I spent the last year turning myself into a Pawnee. With Lit'l Fox and Running Horse at my side, I did what they did. I did it the way they did it. My hope was to have everyone forget I appeared as a white boy with a broke leg.

Once I decided on a plan, I didn't change it. No one treated me like I was an enemy or dangerous to them. From the first time Lit'l Fox took me out to walk, people spoke to us as if I belonged there. Lit'l Fox always belonged. I thought a lot about the white skin I hide under my breach cloth. I wanted to keep it hidden.

It was obvious to me that if I ever hoped to be accepted as Pawnee, I couldn't let anyone see or talk about what was under my breach cloth.

Indians had a right to fear and hate white people. I didn't want to remind them of my white skin. I changed color in plain sight. Everyone knew what color I was. Mostly I fooled myself into thinking I could hide being white.

"You not your skin, Tall Willow. What you are comes from here," Lit'l Fox reminded me, as he tapped his chest over his heart.

I was always with Lit'l Fox. I did what the other boys did. I was accepted as a boy who belonged there, no matter what color I was when I got there. The boys could have refused to play with me. That would be like refusing Lit'l Fox. He was responsible for me being there. He took responsibility for me before we got here.

Running Horse wasn't sitting next to the wigwam when we came out the next morning. I felt sick at my stomach. Lit'l Fox didn't even slow down to see if he might be just out of sight. He was with the other boys in the pasture.

We played together that day. Running Horse was always out of my reach. I could have yelled to get his attention, but I knew he still watched me.

When I looked at him to get his attention, he looked away. This required some fancy footwork. I would wait for my chance, and I'd make the next move.

I couldn't get where I needed to go by following one of the other boys.

He was always as far away from me as he could get. When he talked to Lit'l Fox, it was when Lit'l Fox wasn't anywhere near me. I asked Lit'l Fox what to do, and he'd let me know, I broke it. I got to fix it. He was out of it. He was still Running Horse's friend.

It rained for two solid days. We stayed in the lodge. Before, Running Horse would come over to see what we were doing when it rained.

Medicine Woman sewed leggings for the men in the wigwam. She put down the sewing to cook. Summer was passing. Days was shorter. We would need leggings under our breach cloth, so we stayed warm.

It wouldn't be long before we'd be hunting more. We'd fish less. There was already talk of going to the mountains to hunt deer. I didn't think much about that mountain since I fell off it. The talk was no worry. I didn't fear the mountain. My trip to the mountain ended with me coming here.

I could see the mountain from the village. It loomed larger and was closer to the village than it was to the cabin in the valley where the river runs. It looked larger from the village, and it covered more of the landscape. I hardly looked at it at all any longer. I knew where it was. I knew where I was.

Dark Horse sat and hardly moved for two days. Lit'l Fox and I tossed a leather ball back and forth. At the cabin, I might read while it rained. In the lodge I had time to consider who I am and how I wanted to be seen. It wasn't up to anyone but me to present myself in a way I liked. I got to figure a way to get Running Horse to see me the way he saw me before he didn't see me at all.

After two days of rain, I needed to get outside to run, play games, and meet with the other boys. The third morning the sun came up. The village dried out, and the stream and creek ran high.

We walked to the pond to see how high. The water warmed in the summer and cooled after rain. It was a perfect temperature for swimming. I couldn't wait to get out of my breach cloth and go swimming. It would be the final step in turning my white skin brown. I would need to expose it to brown it.

Nothing changed the way I felt. I wanted to undo this misunderstanding.

How did I do that?

Running Horse avoided me. I expected that. I was in no hurry. I had a plan. I'd wait for him to be somewhere that he would have trouble walking away from. He wouldn't stand up and go the other way if I approached. That was a bad look.

My white skin is what he was drawn to. My being different from the other boys interested him. When he got a chance to get me out of my breach cloth so he could see my white skin, I acted like an idiot. What did I have to hide? We were almost naked all the time, but my shame and his interest collided.

I refused to be sad. I would no longer keep anything secret. I had never had more to look forward to, and I looked forward to showing Running Horse all of me. I would do this with joy in my heart. I needed Running Horse more than I ever needed anyone before. I intended to change my no to yes.

I would wait for him to be in the same place as me. I was going to act like nothing changed. The first chance I got, I'd get naked. Instead of hiding my whiteness, I would expose it to the sun until it turned brown.

I had plans before. I did what I did to get here. It wasn't where I was going, but here I was. This time my plan would bring Running Horse and me together in a way I never wanted to be with anyone before. This isn't like the boys at school going into the woods with Jason to let him satisfy them.

I wasn't angry with Running Horse for touching me. His touch excited me and I reacted poorly because of what I was trying to hide.

No one had made me feel like I needed to hide anything since I came to the village. Influences from my past made me feeling shame. A big part of the white culture was that of shaming and being angry with someone who didn't respond a certain way to certain things. If people shamed you, you were rejected by all if you didn't want to end up on the short end of shame yourself.

Hiding your true nature was best if you were the least bit different. I was way different than every white boy at school. I wasn't sure I was any different from Running Horse, but I wanted his friendship and if touching each other was how I would get it, I would touch him. I didn't know what all the feelings were I felt for him, but I intended to find out.

I refused to fear my feelings. I would like to set them free, if I could. At the least, I wanted his friendship, but my feelings went far beyond the idea of being friends described or explained them.

After I let the rest of me brown, and after I turned my no to yes with Running Horse, I would confess, "I am Pawnee. I'm exactly like you."

I refused to let my new life sour.

I would not be ashamed of my feelings. I had nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone had a body, and mine might be lighter in color, but I knew what to do about that, which left me feeling good.

When we left the lodge, Running Horse wasn't waiting for us. He wasn't with the other boys when we went to play.

This wasn't going to be easy.

"How long is he going to stay away?" I asked Lit'l Fox.

"Lit'l Fox no know."

"Tell me what to do. I need to fix."

"Not you to do. Running Horse to do. He have trouble, not Lit'l Fox."

Running Horse was not with the other boys.

"Running Horse go hunt," one boy informed us.

He never went hunting alone, until today. Running Horse was thinking about me. He too felt bad about what happened. He was working on a plan to right it.

As the day heated up, we ended up going to the pond to swim. For the first time, I kicked my breach cloth off next to the other boy's cloth. They all stopped to watch as I went into the water. It was cool and refreshing, and we began to splash, wrestle, and dunk one another.

I had fun. No one mentioned my skin. No one mentioned Running Hore.

For the first time in several days, I felt better. It wasn't up to me to close the distance between Running Horse and me, but I would make sure it closed.

As I was in the midst of dunking Lit'l Fox, I looked up to see Running Horse sitting on a log. Two rabbits were beside his feet. He didn't strip to come into the water. His eyes were on me. I left the water and went to stand in front of him.

He stared at me and I stared back. He sat still for a minute.

I stopped next to the log. I was less than an arm's length away. I went as far as I could go. Running Horse needed to do the rest.

His eyes stayed on my very white parts. He finally looked at my face.

"Me touch?" he said in a low suggestive voice.

"You touch," I said is a suggestive reply.

His hand felt the white skin at the top of my leg. He moved his hand up to where I was brown, stopping where the white stopped. He felt down to where the brown picked up again. He moved his hand around my leg to feel my cheek. His hand moved ever so slowly back to where it started.

The expression on his face was one of wonder. He hadn't been sure what to expect, and what he found was marvelous to the touch.

It was just as nice being touched that way.

"Soft," he confessed. "Nice touch."

"Nice touch," I said as I began rising to the occasion.

I was surprised when he felt my sac. That I didn't expect. I did not flinch or move. He had total access to me, and I would not stop him from doing whatever he had it in mind to do. I wanted Running Horse's friendship. I would stand for whatever he had in mind. What he had in mind was what I had in mind, which got his hand where I was hoping it would go.

His hand moved to my pisser and back to my sac. His fingers felt the curly hair and I tried not to react to his touch, but it felt nice. His touch was like a gentle gossamer cloud brushing my skin. As he felt me, he felt soft skin covering my hardness. As he caressed me, my knees almost gave way. His hand tightened on my pisser as he moved the skin up and back so slowly, I thought I might faint.

He lifted himself to lose his breach cloth. I was not surprised that he was complete in his hardness, same as me. I was so white it looked strange in the midst of my very brown skin. He moved up close as our pissers rubbed, and I clung to him and his golden skin. He kissed my cheek. He kissed my lips.

I was so hard that it took all my strength not to make a deposit on that golden skin of his, but when he rubbed his pisser on mine, we both had a climax, as we clung to each other.

I could feel his heart beating against my chest. His hardness and my hardness continued rubbing together. I wasn't sure where I was.

It was a little like drinking the bitter brew. My brain was aflutter.

I was dizzy. I felt the softness of his skin, and the strength of his body and arms while he held me. I turned my face so he could kiss me. My senses were all tuned directly into Running Horse. There was no sense to it as we mingled in a way that told me I wanted to be there in his arms forever.

I felt suspended in air. I knew we had an audience, and no one made a sound. I could hear my heart beating. I felt his sweet breath caressing me, as we stood perfectly still.

"I never kissed anyone before," I told him through waiting lips.

His lips brushed mine, my face, my nose. My eyes got lost in his.

"You come," he said.

We held hands as he walked me into the forest near the pond where we fished, laying me down on a nice patch of grass. We were kissing before we were on the ground, and one kiss led to another, and I felt like I was part of him.

Where I stopped and he started was a mystery. We touched as fully as one person could be in touch with another. It was amazing. He was amazing.

My brain went into slow motion, and his softness was only a little more intoxicating than his hardness.

Running Horse fascinated me since he sat next to me while I was in what seemed like a never ending stupor, and I thought he came to see Lit'l Fox.

I was in no stupor now, but I felt suspended in air. It was a good thing he held on to me so I couldn't float away. He kissed my chest, my stomach, and I was his for the taking. I had never been harder or more excited by anyone.

I didn't know what I felt, but it amazed me.

There were more kisses. He kissed me. I kissed him. He used his hands, his mouth, and he made sure the day we got back together was a day I would remember,

How could I forget the best day of my life?

Who knew you could feel this good?

It was a bit like being chased by a grizzly bear. My heart pounded in my chest. I had trouble breathing, and no matter how far we went, I felt like I was falling and flying at the same time. There were no words to describe what I felt for Running Horse. I wanted to be with him forever. I didn't want it to end.

"It's getting dark," he said, after we lay together for some time.

If I lost track of time going to the mountain, I really didn't know what time it was while I was with Running Horse.

"I don't know if I can walk," I told him.

"Running Horse carry Tall Willow. Running Horse love Tall Willow," he said, sealing his words with a kiss.

I had no idea what love was. I certainly was in no condition to figure it out right away. What I felt was way beyond any feelings I had before, but was it love?

I hesitated to answer him with words he wanted to hear, but we were here, and that told a story.

I kissed him so I didn't need to reply.

Was what I felt for him love? He was older and smarter than I was. He called it love. It would take me a while to recognize love. I'm sure that I was never in love before. I never felt anything like these feelings before.

He lifted me without much effort. Our bodies rubbed together as he carried me home. He left me at the lodge entrance to go back for our breach cloths. I would not make a grand entrance in the nude.

Luckily the people in the village were at some point in their evening meal.

When he brought them back, he held me and kissed me again and again. I wasn't going in until he turned to leave, and that took even more time.

When he did move, I put on my cloth before going inside. He disappeared into the dark, leaving me to dream about him tonight. No one mentioned I was tardy, and I said nothing, but Lit'l Fox kept smiling at me.

I wasn't sure what to think about Running Horse and me. I got what I was after. I got way more than I bargained for. None of it wasn't glorious.

As time passed, it was more obvious that I found a place where I belonged. I belonged with Running Horse. It wasn't that I didn't belong with Lit'l Fox, I did, but he was often with Running Horse, and Lit'l Fox knew when to leave us alone.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

I could hardly breathe. I could hardly stand.

Running Horse held me. He wouldn't let me fall. I had fallen for him. I knew how to fall off a cliff. I knew nothing about falling for a boy. I had fallen for one.

I was younger than Running Horse by several years. I let my face rest against his powerful chest. He showered me with kisses and much more. We were lost in our own whirlwind. It threatened to carry us away, and I woke inside the buffalo robe with Lit'l Fox sleeping beside me.

I thought of Running Horse. I smiled.

We didn't spend all our time making love. I wouldn't have minded if we did, but we didn't, and we made time for games and play that kept us ready for any eventuality. We could do what we felt like doing. No one seemed to mind.

"Running Horse love Tall Willow," gushed from his lips.

I had a plan I lost control of somewhere between the kisses and the rubbing. I never felt as alive as I did while we performed for our friends.

Our kisses were gentle affairs suggesting nothing more than a friendship gone wild.

No one spoke. No one even moved, as they saw the peace being made between the boy who would be chief and the white boy who came to stay.

To say this was the beginning of something good didn't quite cover it. It was magnificent. It was wonderful. Running Horse was a man among men, and he demonstrated to all that he was my man, now and forever. Even before I had any idea of what forever was. I didn't know love until that day, but I knew it now, and it would be a forever love that swept me away.

Sweat ran down my back as I felt how hard and how soft he was to my touch. He leaned his face on my shoulder and pulled me closer without me being able to get any closer. It felt different. His arms around me felt safe. His lips brushing my shoulder made the sweat on my skin run down my back.

"No want hurt," Running Horse said, his lips brushing my shoulder and a chill ran through me. I wasn't sure where I was. I wasn't sure who I was. Nothing changed there, but I knew where Running Horse was.

He was close. He was very close. I didn't want him to move. I couldn't move as the warmth of his body mingled with mine. This is how it should always be. I wanted to get lost in these feelings, and I lost myself in Running Horse.

Our bodies rubbed together in a most delicious way.

"You not mad Running Horse?"

"Mad? Not mad. Want to forget white skin is all."

"Me no forget. Me like white skin. Me like you. You don't like Running Horse?"

I pulled him close and our lips brushed in a way that sent a shock through me. I don't know I intended to kiss him, but it became a kiss. I felt his heat.

"I like. Do I ever like."

We stood that way for some time. It was Lit'l Fox who cleared his throat.

"We do much for now. More later. You no mad Running Horse?"

Not knowing the feelings that came along with his touch, affection seems closest to the word that described it. However you describe it, this was the beginning of the best time in my life. This was when I began to know love.

Affection and maybe relief as nothing but his touch mattered at that moment. Everything, the other boys, birds in the trees, the setting of the pond and the beauty registered once we held each other. His motion was so gentle and pleasing to me that touching became the focus of my life. I didn't want the touching to stop. I didn't want to ever let go. Especially, I did not want him to let go of me. It was like we floated there as his tender lips caressed my shoulders.

His lips were warm lovely petals that stimulated senses I didn't know I had.

I'd answered him with an emphatic no a few days before. I wanted to change that no into yes, which I did that day. I never expected the power in that moment could alter how and what I thought. Not knowing that moment would come, I gave into it and my desire to be Running Horse's friend. I have no doubt that has been done. Friend is not the word for what we are to each other.

As careful as I had to be at school not to make a mistake that might give my true identity away. I did not fear my friends might turn on me in the village. They were a happy bunch when allowed to roam free to do what boys do. They were happy because Running Horse and Tall Willow were happy with each other.

We would separate for the noon meal, and if we weren't off riding our horses we'd be playing in the fields and forests that surrounded the village.

Once the sun was high with our stomachs growling, we went to the lodge for food and a mid-day rest, and then it was off to wear ourselves out running, jumping, chasing other boys until we were worn out by a day that kept us busy.

No one had treated me like I was some foreign object to be suspected. Older men had no time for future braves doing what all boys do until they are called to be warriors. The skills we learned from playing were the skills we needed to be the warriors who defended the village from trespass and the cavalry.

The tension and anger that filled the schoolhouse had boys more than willing to fight if they felt like they were disrespected, or even if you spoke out of turn or with words they didn't like.

I felt no tension in the village. Even among the boys, I was not made to feel unwelcome. I wondered why no one was put off by me, while I became Pawnee.

I only saw Tall Elk from a distance. That would never change. The idea Tall Elk would be a major influence on my future never entered my mind the day I asked Lit'l Fox about him. How could a boy I didn't know have an influence on my future? We didn't know each other. He grew up with Running Horse and Lit'l Fox. They might have suspected nothing good would come of Tall Elk, because he stood alone, preferring to be alone. He was disagreeable. That was his way.

Our elders were revered. It was a great honor to have warriors from another generation come to watch the new warriors at play. They didn't come often. They didn't stay for long, but the fact they came had us showing off.

Chief Lone Wolf and Dark Horse were the only elder men who fought in all the village's battles and lived to tell the tale. They knew our village's history.

All of Lone Wolf's and Dark Horse's sons died in war as did all the sons of warriors who no longer lived. It was the lost generation to our village. We would be the next warriors the next time war came. The village had no warriors for too many years.

We would all fight and probably die when all was said and done. Since the white man came, that is the way it was. Since I was born, the flood of immigrants had only increased, and they kept on coming. They were filling up what once a land inhabited by the Indian and the buffalo. There was no sign it might stop.

Being one of the best hunters in the village, it didn't matter what color my skin was. It mattered how much meat I kilt and supplied for the village.

While my relationship with Running Horse flourished since the summer before. It was seldom that you saw Running Horse that I wasn't beside him. All the boys in the village knew Running Horse's nature, and now, they knew mine for the past year.

It was Lit'l Fox who explained it to me, as he explained much of what I had difficulty understanding. Being Running Horse's best friend, my brother knew me as well as he knew Running Horse. No one knew me like Lit'l Fox did.

"He is of two spirits. Touches boys. Curious about difference."

"He touches you. You are different together. You shall sit at his right hand."

"Does he ever touch you, Lit'l Fox."

"Yes. Touch all. No harm in touch. All boys are curious but Running Horse true to two spirits. True to you now. No touch anyone but Tall Willow. Only Tall Willow wins his heart."

It's the kind of thing that would get you excluded at school.

We went to be together on a patch of grass near the pond, but out of sight of the boys. Running Horse introduced me to the kiss. His warm soft lips set a fire inside of me I've never been able to put out. As far as I was concerned, we were the only two boys in the world. I was lost inside of him and beside him as we did something I had never done before and would never do with anyone else.

There really wasn't anyone alive but him and me that day. As for his kisses, each one was new, it was alive, and I felt it in my toes as well as in my hair.

Running Horse's kisses took me to parts I previously didn't know.

One time, when he let me catch my breath, he leaned his face on his hand with his elbow propping it up as it rested on the grass. He smiled a smile that told me all I needed to know about Running Horse.

Then, he told me what he felt.

"What?" I said as his smile grew when he noticed me noticing his face.

"Running Horse love Tall Willow."

I couldn't say that I loved him. He said he loved me twice.

Both times I let a kiss be my reply, but a single kiss was never enough.

What was love?

Yes, love was Running Horse, but what was love? Did love have a shape? Could you smell it, or was it just a feeling? Oh, what a feeling.

There had to be more to it than that. It went beyond anything I knew.

I didn't know when I would be ready to tell him that I loved him, but I couldn't say the words until I knew them, knew what it meant to love. I wanted to know love. I knew Running Horse.

I wasn't even sure who I was. I had a much better idea now than I ever had before, but I wasn't sure about the two lives I led. I couldn't say I loved him, until I knew what love was. I knew the feelings of love, but it didn't seem enough.

The fact he told me he loved me made it the most important day of my life both times he used those words on me. I wanted his love. I wanted to be in love.

I almost said, "I love you."

Did I love Running Horse? Was this love? How did anyone know for sure?

The boys saw my response to Running Horse's touch. They saw we had been on the outs for the last week. We were on the ins now.

Once we were together at the pond that day, we were together forever, no matter what I knew or didn't know.

I didn't understand my feelings. They were as powerful as any feelings I knew, and I knew they all came out of how I saw Running Horse, and now, how he saw me. The dynamics of loving were beyond my comprehension, but loving Running Horse was the best thing I ever did.

At the end of that week, while our friends got the horses out of the pasture to ride and fire their bows, Running Horse and I swam at the pond before we were unable to keep our hands off of each other. We visited the same luxurious grassy knoll we went to the day before.

We purposely stayed back when the other boys left to ride. The day before, we were lost in the love we felt for each other. Today we wanted to find out if that glorious feeling of being loved was still where we found it the day before. As we rolled and kissed and loved each other, we were as lost in our love as the day before. This is how we knew it was a forever love.

I might have figured it out on my own, because I was unable to get Running Horse out of my mind for days, and today was no different as he kissed and loved me like there was no tomorrow. I didn't know if there would be a tomorrow, so I made the best of the day with my lover.

I never had two better days. I was sure Running Horse had a good day too. I saw to it he didn't lose his ardor for me, until we were worn to a frazzle. I exhausted Running Horse as he lay flat and flaccid once he was spent.

Being as wicked as I was, I stimulated him as well as I knew how to do, and I didn't know much, but by the time I was done, he had turned to steel, and he stayed that way until he had one last climax that all but finished him for the day.

I knew I was on the right track once he was bigger and harder than ever before, and when he came, he was like an animal ridding himself of all inhibition. He held me down on his hardness while depleting himself of all lust and desire to see how many more times he could go in a single afternoon.

When he finally sat up, after I kept nursing on him, he went to sit with his back against the one tree in the corner of the grassy strip. I got up to join him and my excitement from being with my man hadn't flagged for some time.

I was a younger man and full of piss and vinegar as boys admitted at school. I turned my back on Running Horse, and when I sat, I leaned my back on his chest, and his arms were around me as he kissed my neck and back.

"Keep that up and I'll make another mess," I said, as he nibbled away.

As I calculated he would, he used his hand on me. Magic fingers took all of a minute and a half to have me climax the third, or was it the fourth time?

His fingers dallied in the liquid on my stomach and chest. His lips all the time busy on my shoulders.

"Running Horse dizzy, like this dream. No dream this much power. We are making the best love ever. We do this every day forever."

"We would never get anything done," I said, thinking about being with him.

We were together all the time. Lit'l Fox was together with us too, but we had never been together the way we were together the last few days. Something deep inside told me that our closeness was special and probably rare. I just wanted to be with Running Horse all the time.

I sat with his arms around me. This was as good as anything we did. It was like we were one, inseparable, stuck together forever. It was a good kind of stuck.

This is the position we would take while hunting from then on. We often hunted together at times on the mountain, and while Running Horse wasted no time getting into position to get game, I made it a point to stay up with him, so we waited for game together. He leaned his back against a tree. I leaned against him. This was a new and better way to wait.

It no longer mattered how long the wait was. We were together and together was the best way to be, except for when Running Horse stood to get his buck. Since the waiting paid off, we returned to camp knowing it was a good day.

Leading up to this autumn's hunt, we practiced with the bow, caught fish at the pond, swam on the warmest days, and rode horses once or twice a week. Enjoying everything more, life became very good in the village. I was happy and content to be where I was doing what I was doing.

This was together. I held his hands. I drifted away as if on a cloud. My mind floated. I floated with it, feeling like all the good things in life were here with us. Each day when the riding and bow practice was done, we went off to be alone.

No one asked, "Where are you two going again?"

If anything was better than being with Running Horse, I never found it. I discovered, now that we were together, being without him wasn't good for me, and when I wasn't with him, I longed to see him, to touch him, to be with him.

The Pawnee village on the far side of the mountain was where I wanted to be. It is where I wanted to stay with Running Horse forever and a day.

Why this was so appealing, I can't say. Being there with the boy I loved, we wore ourselves out proving all our working parts worked, and they worked often that autumn. These were the best times. These were times that came close to overwhelming me, and then, we did things like hold each other.

I never wanted him to let go of me, but that would have become awkward.

"Tall Willow good?"

"Running Horse is better," I said, as I luxuriated in his arms. "I am fine, Running Horse."

"We go get horses? Get our bows? No."

"No. I need you to hold me a while. Making love is, it's, … like no other thing I've known. I want to sit and feel your arms around me. I like being held."

Falling in love seemed to complete my life, after a few years in the village. Running Horse and I were always close, but love topped everything else. I didn't name my feelings for Running Horse love, he used the word first, and after a great deal of thought, and after being unable to leave each other alone once I discovered lust. I accepted this as love.

What else could it be?

I hated being separated from Running Horse, even to sleep, and before I slept, he came to mind, and after I slept, my thoughts were of him, and once we were up and ready to go about our day, seeing Running Horse made my day.

I did not know love until then. My nature and Running Horse's nature were as natural as taking a breath of clean fresh air. No one asks for permission to breathe. We didn't ask if we could be together. We were together, and that was all there was to it. I didn't understand the new feelings he aroused in me, but the experience completed my journey.

Making love was like a gift he gave, and I gave all I had to the proposition.

I was always Pawnee. Now, I felt Pawnee. Now, I felt loved.

I was where I belonged. I was where I wanted to be forever. I lived fourteen years while trying to figure out why I was where I was. I went to get a griz to prove something to Paw, and I found what I was looking for on the far side of the mountain.

I knew these people. I always knew these people. I knew who they were, but I had yet to say the words because I feared upsetting the balance I found. I belonged in this place. Even saying my father's name was risky. I was afraid.

I didn't realize how fast I'd adapt to what Running Horse had in mind. I didn't expect him to know how to turn our misunderstanding around. The power in a touch changed everything. I would never forget the day Running Horse touched me. I wouldn't forget the day he said, "Running Horse love Tall Willow."