That sounds good."

As he was got up I notice something. Just like me he was sittingthere in his swim trunks, but the main difference is that he's got a muchnicer body than I do. While I'm skin and bones with a pimply face, he'sgot a decent build to him and a much smoother complexion. But, what Ireally notice is how his legs and back muscles move under his skin whilegetting up. It's ...sexy. And, you know what, this is the first time Ireally notice that. I mean REALLY notice. My face gets hot and flush andmy breathing becomes a bit more strained. Oh, and guess who decides towake up? Shit! I got excited looking at him! And his neck! Oh my god,his neck is like the perfect place for you to suck on. Right there beneathhis chin and next to his adams apple.

"Whoa!" I thought to myself. "What the fuck is going on? Ok, so Iknow I love him, but now I'm like in lust with him?" I just never thoughtof making that connection. I know that most of you are saying - Well whatdid you expect? You're gay! But the fact is that up till this point I hadjust wanted to be with Cal, to talk to him, to hold him, and to just spendtime with him. This is the first time body and hormones decide to throw intheir 2 cents worth. I guess that when you're like in love with someoneyou naturally want to express that love to them. Like I said, though, Ijust hadn't made that connection yet.

"Yo, dude, hurry up. I'm hungry," he said breaking me out of mythoughts.

I take the towel I'm using and wrap it around my waist. I followhim in hoping that he wouldn't notice boner outlined underneath my shortsand towel. Hoping to deflate my dick, I ask him about what he mentionedoutside. "So, what do you mean when you said I reminded you of somethingthat happened today?"

"Oh, it was nothing," he says hunting through cabinets and fishingout the stuff to make spaghetti.

"Uh, it didn't seem like it was nothing to you. Come on, what'sup?" I ask as I tear open the spaghetti package.

Sensing that I wasn't going to let up, he looks at me, "Ok,remember when Becky tripped you this morning at the wall?"

"Yeah. How can I forget? It was so much fun!" I droll.

Not catching the joke I made he says, "Yeah, well I was going toget up and help you, but I didn't."

I stop what I'm doing and look at him. My curiosity piqued, Iprompt him to go on, "Yeah, I kinda noticed that."

"Well apparently you weren't the only one who noticed. Anna talkedto me after lunch today and basically chewed my ass out for it," he sayssolemnly.

I just stand there stunned and mutter, "What?"

"Yeah, she came and found me at the wall when you guys came backfrom lunch and laid into me about what I lousy friend I've been to yourecently."

"Oh god, Cal, I'm sorry..." I start to say.

"No, don't apologize. She's right. I have been a lousy friend toyou lately. I haven't stood up for you when it mattered. Like, forinstance I should have said or done something this morning to show you...toprove to you that you are my friend. That being my friend meanssomething."

"Wow, what else did she say," I ask afraid to hear what else she'ssaid. I'm hoping that this doesn't strain my friendship with him. (God,I'm neurotic.)

"She also mentioned that if I was really your friend that Iwouldn't be hanging out with Claudia and company at school or anywhereelse. That I should also be strong enough and man enough to stand by youeven if it means I become less popular in the future."

I look away from him and down at the counter. On the one hand I'mpissed at Anna for doing this and meddling with my friendship with Cal, buton the other hand, I had to give it to her. She had the balls to ask thevery same questions I had been to chicken shit to ask. "So, I guess in away she asking you to choose between me and them."

"Yup, that's exactly she asking," he says quietly.

I lift my head up at him and thinking that I'm going to lose thiscontest I say, "Cal, listen. You don't have...."

"Stop it," he says cutting me off. "Look, I'm going to tell yousome things about me I'm not proud of. Things that I haven't told anyoneelse." He pauses and closes his eyes. I realize that this is going to besome heavy shit when he adds, "Fuck, I'm so scared to tell you."

"Oooooookay," I reply not really knowing what else to say. Heopens his eyes and looks directly at me. "Carlos, you're so much strongerthan me. And I'm not talking physically. You...you've gone through somuch shit and taken so much abuse from everyone and yet you still manage tohang in there everyday. I look at you sometimes and just wonder how you doit. And that strength I see in you is something I envy. It's something Iwish I had."

Ok, I'm thoroughly confused now. I'm amazed to be hearing thisfrom him but I'm not really sure where this is going. "Uh...thanks, butwhat does this have to do with anything?"

I can tell he's getting more nervous as he closes his eyes againand continues, "Do you remember when all of a sudden I started hanging outwith some of the G/T class a couple of months ago? Well, it ...it didn'tjust happen. It was ...arranged. One day, Yvette gets this invitationfrom Becky. It' an invite for Yvette and I to go to one of Saturday nightG/T parties. I really didn't want to go, but Yvette insisted. I didn'twant to tell you because I thought you'd be hurt.

"Anyway, we get there and it's an ok party. Yvette and I arehaving our fun just like the other couples when Becky and Claudia pull usaside. They tell me that Yvette and I can continue to go G/T parties, sitwith the rest of the popular crowd at the football games, and get to do allthe cool activities if we agree to drop you as a friend stone cold." Myheart drops to my feet and my paranoia goes into overdrive. "Oh," is all Imanage to say but in my mind I'm screaming, "Oh my god." Everything that Ihad imagined about him spying on me for them is coming true. I suddenlydon't want to be here thinking I'm the biggest fool that ever lived.

He opens his eyes after hearing the disappointment in my voice,"Wait. I ... I need to tell you the rest. Please, I've come this far."

I nod my head in approval.

"At first I kept saying that I didn't want to have anything to dowith that. I told them that I refused to treat anyone like that,especially you. But, then Yvette just chimed in. It turns out that shewas really liking the whole scene - being at the party, talking to thepopular people, blah blah blah and said that we would seriously considerit."

By this point I can't look at him and I turn around and face thewall. It's amazing! We'd gone from having such an awesome time in thepool just 10 minutes ago to this. "And, what happened after that? Whatdid you decide to do?" I ask wanting to know the whole story. Even thoughit isn't looking good, I deserve to know the truth.

"Well, you've noticed that you and I don't go on double dates muchanymore and that lately whenever you and I hang out it's always when Yvetteis busy doing something else, haven't you?"

"Uh not really, but now that you mention it, yes." I reply holdingon to the kitchen counter for dear life. I still couldn't bear to look athim. Shit, this is where he drops me.

"Well that's cause she sold out and she's been putting so muchpressure on me to do the same. That's why I've been hanging out with themat the wall and doing stuff with them." Then, pausing a bit his voice thentakes on shameful tone, "And, that's ...uh, oh god...that's why I didn'thelp you today."

I don't say anything. I'm pissed, humiliated, and hurt. My breathbecomes ragged and my eyes tear up. Damn! I try and order myself not tocry. I can't breakdown and cry. Damnit, I'm stronger than this!

"Carlos, you have to know that Yvette and I fought about this likecrazy," he adds emphatically. "She wouldn't give up and I kept on tellingher that I wouldn't give YOU up!" He pauses. Then I hear him take a deepbreath and let it out as a ragged sigh. He continues, "So,we... um... made a compromise: I would go with her to all the events thatClaudia and Becky invited us to and I agreed to spend less time with you atschool. In return I get to spend as much time with you as I can outside ofschool - like today."

It's no use. I start crying harder as the trickle of tears turninto heaves and sobs. As much I had thought about it (Cal actuallyfollowing through with some semblance of my neurotic fantasies), I neverwould have thought it would actually happen. Anyone! Anyone else wouldhave been ok! Anyone else I can handle, but not Cal. He finally turned onme. I try to hold back the sobs trying to choke my voice but it's no useand through clenched teeth I say, "Don't do me any fucking favors!"

And, you know, it's not just Cal. It's Yvette. Even though I'vebeen more concerned about Cal possibly turning on me more than anyone else,her betrayal is really hitting me hard. I thought she was my friend! Imean, goddamnit, Anna and I went out on double dates with her! We've beenhanging out since sophomore year and now this? Fuck, I feel like I've beenkicked in the stomach and let me tell you - physically, it's like I canfeel it.

I sense Cal come closer behind me. I get the impression of hishand reaching for me, but he doesn't quite connect. He whispers,"Carlos?...Carlos?" His voice begins to crack, "Carlos, ... I'm sorry. Iknow I hurt you, but you have to know I've fought Yvette every single dayabout this. Just know that I never gave you up."

"Never gave up on me, huh?" I say turning around to look at him notcaring how bad I look. I'm just too pissed to care. "How about lying tome. Let's look at that. And let's see how you did with that one."

Ok, I know he's anguished about this and I can tell he's close tobreaking down like I have. But, fuck, he's gonna have to answer me. Ihave some serious questions and I'm gonna finally get the answers.

"What are you talking about?" he replies.

"Remember the other night? The night I got in from the dance?You'd gone on and on how your hanging out with THEM was nothing; that I hadnothing to worry about. Yet, look at you now. How the fuck do you think Ifeel?" I say gesturing to myself. "You're supposed to my best friend andyet you're like having to make deals behind my back to be with me when THEYthink it's appropriate. You say they don't dictate your actions?Bullshit. Just look at what happened this morning. You let them get toyou. You just watched while I was laying on the floor being laughed at."I'm really going now.

His eyes brim over with tears, " I swear I never ever wanted tohurt you, but look at it from my perspective. I was stuck between mygirlfriend and my best friend. I was so confused. I...I didn't know whatto do. Any which way I decided to go I ended up hurting someone I caredabout. So, I tried. I mean I really, really tried to keep you both, butafter I today I don't know if I can."

He begins to weep openly, "I loved both of you just as much as Idid the other. And I can't...I can't do this anymore. I'm not as strongas you." He crouches to the floor crying. "I don't have your strength tostand up to them or to Yvette."

My eyes widen and my mouth drops. Did he just say he loved me?Yeah, I think he did. Well, wait a minute, he said he loved me as in pasttense. "You loved me?" I murmur. What the fuck does that mean?

I guess he didn't hear me because he tries to regain his composureand continues, "Ok, so I didn't help you today. I admit I let you down,but please, please believe me I wanted so badly to go over and pick you up.But, I was just so scared, you know? I was scared of what they might havetold Yvette. I guess you're right - I'm just a pushover."

I throw my head back and close my eyes. So much is going throughmy head: Cal's lies, Yvette stabbing me in the back, Cal's praise of me,Cal on the floor crying (something I had never seen him do), and most ofall Cal's phrase: 'I loved you both.' I look back down at him and see himcrying, to ashamed to look at me. I'd never seen him like this before - soweak, so vulnerable. It's funny. I've always cast him as the strongerone. I'm the one that always went to him.

What do I do? What do I do with him now? What's really importanthere? Is my love for him still there? In an instant I know the answers.

I crouch down next to him on the floor and place my hand on hisarm, "Cal...Cal get up. Come on. Let's go to your room"

In a daze but still crying Cal follows me to his room down thehall. I'm pretty much over crying. I'm still hurt but I realize I have totake charge right now. This time I have to take care of him. We get tohis room and I lead him to sit on his bed while I take the desk chair andplace directly opposite him. I take my time and let his crying die out.

"I'm sorry," he finally says looking anywhere but me.

Sighing I reply, "You should be." But not wanting to make this acounterproductive conversation I quickly add, "Look, let me tell what's up.I'm hurt and I'm mad. But, I'm still here. However, I'm not gonna lie toyou and say everything's cool. Cause it's not. But I gotta tell you. Ican't take anymore lies. I can't stand knowing that you have to makespecial deals behind my back to be with me."

"I understand," he says.

Then my stomach clenches with the question I know I have to ask. "Ihave to ask you something, though. What did you mean... when you said youloved us both? Are you saying you don't anymore?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I just meant I couldn't go onfeeling like I was forced to choose between both of you." He turns hisface away from me and continues, "And to be honest, I'm not sure if Ilov... er, care for Yvette much anymore. I don't like the way she'sturning out - you know, grabbing the limelight at your expense. And it'snot been easy seeing her change from the girl I used to live to this otherperson. She's become shallow and what she wants out of life isn't what Iwant."

I lean forward and put my hand on his shoulder in sympathy, "I'msorry." I have been so wrapped up in my emotions and my need that I hadn'trealize what this situation was doing to him. Of course, I didn't knowwhat the scoop was until now.

He looks back at me and smiles apprehensively, "How'd you end upcomforting me?"

With a somber face I reply, "Well that's what friends are for." Iregretted it as soon as I had said it. I know I want to drill that conceptinto his head, but I know now he's been struggling with it enough already.I don't want him to shut down and stop talking to me now that I have gottenhim to open up.

He hangs his head and repeats for the umpteenth time that he'ssorry.

Bringing him back to the subject at hand I ask, "So, let me askyou, what are you going to do about Yvette?"

"I guess I'm gonna break up with her."

"Now, I don't want you doing this if this not what you want. I'mnot going to pressure you into still being my friend or doing somethingyour heart's not into. I won't be like Claudia and Co."

"No, you're not like them at all. After all this shit, I knowwho's more important in my life - you. Someone who tries to pick myfriends and who has no problem stepping all over other people to get whatthey want is not someone I wan to be with, especially a girlfriend."

"Ok," I say. My heart begins to find its way back up from my feet.I can't help but begin to smile.

He stands up and adds, "I just want to let you know too that if Iseem down and sad it has nothing to do with you. I'm just dealing with thefact that my relationship with Yvette is over. You see, despite the personshe is now, I'm still going to miss what we had and who she was. I lovedher and for a while she was the really great person," he says with somedejection.

Gawd, I know what he means about people changing. Isn't this whatAnna might feel when she finally gets to know that I'm in love with a guy?I think that qualifies as a major change in character. Fuck! What thehell is it gonna do to her?

"Ok," I say standing up as well trying to shake off those gloomythoughts. Now we're both standing a few feet from each other. It's one ofthose compelling, silent moments that refuses to pass without it making itsmark in my personal history. I close the distance between us and I pullhim into a hug. My actions feel so fluid and slow. It's like that onecompelling moment is trying to stretch out to eternity. He's a littlesurprised at first (as I am), but he relaxes and allows himself to be held.Oh god, he feels so good and so right especially after what we've gonethrough.

He holds me for a couple of more seconds and then drops his arms tohis side. Not pulling all the way back he looks me in the eye for thefirst time since he stopped crying. His hazel eyes are red and puffy whilea tentative smile plays tries to appear on his face, "Thanks."

"Thanks for what?" I reply still looking in his eyes.

"Thanks for the hug. Thanks for still being here especially afterwhat I have told you. And, thanks for being my friend." He then looksdown at his feet. "Um, Carlos, you have to know that you mean so much tome. I know I've never told you that before, but you have to know howimportant you are in my life."

Ok, now my heart is going a billion miles an hour and instead ofbeing down somewhere near my feet like it was a few minutes ago. It's nowthreatening to take me soaring through the roof. "Wow, I guess...you'rewelcome," I say in astonishment My eyes are just huge with shock.

Doh! How stupid of me! He tells me something like that and all Ican say is "I guess you're welcome?" Ugh, I'm an idiot.

He quickly looks back at me and I can sense him tense a bit. I cantell he thinks he's freaking me out so he starts to back away. "Um, youwant to go get something to eat now?" he asks.

"Yeah, sure," I say, but before he starts to walk away from me Igrab him by the arm. "Wait. I just want to let you know that you mean alot to me too."

He turns to me. With his smile back he says, "I'm glad to knowthat."

"Good." I respond. Oh wow! This is has been one of hell of a ridethis afternoon. But, not wanting to drag this afternoon down with any moreheavy shit I jokingly add, "Ok, let's get me some food! After that workoutyou gave me I could eat a horse!"

We spend the rest of the evening making dinner, eating, talking,and watching tv. It's different this time, though, from the other timesthat I had been with him. I feel so much closer to him than before. I nowknow where I stand with him at last and he knows what he means to me. Noteverything was said tonight that needed to be said but tonight was a start.It's still nerve wracking for me, though. I keep trying to remind myselfnot to read too much into our conversation and to be too presumptuous.Just because he told me he cares about me and that he was going to break-upwith Yvette doesn't mean he's ready to have a full-blown relationship withme. You see? My paranoia has some good qualities to it. It can keep mein check and from making an ass of myself.

-1995-

My body is pumped and physically soaring as I'm coming down towardsthe shallow end of one of the university pools. I have just finished a3,000 yard work out and doing my last length of my cool down.

I love swimming. It's amazing what it can do for you. It's thistotal body workout with no stress on the joints and a great way to get someexcellent cardiovascular exercise. This along with a steady regimen ofweights and proper turned my skinny frame that used to have 8 years agointo a very attractive and toned body. An added benefit to this workoutregimen is the way that it helped me get rid of my acne. I still thinkthat my pimples were caused by all the stress I had to go through when Iwas younger. Now, my face is clear with just a few scars left to remind meof what I used to look like.

I finish my swim and head to the locker rooms to shower. In thereI have no problem taking off my clothes and showering with the other guys.I remember when it used to kill me to even think of getting naked with guyswho were built like these others. Now that I'm one of them it doesn'tbother me one bit.

When I get back to my locker I notice the same guy who was therewhen I first got back from the pool to get my shower stuff. He's stillhere after my 15 minute shower? Hmmmm...my instincts tell me something'sup.

As I dry myself with my towel and get my stuff out of my locker Iget a closer look at this guy. He's about 24 years old, about 5'11 inchestall with dark brown almost black hair, beautiful blue eyes, and niceframe. I can tell he's stalling; working up the guts to say something tome. You know how those awkward first impressions things go. Except I'mnot really up for this. I just want to go home and relax with a good book.

"Hey, how's it going," he asks as I slip on my shorts.

He makes me jump slightly and I blush "Er, uh, hi," I say.

"I'm Jeff," he say reaching to shake my hand.

As mine hand reaches for his I knock over his bag and his stuff allfalls out on the floor. "Shit," I mutter to myself in embarrassment.

"Here let me help you," I say nervously picking up his stuff andhanding it to him. Damn, why can't I just go home?

"Don't worry. It's ok. I got it," he says.

"I'm sorry about that," I say.

"Listen, I know this weird, but would you like to have somecoffee?" he asks me while stuffing his clothes back in his bag. "I knowhow this looks but I've been wanting to talk you since I first saw you thissemester. I just didn't have the nerve to come up to you before."

I blush again and marvel at his frankness. "Well, you're nothingbut blunt, if you don't mind me saying."

Grinning he adds, "Yeah that's me." He stops and freezes for asecond. "Um, you don't mind do you? I mean about the coffee too?"

Inwardly I sigh. Shit! Another guy, another let down. "No, notat all."

"Good," he grins back. "So, you want to meet me at Starbucks insay 30 minutes?"

"Sure," I say hoping he'd leave if I said yes.

He exclaims excitedly, "Oh, cool. I'll be there. Let me let youget dressed and while I put my stuff in my car. Thanks!"

I smile and blush; greatful that he's finally leaving, "Sure, noproblem."

"Ok, see you there." He says grinning from ear to ear.

Jeez what's up with this one I ask myself. I finish gettingdressed and head the opposite direction of Starbucks making a mental notenot to swim at this pool at this time ever again.