I never wanted him. Not that way. Not…until recently, that is. I'm not even certain when it started… But that's a lie. I know precisely when it started. After Quidditch. Didn't everything happen because of Quidditch? He'd nabbed the snitch again. Damn him! Always, always he'd nab the snitch first! Stupid, sodding Gryffindor! They carried him off the pitch. He was smiling from ear to ear, his ridiculous glasses askew on his face. I'd had enough. I punched Goyle in the face because he'd made some remark, I don't even remember what it was now. He screamed something at me. Who cares? It was all a blur of colour and sound. I stood alone on the pitch until everyone cleared off and I remembered thinking if I could just get Potter alone I could hex him good. What if he were still in the changing room? What if he were alone? And then I went. I crept up to the tent and saw his fellows leaving. They were waving, calling out to him. So. Potter was still in there. Maybe he was alone. I clutched my wand. This would be perfect.

I grasped the canvas and carefully moved it aside. Perfect. Potter was still in the shower. I could see a pale figure under the jets of water. Black hair, short stature. Nobody but Potter. I crept in with wand raised. What shall I do to him? Something humiliating? That would do. What exactly? He was so vulnerable. Without his glasses, without his wand, without his clothes. So much a creative wizard can come up with!

He hadn't seen me, hadn't heard me. The water was too loud around him and he was humming something. The bloody Hogwarts school song. What an idiot! His eyes were closed and he was scrubbing shampoo from his hair. And then he turned.

Sure, I've seen naked boys. Showered plenty with them in the dorm and in the changing rooms. I'd gotten a flair of interest now and again. All teen-aged boys did. Unavoidable. Made of hormones. But this time. Bloody hell. This time.

I stopped dead, just staring. Not staring. Drinking it in. He was so…just so… Pale skin, wine dark nipples, slim waist. Those deep shadows from his hips down to his groin, directing the eye unavoidably to…to… Oh God. God. Merlin. What was wrong with me? Never, never had I had feelings like that. For a boy. For Potter.

I turned and fled. Thank God he didn't see me. I ran so far and for so long that when I finally reached the dungeons I had no breath left to gasp out the password. I sank to the floor trying to breathe. I rested my face against the cold stone, trying to cool my hot skin. Merlin. What was the matter with me? I was so hard. For Harry Potter? And then I couldn't get it out of my mind. Every second I was awake, every moment of my sleep, when I tried to study, tried to work in class, tried spells and charms and hexes. I saw a naked Harry Potter. And I wanted him. Not to hex. Not to curse. I wanted him. To shag. To groan beneath me. To take my kisses. To feel his hands on me.

Oh Merlin.

I went to Madam Pomfrey.

"What is it, Mr. Malfoy?" She looked at me suspiciously. Was that a nice thing to do? I was a bloody student. I was hurting.

"I…I think I may have taken a…a love potion."

She raised her brows but said nothing and took out her wand. "Do you remember ingesting anything strange?"

"No." The wand moved over me.

"Do you recall feeling a prick on your skin?"

Why did she have to say 'prick'? And skin. It made me think of pale skin under streams of water.

"No."

She lowered the wand. "Who is the object of your affection, Mr. Malfoy? Maybe the girl-"

"I'd…rather not say."

"I see. Well, Mr. Malfoy. I see no evidence of any potion present in your system. Perhaps…" She put her hand gently on my shoulder. "Perhaps you merely feel affection for this person. Perhaps it is someone you never noticed before. These things happen at your age."

"Not this!" I didn't mean to say it. She looked at me oddly.

"Is…there something you wish to talk to me about, Mr. Malfoy? As a healer, I deal in all sorts of things. And it is strictly confidential. I would never discuss it with either your head of house or the headmaster himself if you did not wish it."

"No. There's nothing to talk about." I turned on my heel and left. Damn. Couldn't it have just been something easy like a potion or a curse? Did it have to be real? Did I have to really feel it?

I turned the corner and who should I run into at full tilt?

We both fell back sprawled on the ground. "Damn you, Potter! Why the hell don't you look where you're going!"

"Why the hell don't you look where you're going, Malfoy!"

I got to my feet. My hand was itching to reach out and help him up but I hid it by straightening out my robes. "Clumsy oaf," I muttered.

"What's the matter? Got your pretty robes dirty? Surely your mother can come and bring you a fresh pair."

"Keep my mother out of this, Potter."

We glared at each other. That was the sum total of our conversation. There was nothing else to say. Unless we chose to hurl more rude comments and adolescent taunts. He was ready to leave. I couldn't let him. But what was I to say? Think Draco!

"So where are you going in such a hurry? Going off to knit some jumpers for house elves with your stupid friends?" Oh brilliant, Malfoy! Nice compliment.

"Shut up, Malfoy."

"Good comeback, Potter. Where do you get them?"

He sneered at me and turned his back. No! He was leaving. You did a great job in charms today, Harry. You were brilliant in Defense Against the Dark Arts. How did you work that out in Astronomy? All the things I could have said ran through my head as I watched the back of him depart, growing smaller across the courtyard. But could I ever really have said those things? What would he have done if I did? Thought I'd gone mental. Hadn't I? Surely I have. How could I be so entranced with Harry Potter? Harry. Harry of the green eyes. Harry of the unruly black hair. Makes him look like he's just been shagged. Mmmm. Like I just shagged him. Mmmm.

I want to shag him.

Oh God.

Pansy noticed the change in me. She always liked me. Sort of. We used to kiss and grope a bit. She was all right. Now we were just friends, if Slytherins can really be friends. She sat next to me in the common room. I had a book on my lap but I hadn't been reading it. I was looking into the fire instead. No one else was there. Thank God. She sat close not in an annoying way. I didn't mind.

"Draco," she said softly. She pushed a strand of dark hair over her ear. "Something's bothering you. What is it?"

"Nothing," I said automatically.

"You've kicked out Crabbe and Goyle. They are a pretty sad duo on their own. They don't know what to do without someone telling them all the time."

"Yeah, well. Time they learned, don't you think?"

"So it's a kindness you're doing for them, is it?"

"No. I just…don't want them around anymore."

"Couldn't have to do with your current love interest, could it?"

I glared at her. My heart started beating a hundred miles an hour. "What do you mean?"

"Come on, Draco. I notice these things. You stare at him all the time."

"What do you mean!"

"I know it's a him," she said quietly, even though we were the only ones in the room. "I know who. When did you start liking boys?"

"What do you MEAN!!"

"Draco, dear, you're going to have to start using another line." She smiled. It wasn't a wicked smile, so I felt marginally better, but not much. Even quieter she said, "I know it's Harry Potter."

What do you mean? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I wanted to shout it. But I couldn't. She'd caught me. She noticed me staring at him. Everywhere. In the Great Hall. In Potions. In Charms. In Transfigurations. No matter where we were. I stared at him. And not in hatred as I used to. And she noticed. And once or twice, he looked at me and his brows raised ever so slightly, because maybe, just maybe he noticed I wasn't staring at him in hatred anymore either. Did he?

I dropped my face in my hands. Oh how I needed to tell someone! Could I trust her? Yes, because if she told, I'd use an Unforgivable on her and she knew it.

"Oh God. Oh Merlin. Pansy. What am I going to do?"

"Do you love him, Draco?" She seemed surprised to be asking this. Maybe she just thought I wanted a quick shag from him. Maybe I thought so, too. But as soon as she said it I knew. I knew I was lost. It was hopeless. Completely hopeless.

"It's hopeless," I whispered. "Completely hopeless. He'll never look at me like that. He'll never think of me like that. I don't even know if he's gay. Probably isn't."

"He is."

I lifted my face from my hands. "How do you know?"

She rolled her eyes.

I hate girls.

"I know. Just like I knew you were."

I dropped my face in my palms again. "It doesn't matter. He hates me. He'd only laugh. It's hopeless."

"You can't go on like this, Draco. Your grades are slipping. Even in Potions."

"I know. I know. What am I going to do?"

"You know what you have to do."

"Kill him? Kill myself?"

"No, you git. Talk to him."

Ha ha. Very funny. "No sodding way."

"You have to."

"And what do you suppose he'd say, eh? 'Oh jolly good, Draco. Was hoping you had a thing for me, too. Shall we shag now?'"

"You never know."

"I know this. He hates me. Why shouldn't he? I've made his life miserable for years. I never gave him one bloody reason to even like me. So what would make him change his mind now?"

"Draco, sometimes you are a right git, you know that? It's called 'wooing', you idiot. And it's going to take time. So start now. Or do you want the term to end and the summer to come without even the promise of anything?"

She was right. Damn her. Damn all girls. Why couldn't they be more appealing to me? I could shag all the girls I wanted. Probably even the Granger girl had I wanted to soil myself with a Mudblood. But I didn't want girls. I wanted boys. One boy.

So the next day I decided to try. What could it hurt to try? Just be nice. How hard could it be? So what if he called me mental. So he was right.

We were leaving Transfigurations and his stupid ginger-haired freak of a friend and ghastly Mudblood Granger were leaving with him when he told them he forgot something and went back into the classroom. McGonagall was gone already and there was no one there, so I went back inside. He grabbed the book he'd left on his desk and turned around to spot me. His eyes narrowed and his mouth firmed to a straight line. "What do you want, Malfoy?"

Easy, Draco. Easy.

"Just…wanted to say that I thought you did…really well today. Good job. Couldn't…couldn't manage it myself."

Potter froze. I could tell he was readying himself for a comeback but he never expected this. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was on a roll so I continued.

"Yeah," I said, perching on the edge of a desk. I lowered my book bag like I was in for a long stay. "You nailed it. That was a hard one. I usually don't have trouble in Transfigurations, as you know." Steady on, Draco. No boasting. No one likes it. "But…not today. So…so you reckoned how to do it. That's…well, that takes some skill. You're good at this."

That was enough. That was all I could do. I wanted to fling myself from the window and dash my body against the stone courtyard below. That would be better than this waiting. Go ahead. Call me a ferret. Sneer at me and tell me to sod myself. Go on. I know you want to.

His mouth had fallen open and after a long pause he ran his tongue over his lips and shut it. He cleared his throat. "Thanks," he said. He stood there. He didn't know what else to do. Was I going to hex him? He kept looking at my wand hand but I made sure he could see it and I kept it flat on the desk. I kept my face neutral. I was sweating. I felt a trickle meander down my temple.

"Okay, then," I said. I grabbed my book bag perhaps too quickly and he startled back. But then I swung it over my shoulder and began walking out. "See you," I said and left the room. I kept walking. Didn't look back. I wanted to. I wanted to see how long it would take him to come out. But I didn't. I just kept walking. I felt the heat rise in my face. But it had gone okay. He didn't say anything mean to me. I hadn't fallen back on old habits and called him any names. We just had an exchange and it was over. But now I realized we were both headed for double potions. The real test.

He sat in the back and I sat near the front as we always did. I could feel him staring at me. He was probably wondering what I was up to. If this had been the old me it would have been a brilliant scheme. Get him to trust me and then do something really cruel at the end of it. But not this time. Not now.

Snape swept in. He gave me a sneering smile as he always did and stood at the front of the room, his hands clasped behind his back. "The work in this room has become quite shoddy," he said, voice like smoke. Snape was a smooth character. I wish I had the aplomb he had. Maybe it comes with time. I could see myself standing like him, in a black frock coat and eyeing a bunch of dumbstruck adolescents. It would be fun.

"This must be corrected immediately," Snape went on. "I will not waste more of my valuable time instructing you if you cannot make the least amount of effort to improve. To that end, I will partner you up with students who might assist in that endeavor. When I am done calling all the names you will move to sit next to your partner. There is to be no unnecessary talking." He reached for a scroll and unfurled it. "Granger and Goyle. Longbottom and Parkinson…" The list went on. Please please please please. And then, "Potter and Malfoy." Thank You!

I turned and Potter looked down at me sullenly. He reckoned he'd have to bring all his stuff down to me, but I surprised him and grabbed my supplies and hurried up the aisle. I sat beside him and looked at him. No sneer. No lifted brow. I sort of tried a smile but didn't want it to be misinterpreted. He eased over and gave me room. Snape put the instructions on the board and we got to it right away. I was better at potions than Potter was and I started explaining to him what we were supposed to do.

"What are you playing at?" he hissed at me.

"I'm not playing at anything. I know this potion. It's easy if you take your time-"

"I'm not talking about the bloody potion. I'm talking about…this! Your…your being…nice. Like in Transfigurations. What's your game?"

I lifted my face to him. I kept my eyes steady. His eyes were gorgeous. I wanted to lick his eyelids. "I'm not playing at anything and it's not a game. I just thought…well. Don't you think we're a little too old to be getting into schoolyard fights? I mean…you know. I'm an okay bloke. You're…an okay bloke. Right?"

He was completely confused. I want to shag you, Harry, that's all. I want to stick my tongue down your throat and suck on your mouth till the end of term. I want you to run your hands down my body and slip them into my trousers. I want to hold your hand while we walk to Hogsmeade. I want to hear you say you love me.

"Just…keep to yourself, Malfoy. Do your bit of the potion and I'll do mine, all right?"

We worked silently till the end of class. The potion turned out all right. Full marks. Snape smiled at me, sneered at Potter. At Harry. I wish he'd call me Draco.

That night I sat on my bed, drew the curtains, and put a repelling charm around me. I got out my ink, quill, and a small piece of parchment and sat with it for a long time. I had to do this carefully.


Dear Harry,
     I've known you a long time now. There's no use in your trying to guess who this is from, because I've hexed it to be impossible to trace. But I need to say something and this is the only way I can think to do it. I'm not close to you. I'm not your friend. But I want to be. I have really strong feelings for you. Some might say it's a crush but that word isn't really strong enough and it doesn't sound permanent like I know these feelings are. I guess you could say I love you, but maybe that's too strong. I mean, we don't have a relationship. Doesn't love usually come when a relationship is present? But it's like love. Really close to it.
     I wish you could know me. The real me. You see me all the time but you don't know me. I didn't feel this way about boys before, but I do now. And I feel it about you. All I can say is, please give people a chance. People you don't expect. You never know. What if you were rude to someone who could be the love of your life? Maybe that's me.
     The only thing I'll say is that I am not a Gryffindor. Maybe I wish I were then I would have the courage to talk to you face to face. But I don't. Because I don't really think this will ever work.
     But it might.
Love,
Your Admirer

Ghastly. Really ghastly. But I couldn't think of anything else to do. I got a school owl and sent it.

At breakfast when the owls arrived, I saw it leave the letter for Harry. His friends were chatting with one another beside him and never noticed as he opened it. I saw him read it and he jerked upright. Then, slowly, he started to look around.

I felt the heat in my face. I couldn't look away. What if he looked at me? What a stupid thing to do! I never should have sent that sodding letter! What an idiot.

His gaze swept the hall. No one seemed to be looking at him. He clutched the letter tightly. He was interested. Of course he was interested. It was a great letter. Who wouldn't want to get a letter like that? And just as I thought he was going to turn around again his gaze swept mine…and stayed there. I quickly looked down. Oh God oh God oh God.

He didn't notice, did he? He wasn't getting up, was he? I flicked my gaze up. Harry was gone. Where the hell did he go?

Someone was at my back, tapping my shoulder. Nononononononononono.

I turned and looked into green eyes. "A word with you," he said.

The other Slytherins sneered and hissed at him. He ignored them. Stiffly I rose from the bench and followed him out of the hall. But he didn't stop at the entrance. He kept going until we were outside. He walked down the slope from the castle, turned a corner, and found a lonely spot amongst an outcropping of standing stones.

He clutched the letter and shook it. He didn't look happy. "Is this you? What the hell are you doing?"

I stared at the parchment. I felt cold. I felt as if my stomach fell out of the bottom of my feet. I felt stone cold. Should I lie? What are you talking about, Potter? Get out of my way. Go tell someone who cares. Should I fall back into old habits? It was easier, safer, more Slytherin.

He'll hex me. I know he will. Best get it over with.

I took a deep breath. It was shaky. I was trembling all over. "Okay," I said. That tiny voice couldn't possibly be mine. "You can forget it, all right. Just…please. Don't tell anyone. Just burn it, okay. Just don't tell anyone." I turned then. If he hexed me in the back I couldn't fight it. Better that way.

"Malfoy."

I stopped. What was I? A glutton for punishment? But I didn't turn around.

"Are you serious?" he asked incredulously. "Is this letter for real? Are you telling me it's actually…for real?"

"Just burn it, okay. Forget it ever happened."

"But…" I heard the parchment crinkle. He probably dropped his hand to his thigh.

"It was stupid," I said. The floodgates had opened. I couldn't stop myself from talking. Idiot. Shut up! You're making it worse! "How would it be for me to say those things out of the blue? You'd think me mad! But I am mad. Why else would I have said those things? Completely mad. You hate me. Why shouldn't you? I'm hateful. I'm spiteful. I'm ugly and mean. I'm Slytherin. I'm a coward. So burn it, okay. I'll never bother you again. I'll never say anything mean or otherwise. Just forget it." My nose was filling. My face was covered in tears. What was I doing? I'd have to kill myself now. This was horrible. Complete breakdown. I've had it. Life as I knew it was over. I rubbed my sleeve over my nose, but the snot was running fast. God! Merlin! Avada Kedavra me! Please!

"Blimey, Malfoy."

I had been snorting between sobs, altogether a most unpleasant sound, when I froze. I didn't breathe. I listened.

"Shit."

Harry sat.

The world stopped. My heart stopped. It must have. Why wasn't I dead, though?

He unfolded the parchment. At least that's what it sounded like. I still hadn't turned around.

"Sit down, Malfoy."

Sit down, Malfoy. Oh I don't think so. He couldn't have said that. Not in this lifetime.

"Draco. Please. Sit down."

You didn't just use my name. I know you didn't.

"Draco."

I sat. Where I was. I still didn't turn.

"Shit." He rustled the paper. "This was…this was…quite a letter."

I shrugged. Poured my heart out. Yeah.

"I don't understand why you could suddenly have such a change of heart. I mean, you have to admit, it's unusual, isn't it? Not that I have much experience at these things. I don't. I mean…Shit, Draco."

I shrugged. It was all I had.

"Could you please turn around? I don't like talking to your back."

Sure. Why not? No problem. My life's blood was just trickling away. I'll give you my neck so you can finish the job and slit my throat.

I edged around. I flicked my eyes up at him once and then dropped my gaze again. He didn't look angry. He looked like he sounded. Confused. Gentle. Sweet.

He raised the letter. "This is really flattering."

Uh oh.

"Incredibly flattering. I've never received a letter like this."

Uh oh. Why do I have to face him if he's going to reject me? That wasn't very nice, Potter.

"How do I know this isn't a trick?"

Didn't expect that. Actually, expected it much earlier. I looked up. "It's not."

He looked at me. Yep. He could tell it wasn't. No one is that good an actor.

His eyes were fixed on mine. This time I couldn't look away. Didn't want to. There was something in his eyes. Something that almost gave me hope. What was it? Oh yeah. He wasn't hexing me. A very weak barometer, that.

"I…think you're very attractive," he said to me.

?

"Um…if you weren't insulting me or my friends all the time, that is. So…do you want to give it a go? Hogsmeade tomorrow? See if we can be civil to each other and see what happens from there?"

I know I'd gone deaf, or whatever one does when one doesn't hear correctly. I wiped my sleeve across my nose in a very unbecoming manner. He didn't wince or anything.

"What did you say?"

He tucked the parchment into a pocket and smiled. It was a weak smile but it was nevertheless a smile. A real one. At me. "I said we can go to Hogsmeade together tomorrow and see how it goes. Okay?"

"You're joking. Don't joke."

The smile widened. "I'm not joking. Bloody hell, Draco. Not about this."

"Really?"

"Really." He got up. And then he leaned down and offered me his hand.

I stared at his palm. It was wide and square. It was a nice hand. I took it and he hauled me to my feet. He held my hand longer than necessary and then let it go. "Meet you at the gate," he said, thrust his hands in his trouser pockets, and walked back toward the castle. He looked back at me once, and then disappeared into the shadows.

The whoop I gave frightened the birds out of the Owlry.

* * *

I waited at the gate very early. It was stupid, I know. He wasn't going to show up. He was going to sneak past me in his invisibility cloak. That damned cloak! But still I waited. Students walked past me, gave me nasty looks. I gave them nasty looks right back. Everyone, it seemed was on their way to Hogsmeade. Granger and Weasley walked past and they looked at me with the strangest of expressions. Did Harry tell them? Watch this, he must have said. Go past the gate tomorrow and see if Malfoy's there. It'll be a riot. They kept staring at me even when they were far down the lane. Well. Looks like the castle was empty. No Harry. Well. That's a surprise, isn't it? So there. You've got your answer. That's it.

I turned to leave and there he was. Standing right behind me.

"Thought it would be better if I let everyone else go on, you know? Ready?"

"I thought you weren't coming," I said. Kind of snarled it, actually.

He smiled. "Sorry." Oh that's all right then. Harry-sodding-Potter said he was sorry!

Then he took my hand. "Really sorry."

I looked down at my hand in his. Oh. That's all right then.

We set off but as we got closer to Hogsmeade I dropped his hand. Didn't want to. It was warm and felt very nice indeed. He looked at me curiously but I said only, "I didn't think you'd want anyone to know."

He shrugged. Wow. Guess Potter was more out than I thought. Harry, I mean.

We walked into town quietly, avoiding the High Street, at least that was my plan. "What do you want to do, Draco?"

Let's see. I want to grab you and snog you until you're practically inside out.

"Don't know," I said. "Something you want to do?"

"Let's grab a quick bite."

Your neck, perhaps. Or earlobe? I'm not picky.

"Okay."

We skipped the Three Broomsticks, The Hogshead, and the other amusing little places and found a small shop with fish and chips. We each got a cone of chips and walked as we ate.

"So Draco," he said, mouth full of hot chips. "How do you stand on the Voldemort issue?"

Let's skip the tough questions and get to the heart of it, shall we?

"Oh," I said to stall.

"I know your father is a Death Eater so you can dispense with that lie."

I'm insulted. How did he know- I mean why did he think I would lie?

"Doesn't mean I want to be one."

"But by all indications-"

"By all indications I was straight, too. So much for indications."

"Point taken. So. You still haven't answered the question."

"Which side am I on, you mean? What difference does it make?"

He stopped and stared at me as if a horn suddenly sprouted out of my head. "It makes a lot of difference! People are going to die in this war. My parents already died in it. It makes a difference."

I considered. Okay. I was raised to follow the Dark Lord. It was all I knew. But Harry's parents were dead and that wasn't very nice. How would I feel? Pretty damned bad. So that was one point for Harry. But the Dark Lord had all this Dark power. Pretty neat. And people were scared of him. They'd do what he wanted. One point for Lord Voldemort. Harry had all these friends Half-bloods and Mudbloods and those Pureblood Weaselys that didn't seem to know they were Purebloods, stupid Muggle-lovers. That was another point for Lord Voldemort. But the Dark Lord seemed to be trying to kill Harry…

Uh huh.

"I'm on your side. Whatever side that is, that's the side I'm on."

Harry blushed.

Oh my God. That was so sexy.

"Why?"

Why? I kicked at the dirt a bit. "Because…I don't want to see anything bad happen to you."

Harry smiled a little. "I guess that's as good a reason as any. I happen to agree with that one, too."

He chuckled. So did I. We shared a chuckle. Bloody amazing.

We finished our chips and vanished the cones. Harry wiped his hands down his jeans. Typical. I Scourgified mine. "So why are you so interested in me all of a sudden?" he said.

I sighed. Well, I saw you starkers and…

"You're really good-looking, and you're a good wizard, and you're a nice guy- What?"

"I'm a 'nice guy'? Since when is that on the top ten of a Slytherin's list?"

"We like nice. Why wouldn't we? 'Nice jacket', 'nice hairdo', 'nice catch of the snitch', 'nice face'." I looked at him. "Nice lips," I said softly. "Nice eyes."

He swallowed. "Nice one, Draco."

I smiled. "Does there need to be a reason? I just do. Maybe I envy you. You have real friends. I'll never have real friends, friends I can trust one hundred percent. And people actually like you. They'll never feel that way about me. I just like you, too. And…I think you're cute."

"I can't believe you said that."

"Yeah, and here I am dishing out all the compliments. What about you? Why am I even here? Why are you even contemplating this?"

"Are you kidding? I think you're gorgeous."

Breathing, so overrated. So I stopped. For a second. A few. "You do?"

He did a very Gryffindor thing then. He punched me-lightly-in the shoulder. "'Course I do."

"So it's just skin deep, is it, Potter?"

He blinked those long, dark lashes. "Well, I don't really know you. That's why one dates."

"Are we…dating?" I asked tentatively.

"Isn't that what today is?"

What about tomorrow?

I trotted after him. We came to the bottom of a hill. At the top stood the rickety structure of the Shrieking Shack. We both looked up at it. He suddenly turned to me with a mischievous smile. "Want to go in?"

"What? Up there? The most haunted place in Britain? I don't think so."

"Oh come on. Scared?"

"Bloody well yes!"

He leaned toward me. I held my breath. "It isn't haunted at all, you know. I know the secret of that. Want to come and I'll tell you? But you have to promise not to tell anyone. Can I trust you?"

So okay. It wasn't really haunted, Harry was going to tell me a secret, and we'd be all alone in a secluded spot.

"You can trust me. Really."

We walked into the forest and slowly climbed. Harry led the way and I watched him. His jeans were tight and I scoured his backside with my eyes. I could see the Quidditch-honed muscles across his back under his T-shirt.

I had it bad. Very bad.

We reached the shack and I hesitated. He took my hand. "It's not haunted. Trust me."

I let him pull me. Trust me, he said. Could he really trust me? What was he going to tell me? Was it something I should tell my father and his Death Eater friends? Why was I even thinking that? Would I ever do that to Harry? Now?

The shadows fell over us like shrouds as we walked into the creaking structure. It looked exactly like a haunted house is supposed to look, and maybe that should have given it away. He led me to an upper floor to a bedroom and sat with me on the bed. Everything was terribly dusty.

"So now. Are you ready to hear? You won't tell, right?"

"I promise," I said. I think I meant it.

He told me how Dumbledore had created this place for-of all people-Remus Lupin while he was at school. How Harry's father and Sirius Black and that prat Peter Pettigrew became unregistered animagi in order to roam with the werewolf. Oddly, I didn't think it was stupid. I thought it showed an incredible amount of friendship and love. And then I realized that monster Pettigrew threw it all away and betrayed his best friend and had him killed. It made me sick. It made me feel a little bad that I'd wanted Lupin sacked. But nobody likes werewolves, do they? I guessed Harry did, the way he talked about him.

"That's quite a story," I said.

"Yeah." He swung his feet. The bed springs creaked and then he looked at me.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Go ahead," he said.

"How many guys have you been with?"

"When you say 'been with'…?"

"Well…you know."

He laughed. "None. I never did anything. I kissed a guy once but we were both pissed on firewhiskey. I liked it. He didn't. He was straight."

"So…you've never really even kissed a guy."

He looked at me steadily. "No. I guess not."

Somewhere, out of the depths of me, a Gryffindor lion roared. "Can I kiss you?"

Harry sat up. "Yes."

I didn't know the first thing about it. But I'd kissed Parkinson loads of times. How different could it be? So I leaned in and then he leaned in. And my forehead hit his nose.

"Ow!" He clutched his face.

"I'm sorry." I began to laugh. He looked at me angrily. I couldn't help it. Then he laughed and I took his hand away to assess the damage. It looked okay. It wasn't even bleeding. Our laughter died as we realized how close we were to each other and I was still holding his hand. I watched where I was going this time and reached up.

I tilted my head to the side slightly and touched my lips very lightly to his. Oh! It felt so good. I pressed harder and rubbed my lips on Harry's and gently, softly, I swathed my tongue over his closed mouth. And as if he'd been waiting for that, his mouth parted. My tongue snaked forward and met his just poking out. Just the tips caressed for a few moments before I slid mine into his mouth and licked inside that moist heat. Mmmmm. It was so good. His lips opened wider and so did mine and our mouths were just stuck to one another's and we moved them, sliding them back and forth with our tongues mingling. I felt him sigh a moan and I answered with one of my own. His hands crept up my shoulders, fingers digging in. I didn't mind. I slipped mine up under his arms and encircled his back. I pulled him closer, still kissing him. Kissing Harry. Oh Merlin! It was so intimate, so amazing. I turned my head, my mouth slipping off his for only a moment before I plastered it to his again. Our mouths opened, opened on one another's. We tasted, we sucked, we licked, we feasted. He clutched me and I would not let him go. But finally, we both needed to breathe and we drew slightly apart, panting onto each other's lips, linked still by a single thread of saliva. I nibbled his lips and chin. His cheek slid across mine and he took my ear. It tingled down to my groin. I was so hard. I knew he must be too. He leaned away from me for a moment just to look at me. I blinked stupidly at him.

"That was a kiss," he said.

I could only nod in agreement. If I tried to talk I knew it would only come out as a sob.

"We're definitely dating," he said.

I nodded again.

He gave a sly gaze at the bed we were on. He looked at me. I couldn't breathe. "I don't think we should do anything more yet, though, do you?"

No, of course not. Don't mind me. That's just my head exploding.

"I mean, this is still pretty new to both of us, right? Don't want to rush into things."

Since when, you Gryffindor?

"But, I don't mind if we continue to snog a bit," he said.

First sensible thing you've said all day. I jumped him. We kissed for a long time. We touched. I brushed my hand over the bulge at his trousers and he pretended to touch mine accidentally. His green eyes captured mine. Regretting a little not rushing in, are we, Potter? He took in a shaky breath.

"We better…better stop now."

"Yeah," I said. But how are we going to get out of here with these in our trousers?

We walked-stiffly-around the Shrieking Shack and Harry began to tell me about some of his escapades with the invisibility cloak. I began to admire him more and more. When we had settled down, we left and wandered back into Hogsmeade.

"I want to buy you something," I declared.

He blushed again. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to. To celebrate a new day dawning. Malfoy and Potter suddenly friends."

Maybe even lovers.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't know." I felt giddy. Silly. Like a little kid again. "What do you want?"

"I don't know." He laughed.

"I'll buy you all of Honeydukes, shall I? Or a grand share of Zonkos?"

"You don't have to do that." He took my hand. I kept it this time. "Just…" He leaned in. "Write me another letter," he whispered.

* * *

I wanted a lot of things growing up and Father and Mother always got them for me. But I never wanted something so much that the Malfoys couldn't buy it. And here was Harry, just giving himself to me. Not as much as I'd like, mind, because we still weren't doing…you know. But in a way, it was kind of sweet.

And it all would have been quite marvelous if it hadn't been for Weasley and Granger.

They came up to me two days later. Harry was no where to be seen. They looked angry. I couldn't have cared less.

"You're in my light, Mudblood," I said, not even looking at her. I felt her fuming. Perfect.

"Stop calling her that!" hissed Weasley.

I turned to him. "Why?"

"Because it's bloody nasty, that's why."

"You'll have to come up with a better reason than that."

"Never mind that, Ron. We want you to stay away from Harry."

"Because you say so? Oh well then. Right-O!" I turned back to my book. But I knew they wouldn't leave. So. Harry did tell them. He's such a Gryffindor.

Weasley scooted onto the bench beside me and Miss Mudblood slid in on the other side. Oh help. I'm trapped. Someone save me.

"Look," said Weasley, "we don't know what you're plotting, but it won't work. We have our eyes on you."

"Like the view, do you?"

"You won't get away with it," said Granger. "One false move and you are dead meat."

"Quaking in my boots. You done yet?"

"We mean it, Malfoy."

"Oh go away. You're embarrassing yourself. What will you do when you are proved wrong?"

"We're not wrong," the Mudblood went on. Does she ever shut up? "Harry may be too nice a guy, but we aren't. We know a leopard can't change his spots."

"Ever heard of a panther?"

"Just watch yourself, Malfoy," said Weasley, slugging my shoulder on his way out of the bench.

"Ta, ta. Thanks for the chat."

Not long thereafter, Harry showed up. "What did they want?"

"Oh come on, Harry. You know what they wanted? They wanted to flail me alive and boil my carcass in a pot of oil."

"I told them-"

"And they don't believe you. Why should they? Why should you, come to think of it? You are far too gullible."

"Is that what they said?"

Well here was an opportunity. I could take a moment here and drive a wedge between the Golden Trio and without any work on my part but a well-placed word or two. Gosh. The day was just getting better and better.

"Well you know, they didn't sound like they trusted your judgment very much. The least they could do is believe you when you tell them something." Tee hee.

Harry glowered, turned on his heel, and pursued them.

Some days things just went your way.

A shadow passed over my table. I looked up.

And some days they didn't.

"Mr. Malfoy," said Snape. "A moment of your time."

I stuffed my things back in my book bag and followed him to his office in the dungeons. He sat. I stood. That wasn't good.

He scowled at me. "I've heard a rumor, Mr. Malfoy. Usually, I do not hold much store in the rantings of the unwashed, but I have reason to suspect that this rumor might have the possibility of being true."

"Yes, sir?"

"This rumor concerns you and Harry Potter."

I waited. I sweated and I waited.

He leaned forward over his desk, a desk stained by the red ink he used to mark our papers. At least I hoped it was ink. "That you and Harry Potter are in the throes of a…romantic relationship."

He wanted me to deny it. He hoped against hope that I would. But thinking about Harry and about his kisses and caresses I simply couldn't do that. I gulped. "It is true, sir."

"Gods!" He jumped to his feet. "Have I not cultivated you over these years, Draco? Have I not shown you special favors, took you under my wing, protected you? All for nothing?"

"And…I'm grateful, sir. But this…this is for me."

"And what, pray, has the rest of it been?"

"For my father, of course. I'm not a fool… Sir."

Snape glared at me over the length of that nose. He snorted. That was as much admission as he would make. "At least be a little discreet," he hissed.

"I'm not afraid of this."

He swooped, his hands on the desk, his face far too close to mine. "Then you are a bigger fool than I suspected. You should be afraid. Afraid of what your father will say. Afraid of what…He…will say."

And suddenly I was. Maybe my father I could deal with, but the Dark Lord? I had to go home sometime. The Slytherin in me was trying to take over. It was smarter than me. At least it knew about self-preservation.

I left the dungeons feeling a little sick. I walked around the lake by myself. I was usually by myself now, since I got rid of Crabbe and Goyle. And now that it was spreading that I was carrying on with Harry Potter, the rest of Slytherin wasn't too happy with me either. And even though Pansy had suggested it in the first place, she was not above some of her own self-preservation. I didn't blame her. I would have done the same. Harry was all I had. But by the way he was stomping over the grass toward me, I realized I may not have him much longer either.

"You baited me. You used me."

"It's what I do. I thought you knew that."

"But not with me. Not anymore."

"I don't like your friends. I never have and I never will."

"Oh really? Well that's a problem. Because I don't intend to give them up. So either you change or we have to rethink this."

"Well that was fast. Two days. Is that a record?"

"That's all you have to say?"

I turned away and stared at the lake. "What do you want me to say?"

"That you're sorry. That you'll try to get along with them. That you care enough about me to try."

But I didn't say anything, even while my heart was breaking because I knew that I couldn't promise anything of the kind. That it was better for everyone if we weren't together. In fact, the only people our being together seemed to benefit was the two of us and the math just didn't compute.

"Fine!" Those were his last words to me. I almost turned to watch him go, but I couldn't bear it.

McGonagall came up to me later and had the nerve to drag me to her office. When she accused me of using Harry for nefarious reasons I shut her up as best I could.

"Save your breath. It's over, okay! Does that make everyone happy? He's broken it off. That should make you and Snape and my father and the Dark Lord all very pleased. Everyone but me. But that doesn't matter because Draco is only plotting something. It's not like he has actual feelings or anything that anyone should worry over. So it's all just peachy now." My face was wet. When did that happen? "So everyone can just bloody well sod off now and leave me alone!" I stood up. "Can I leave now?"

She looked at me with that stern, pruney look of hers, but there was something else in her eyes now. She seemed…sad.

"Draco," she said softly. "I think I owe you an apology."

"Yeah? Well what difference does it make? He's gone. And I've got no one. Slytherin hates me now. Everyone hates me more than they ever did. Even Snape-"

"Professor Snape-"

"Even Professor Snape doesn't like me. So what does it matter?" I didn't bother waiting to be dismissed. Who cares? I left. I was going to go to Slytherin but there was no relief there. So I went back to the lake. It was getting dark. But so what? Maybe something would eat me. Then it would be over. Death Eater fathers and Dark Lords where there was no room for love. Who needed them? It would all be over.

My face was still wet.

I must have fallen asleep because the moon was out and shimmering on the lake. I watched it. My whole body was damp. I could have put a warming charm on me but why bother? I pulled my cloak over me. Gee. I was missing from my bed well after curfew and no one gave a damn enough to search for me. That told me something.

Then I heard footsteps on the damp grass approach. Brilliant. Probably Filch. That would round out the day nicely.

I turned to look, but no one was there.

Good. Now I'm hearing things.

Then I heard them again. I turned again and still nothing was there. Except that something was. He threw off his invisibility cloak and stared at me. My heart gave a lurch but I didn't say anything and turned my attention back to the lake.

"They're looking for you."

"Yeah? So what?"

He eased down to the ground beside me. "McGonagall told me she talked to you. She told me what you said. Are you really in danger from Voldemort if you stay with me?"

I shrugged. Who knew what that lunatic thought of anything? I wasn't about to second guess him.

"If I hadn't broken up with you, would you have broken it off with me because of him?"

"No." It just came out. I didn't even have to think about it. My heart hurt.

"Well…maybe I don't really want to break it off with you then."

"You can just stomp on my heart anytime you take a fancy to it, can you?"

"No. I'm sorry I did that. I was just really angry at how you were treating me and my friends. Like you thought it was a joke or something."

"I did think it was a joke. That's who I am."

"And you don't want to change? Seems like you did when you wanted to take up with me."

"That's…different."

"It isn't. They'd be your friends, too. And Dumbledore would protect you, you know that. If being with me was dangerous for you to go home, he'd keep you here at Hogwarts. And…and I'd stay, too. He told me I'd have to go to the Dursleys for a bit-can't imagine why-but then I could come back. And we'd have Hogwarts to ourselves for the whole summer."

That was a heady thought. I'd miss my mother and father, but when Father was angry things could get bad. And I wouldn't mind being a little safer from the Dark Lord. Wish I was brave enough to say his name like Harry was.

I looked at him. "You really want me back?"

He looked pretty sad. He scooted closer and put his arm around me. He dropped his head on my shoulder. I smelled his hair. "I really do."

"I'm in love with you," I said.

He squeezed. "Me too."

Okay then. Hogwarts in the summer, hide from the Dark Lord, love Harry Potter. My to-do list was looking better.

The End


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