"Here. I got this for you."

"What is it?" I ask taking a plastic bag from Ian.

"Open it and find out," he says taking off his coat and stamping thesnow off his shoes in the doorway. "I thought I'd come over before I hadto head out to my next client and see what's up and if you wanted to comeout and grab a bite to eat."

I look inside the bag and find a red fluffy Christmas stocking withfurry white trim. It's plush and soft against my fingers and flipping itover to the other side I feel something like tiny shards of glass.

"What the..." I say as I move into kitchen to get a better look atthe side with glitter under the light.

There's a C and something that wants to pass for an R and a very lazyS at the end.

"Ok so I'm not the best at writing someone's name with glitter glue,but I thought what the hell. Everyone deserves a Christmas stockingespecially with Christmas a few days away," says Ian moving out of thekitchen to the living room after grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"What am I supposed to do with this," I turn around look towards theliving room where Ian's just set himself on the couch.

He takes a swig of his beer and places it on one of my school textbooks that was lying on the floor next to the sofa. "Don't be an ass,Carlos. You're certainly not going to put it on your head!" he says halflaughing and snorting. "You're going to put it," he says looking aroundthe room and finally point to a spot over the television, "here."

He gets up, grabs the stocking from me, and goes into the kitchen andcomes back with one of my tired, old vinyl chairs that I use to sit at mysad Formica dinner table that I had gotten from Goodwill.

"You know," Ian says stepping up on the chair with the nail stuckbetween his teeth, "it's not such a big ordeal to decorate this place forthe holidays. Hand me the hammer, would you?"

I automatically hand him the hammer. "Maybe I don't want todecorate. Wait. I had a hammer?"

He pauses and turns to look at me, "Uhm, yeah, I found it under thesink...so what do you think? Is this high enough?"

"That's fine," I reply.

"What's up with you? You seem more moody than usual," he sayscoming down off the chair.

"It's nothing," I answer automatically and casting a curious eye atthe stocking. I sit down on the sofa and pull one of the sofa cushionstowards me.

"It doesn't seem like nothing to me," he says sitting on the couchwith me. "Those guys you went to go see the other night didn't do anythingtoo freaky, did they? I know they can be weird."

"Weird? They're freaks," I say plainly. "But, no, they didn't doanything too bad from what I could tell the next morning."

"Well that's good," he says. "You know we get all kinds in this lineof work."

I laugh a bit thinking how true that is. I stop for a secondwondering if should say what I am about to say. "You wanna know the reallyweird thing about that night? I actually kinda liked it."

Ian swallows the swig of beer that he had been swallowing almostchoking, "You liked it? What do you mean liked it? They creep me the fuckout like you wouldn't believe and you're saying you like them?"

"It's not what you think," I say. "I'm not into their weird shit.It's just that when I was sitting between them and they were paying allthat attention to me it felt so nice. I... I pretended I was... I was justa kid again."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Heh, well I don't think your parents or anyone's parent would sliptheir kid a sleeping pill in their hot chocolate for Christmas," he saysplaying with the label on his beer.

"Yeah, well there were times when I was kid that I wished I had beenknocked out throughout the entire holidays," I say.

"What were your parents like?" asks Ian.

"My dad was pretty much never there. He and my mom would get intothese fights and he would move out and then move back in to sleep on thecouch in the living room. Honestly, I stopped noticing what was going onin their marriage when I was about ten. I figured it was none of mybusiness and if they wanted to fuck their lives up then they could justkeep me out of it.

"My mom was intense. Gawd, was that woman intense when she was onyou about something," I half laugh remembering some of those times.

"What do you mean she was intense?" asks Ian moving closer to me.

"Well it's like she used to get super possessive about me and mybrother. No one else could be number one in our lives before her. She'dnag, nag, nag about the littlest things to the point where you'd want toscream, but you couldn't `cause she'd go off and ground me. I never coulddo anything right, neither."

"Sounds rough," he says, "but, hey, I don't want to get you workedup. I'm supposed to be cheering you up and not bringing you down."

"It's ok," I say looking down at my hands on my lap amazed that I hadmanaged to talk to someone about my past. "But now you know what I meantwhat I said that I liked the other night. I've never felt like that oreven imagined living in a house where I could have a nice room, parents whoactually pay attention, and all that."

Ian doesn't say anything. He looks like he's lost in some memory ofhis or he really is into the label on his beer,

"I'm gonna get another beer?" I ask changing the subject.

"Sure," he yells after me as I head into the kitchen.

I come back to find Ian absent-mindedly flipping through some of mytext books that I used during the semester that just finished.

As if on cue he asks, "You're sure you don't mind me hanging outuntil I have to head out to my call?"

"Nah," I say as I start to flip through the channels on the TV.Actually, I have gotten used to him coming over and it's been nice to havesomeone to talk to... wait... not someone. Ian. It's Ian I'm glad tohave. I think that before I just needed to be able to talk anyone oranything: a priest, a therapist, a dog, a plant. I just didn't know it.Now I'm just glad it's him.

"You wanna watch something in particular," I ask looking hisdirection on the couch.

He looks up from my English Literature text, "Nope, not really." Helooks back down at the book and then at me, "What the hell are you going todo with "Sinners in the Hand of Angry God"?

I smile, "What do you mean?"

"Don't get me wrong. I'm all for getting an education and all andthat it helps in landing a career, but what is knowing this," he sayspointing to the piece by John Donne in the book, "going to do for you inlooking for a job? Are you going to be a teacher or something?"

I cock my head to the side a little and think about it. "Well," Isay shifting uncomfortably on the couch, "I was thinking about going intosales or marketing for a company."

"You don't like talking about this," he says fingering the pages ofthe book.

"No...no it's not that," I say pulling my legs underneath me on theopposite end of the couch. "It's not that at all. It's just that I neverreally talked about my plans with anyone at all."

His fingers stop and the book slips a little down his lap as heregards me with this look.

"What?" I ask.

"You're really that alone, aren't you?"

"Don't..." I close my eyes and grip legs a little tighter. Not this.

"Don't what," he says moving closer to me on the couch and cutting meoff from saying what I really want to say.

I want to be angry. I want to be pissed, but I can't seem to findthe will to muster any of that into my lungs. "Just don't go feeling sorryfor me," I say sounding hollow.

Ian sits there and says nothing. He leans back on the couch andpicks up the book he's had in his lap and goes back to the piece by Donne.

"You know I'm no angry god, Carlos. If anything I'm just as much asinner as you are," he says finally flinging the book across the roomtowards my cheap Target bookcases.

"Yeah, I know that," I answer with a slight smile knowing how muchsinning we both have done.

"Then give this whole bullshit act of a wall a rest and talk to me,"he says moving closer. "There's nothing you haven't done that I haven'tdone. I'm not going to judge you or walk away."

"Alright, already," I smile. "Just give me some time to get usedto this. It's been a long time since I've felt... safe with anyone. Fromtime to time I shut down but it's got nothing to do with you."

Ian reaches over and places his hand over mine giving it a goodsqueeze while it hold my knees close to my chest, "I'm going to hold you tothat."

For a few seconds his thumb brushes the back of my hand and itfeels good. I look into his eyes and I'm right the edge of something whereI feel I should say anything or do something, but I just sit there andenjoy teetering on that edge.

Nothing happens between us and we sit and enjoy the television fora while. I really am not paying any attention. I keep switching betweenthe last job I did for those freaks, Cal, the stocking over the TV, and Iansitting there on my couch and in my home. How'd he end up in here I thinkto myself.

After a while Ian gets up and throws the empty beer bottles in thetrash, "Hey, I need to get going or else I'm gonna be late."

"Ok," I say coming out of my trance.

"Listen, since I know you're not going to be much for the holidays,like I am, so I figured you could join me in making some extra cash. Youcan come dance with me at the strip club downtown on Thursday," he says ashe slips his hat on his head.

"Dance!? You're kidding, right?"

He's slipping his shoes on at the door and turns to add, "Don'tgive me that bullshit, remember? You promised. Besides I'll make sureit's enjoyable."

"Uh..."

"Nah-uh nothing. You're going to do it and have fun at it. I'llmake sure of it. A couple of shots, some good music, and a few tips willget you in the mood," he says cutting me off.

I walk over to the door to let him out and depsite myself I smileand start to laugh. This is the craziest thing I could do right now, butfor the life of me I can't figure out why.

All bundled up to face the cold he stops and cups his hand on myface. "It's nice to see you laugh. It looks good on you."

Before I can say anything he leans and gives me a very sweet butshort kiss.

Wow.

"Stay warm," and with that he walks out the door.

--1987--

"That was nice," says Cal. I'd just finished kissing him rightafter school in one of the deserted classrooms. He sighs and cradles myface in his hands before letting me go.

"Doesn't seem like you enjoyed it that much," I say leaning backagainst the teacher's desk.

He throws his head back and I can tell he's frustrated. "It's notyou, ok."

"Yvette,"

"Yeah, her," he replies. "What the fuck am I going to do?"

"I can't believe you actually fucked her without a rubber..."

"Carlos... just stop, ok?" he says. "What does it matter now what Idid?"

"Look, I'm sorry I said that," I said going across the room to him."I just can't believe she had the nerve to come over and pound on yourwindow. What happened after I left?"

I'd been rubbing his lower back and he turns to look at me, "Shewanted to know what I was going to do about it."

"It? It the baby or it the whole situation?"

"I... I really don't know. We didn't really talk that much.Actually she's the only one that did most of the talking and I just stoodthere."

"But what did she say?" I press on. "She must have wanted somethingfrom you to come all the way in the middle of the night to talk to you."

He sighs getting up from the desk, "It's like I said, Carlos. Shewants to know what we're going to do and fuck if I know what that is."

I kick a wadded up piece of paper left in the classroom wonderingwhat I can say or what I can come up with to fix this. I've alwaysbelieved that we have options. They might not be the best options but it'ssomething that we can actually do except right now I didn't like any ofthem in particular.

"You don't think she wants you to marry her, do you?" I ask havingmulled that as one of the most horrid options available.

"I don't know," he says hands over his eyes sounding a littleirritated.

"Does she want to keep it? Do you want to keep it?" I say pressingfurther.

"I don't know!" he explodes. "I don't know, ok? I don't know whatshe wants to do. She just fucking showed up and put it in my fucking lap,ok? And, I have no god damn clue what the fuck I'm going to do! I don'thave any answers and you pestering me isn't helping."

Cal's pacing around the room screaming at the top of his lungs. I'mglad that school and debate practice is over cause I'm sure somebody wouldhave coming running in to find out what's going on.

"I'm sorry," I yell back causing him to stop and hang his head. "I'mactually trying to help here. There's gotta be something we can do." Ibegin to tick off the options on my hand, "First of all you can ask her toprove that this is your kid. She's not the most `wholesome' girl in classafter all. Second, you can have her have an abortion. Hell I'll even helpyou pay for it. Or, maybe you can have her give the baby up for adoption.Maybe your parents can help with that."

Cal continues to listen. I'm on a roll thinking that we have optionsand that I'm not going to lose him to something as stupid as a knocked uphigh school student. "You can tell Yvette the truth, ya know. Tell heryou're with me now. Maybe she'll back down."

"Are you fucking crazy!? Yvette? Back down?" he snorts. "Not onlywould we have to deal with being called fags but I'd be the fag that gothis ex-girlfriend pregnant. Do you know what that would be like? Do youknow what my parents would do? Do you know what this school would do tous?"

I reach out to try and reason with him, "No, what would all that belike?"

He swats my arm away with his eyes ablaze, "My parents would fuckinglose it, man! Their last son making up for all the perfect childrenthey've had by being some double loser – gay and getting a girlpregnant. Oh and you can bet that anything that you've had to deal withbefore with the Claudia and her friends would be fucking cake compared tothis. Imagine what they would do with this,"

"Is that what you think? Is that what you really think that we are– losers?" I gesture between us. "This is all some fucking joke toyou."

"Gaaah," he drops to his haunches with his arms over his head. "Juststop it, ok? Would you fucking lay off me?"

I lean back against a desk and pinch the bridge of my nose willingthe headache behind my eyes to go away and to give myself a moment to calmdown.

"Fine, fine... I'll stop but just know that I'm trying to help you."I say looking down at him. He's fully slumped down on the floor with hishead leaning back against the wall in the classroom. "I'm trying to helpus," I add more softly.

"I know you are," the fight in him starting to escape with a sigh."I'm scared."

I drop in front of him and rub away a tear sliding down his cheek, "Iam too. I'm afraid I'm going to lose you. I thought we had some time tosort us out what with Anna and our parents and college coming up butnow... now this changes everything. I guess I just want to fix this foryou."

His head rolls off to the side and into my open palm, "I know."

"Then let me help you."

He gently grabs the wrist of my hand cradling his face, "I don't knowif there is really anything you can do, Carlos." He looks down andinterlaces our hands together. "This is something between Yvette and me.This isn't just her baby. It's my baby too."

"Now you don't know that for sure," I start before he softly butfirmly cuts me off with a tighter grip on my hand

"Carlos, stop. I have to figure this out and right now I don't evenknow what I'm thinking or feeling. I'm just trying not to freak and youtrying to help like you are is pushing me over the edge."

"I didn't mean..." I begin to explain myself.

He puts his other hand on my mouth, "Shhh... let me finish." Hepulls up from the floor and he sits himself in the teacher's chair while Isit across from him on the desk. He holds my hands and looks up at me,"Carlos, about earlier... about us. I love you. I love you very much buteven without this shit with Yvette I don't think I would be ready right nowto let everyone know about us. I was happy before just having this bebetween us."

"But the other day you were freaking out about Anna..." I startwanting him to explain how he can just change his mind so quickly likethat."

"That's different. That's me getting insecure about how you feelabout me but to just come out and tell everyone that you and I aretogether? I don't think I'm ready for that. As long as I knew you lovedme was all that mattered, but now it's complicated."

"What do you mean – complicated?"

"That's just it. I don't know and I have to figure out what I'mgoing to do and right now I don't have any answers and you pushing isn'thelping me so please, please just give me some time to figure this out."

I close my eyes and sigh, "What are you saying? Do you want me toleave you alone?"

"No, I just need you to lay off for a bit. Let me think thisthrough"

"Ok," I stand up arms crossed and walk away from him trying to findthe right combination, the right cure of things to say and do that couldfix this and I couldn't think of anything that would put us back to the waywe were before this. "Fine," I say softly.

"I love you, Carlos," he wraps his around me startling me. I hadn'theard him get up to stand right behind me.

With my voice cracking I grab his arms, "I love you too. I justdon't want to lose you."

Trying to regain some sense of control I turn around to face him,"Ok, I'll give you some space. We've got one more day of class before theweekend and I've got to help my mom around the house on Saturday and notmention that I've got something going on Friday night with Anna. Justpromise me that before you decide on doing anything that you'll call me,ok?"

"I promise," he says planting a small kiss on my lips.

"It's getting late and I've got homework and my mom's probablywondering where the hell I am," I try to smile back.

"Ok," he says starting to let me go but before he completely lets goand I leave he adds, "You are still one of the strongest people I know andyou have no idea how I envy that."

I smile weakly knowing that admission is something if not anaffirmation of our love and walk out of the classroom. Walking home Iresolve again to figure out something for us to do. There's gotta be a wayto prove that Yvette's been sleeping around. This can't be Cal's kid. Idon't quit. Ever. I always have fought back even with all this shit withthe GT class and Claudia and even with Anna. I thought that I'd neverstand a chance with a girl like Anna but I didn't quit. I wasn't afraid tolet my guard down.

Now there's this and I'm not going to stop fighting for Cal.

I got home 20 minutes later and found my brother watching TV in theliving room, "Where's mom?"

"I dunno," he says not bothering to look up.

I start to look for something to eat in the fridge still trying tocome up with anything that would make sense.

"Hey," Javier yelled from the living room, "Anna called you."

"Ok," I grab the phone in the hall and pull it into my room alongwith my leftovers from the fridge.

"Mom's going to freak if you're eating in your room," I hear Javierfrom down the hall.

"She's not going to find out," I yell back. I think I heard himmutter something back but he's too engrossed in the episode of McGyver herecorded on the VCR last night. I dial Anna's number knowing that I've notbeen paying attention to her like I should. She picked up after a fewrings.

"Hello," she answers.

"Hey, it's me." I say with my mouth half full of leftovers.

"Don't talk with your mouth full! That's gross," she says halfjoking and half serious. Uh oh. She tends to be giggly bossy when she's alittle miffed.

"Sorry," I say swallowing the rest of the food in my mouth.

"Listen," she says, "for Friday's dance I was wondering if we couldinvite Cal. I have someone that I think he might be interested in."

I nearly choked on the soda that I had been swallowing, "What!?"

"There's a girl from the church that goes to the retreats with myyounger sister that I think Cal would have a good time with to get his mindoff of Yvette."

"Anna, I really don't think that's...," gawd could this get anyworse?

"Oh come on. He really needs to get his mind off of Yvette and Ithink that this is the perfect thing for him. He'll be with us and I knowthis girl. She's nice and she's nothing like Yvette at all. I actuallycalled him right before you called but his mom said he hasn't made it homefrom school yet."

I push the plate of food away from me having lost my appetite, "Don'tyou think that this is something he needs to come to on his own? He justbroke up with Yvette and you want to push someone else on him?"

"Gosh, it's not like he's going to marry her at the dance, Carlos.He's just going to spend time meeting someone new and it would help if hisbest friend were there to help with the introductions. I know he'll listento you."

I snort derisively knowing how well he had just listened to me lessthan an hour ago, "I don't know about this."

"Just promise me that when you talk to him later that you'll ask himto join us. Don't tell him anything about this that way there won't be somuch pressure. Besides it's the least you can do to make up for how littletime you've spent with me the past few weeks," she adds.

I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose again with thefamiliar headache roaring back to life from earlier this afternoon. "Fine.I promise I'll ask him." Here I go making promises I sure as hell don'twant to keep.

"Great," Anna beams through the phone, "I love it when a plan comestogether beautifully like this. You watch this will be perfect."

We talked a few minutes more before I heard my mother's car cominginto the carport. Anna knew very well that I had to hang up and get thatplate of food back into the kitchen before my mother walked in. Anna knewhow much I liked eating at my desk in my room.

The rest of the evening was mostly ok except that my mom couldactually smell the food had been down the hall in my room and she forbademe to use the phone that night. That was ok I guess since I didn't reallywant to tell my boyfriend that my girlfriend wanted to set him up on adate.

Life's really fucked up sometimes.

--1995—

"Dude, this is totally fucked up," I say laughing at myself in themirror. There are about 4 other guys in the upstairs office of the gay barthat Ian and I are supposed to dance at tonight.

"Nah, you're fine. You just need some fluffing up," he saysadjusting how the straps sit on my hips.

"Uhm, hello, someone call for a fluffer," says one of the otherdancers putting on his gear for the show. The black leather chaps raspagainst the chair in the tight quarters making his way toward us.

"My name is Duane," he says introducing himself to me. He's ebonyskin is smooth as is the rest of his body or at least what wasn't hidden bythe leather.

He turns to Ian, "Well, well, well... you didn't tell me you werehiding this lovely young thing from all of us." Though Duane is built andbuff the voice coming out of his mouth was all queen.

"Come off it, Duane," laughs Ian. "You're a sucker for freshmeat."

"Oh, you got that right," coos Duane as he caresses my bare nipplewith his fingers, "but this is one fine looking man you have here."

I just look down and blush with a smile on my face.

"Aww look. He's shy," adds Duane giving my exposed ass a nice hardslap. He turns to look at Ian, "Well you know he's going to need an outfitto wear and he's not going to make any money acting all skittish on thedance floor during his number."

"Don't worry. Don't worry," Ian assures him. "I've got itcovered. He'll be wearing Jim's construction outfit," he says motioningover to another dancer adjusting his cock in his thong. Next to him was apoliceman's uniform which I assume he was going to use instead of theconstruction uniform that I was going to use.

"And as far as loosening him up," Ian reaches for a flask he hadhis in gym bag and pours me a shot in an empty coffee mug that has the clublogo on it. "This should do the trick."

"What is this," I say taking the cup from him and sniffing it.

"It's just come Captain Morgan rum. Take a few shots of thisbefore your number and you'll be fine. Just go with the music and let yourbody do what it wants to do," he says reaching into my thong to grab a holdof my cock. He starts to slowly and sensuously give me a hand job. "Wellexcept for this," he squeezes my cock for emphasis. "We need this to gethard."

I giggle feeling the warmth of the rum rush through my body. I nowpay attention to the seemingly far off din and thumping beat of the musicin the bar down below.

"That's not how you fluff someone," exclaims Duane coming backtoward us. He hunches down with a theatrical sigh like he's bothered andpulls my cock out. He slowly begins to lick underneath my shaft beforelicking the ridge of my cock's crown. He then starts to expertly suck meoff. Between that and the rum I remember myself. I am, after all, a maleescort and puff myself up with pride for my profession. I half sigh inpleasure and giggle at the same time at the ludicrous image in my head ofme unionizing all of Harold's escorts.

While I'm getting blown Ian pours me another shot, "Listen to me.These pants have snaps on the side as does the shirt. All you need to dois go out there and dance for at least ¼ o the song fully clothed and thenevery 30 seconds or so take something off. Make it smooth and sensual orjust rip it off. Do whatever you think would work with the mood you arein. Just remember to work the audience. Get them worked up and they willtake their money out. The more your tease the more they're going to wantto give you money in hopes that you'll let them touch you or let them lookat your cock."

At that comment Duane pulls off my cock, "Just don't look likeyou're too easy or else they'll think you're cheap and can be had. Youwant to make them work for you so don't give away the store. Wait untilyour number is over and you're dancing on the bar or one of the side stagesafter the show." Duane goes back to sucking my cock some more.

"Careful, careful," Ian chides Duane. "You don't want him to cumyet."

Duane pulls off and puts my now very erect cock in my thong andgives Ian this playful sneer. He then looks back at me, "There you gosweetie. It was my pleasure." He pats my cock gently as he licks hislips.

I smile back blushing, "Thanks."

"Here put this on before you put on your costume," says Ian handingme a cock-ring.

Cock-rings I know and I have no problem putting them on as I haveseveral at home that I sometimes take to some of my clients who like theyway the look.

"When am I going on," I ask as I finish put on the rest of thecostume and look at myself in the mirror. I don't look so bad as I grinlopsidedly in the mirror.

"Right after Jim," answers Ian as he puts his stethoscope aroundhis neck to finish off his doctor costume/look. "I'll be going first andthen when I'm done I'll be out on the side bar dancing. Which reminds mewhen you are done with your number you come up here and put your clothesaway and walk down to the side stage or to the bar to dance for more tipswhile the rest of us perform."

Jim has already gone downstairs as we are speaking and I can hearthe club DJ announce him to the club. Ian then points out Jim's bag andtells me to just fold up his costume and put it in Jim's bag. Ian thentakes both of our bags and tucks it under desks in the office.

I look back at the mirror and can't remember when I last was goingto dance in front of so many people much less as a stripper. I start toremember another dance a long time ago when I guess Ian catches my far awaylook.

"Hey, you ok," he says stroking the side of my face.

I go back into escort mode, put on my fake smile, and tug at mycock, "Heh, nah I'm fine."

Ian pauses a second like he's not buying it but I guess he decidesto let it go, "Listen, I know this isn't the best time but it is almostChristmas Eve and all," he says looking at the clock up in the office thatsays it's 10:14pm, "but I wanted to tell you that the other day with youwas more than just a hook-up."

I look him in the eye and I can tell that this is serious for himand that he's really opening up to me.

I nod giving him permission to continue.

"And, I know that you and this Jeff guy were dating before thebreak but," he says looking down as if losing his confidence, "if thatdoesn't work out I'm here, ok?"

Jim's music is blaring through the speakers with his number about ¼of the way through. Duane's off in the other side of the office too busyadjusting the ray bans on his face to notice us and when I look back I seeIan is still waiting for some kind of response for me.

I reach for his hand that had been stroking my face but that wasnow resting on my hip, "Thanks, Ian. I know I haven't been the easiestperson to get to know and I appreciate what you are doing for me now," Ismile sweetly hoping he'll understand that I really do appreciate him andat the same time realize that this isn't easy for me. "Why don't we talkabout this when we are done later? Tonight?"

"Deal,"

"Drama, drama, DRAMA," squeals Duane while till trying to perch hisleather hat on his head. "You know I can still hear every word you bitchessaid despite that same tired ass Madonna number Jim always plays for hislittle routine." With that he turns around flashes us his bright toothysmile.

Ian turns around hands on his hips and laughs, "Just mind your ownbusiness and by the way your chaps are crooked."

Duane immediately turns around to look in his mirror and begins toadjust his chaps this way and that way grunting that he can't seem to getit right. Secretly, I'm glad Duane was there. It made the rest of thetime Ian go by easier. My cock stayed hard with the cock ring and I tookone more shot of Captain Morgan when Ian went down to do his number.

I sat down for a few minutes and listened to Duane and Jim cackleand gossip about someone downstairs who works in the club when Jim cameback to stash his costume. I began to focus like I was going to go do ajob and perform. I am here to service someone else and I started to turnon that charm, that personality of mine that my clients and some of thecustomers below knew – the hot sexy student with an awesome cock andbody.

By the time Ian came back he was all sweaty and had more than afistful of singles and even a fiver or two. He told me he was going to bedancing on the side bar during my number as he stashed as his clothes inhis bag. Jim was going to be dancing on the bar. He gave me a quick peckon the cheek and slap on the ass before I started running down the stairs.

The DJ was calling my name as I was coming up to the dance floor.The club as crowded at this point and the customers parted a little bit asI tried to make it to the dance floor. While the DJ cued up my music Itook a deep breathe and slipped into my `persona' for the night. The rumhelped – a lot actually. The cock ring was doing its job too. Itwasn't that bad actually. I decided to go for nice, slow, and sensuous asthe music blared over the speakers. There were a lot of cute guys and someolder and not so good looking guys but it didn't matter to me what theylooked like as long as I saw a folded up bill sticking out from theirhands.

Though it felt like hours it was only about 10 minutes worth ofdancing and stripping when it was all said and done. I'd followed theadvice I'd been given and teased and worked it for all it was worth and Iwas rewarded with fives, a lot of singles, a few tens, and even a twentydollar bill. I waved to the crowd and ran up the up stairs passing Duaneon the narrow stairway.

"You go, gurl," he said as he passed me.

I folded up my costume and neatly tucked it into Jim's bag. He mustalready be dancing on the bar I thought to myself. I tucked a few dollarbills through the side of my thong and checking to make sure that I stillhad a nice boner in my thong. When I got to back out into the bar Irealized I hadn't decided where I was going to dance while Duane did thelast strip number for the night.

A few guys came up to me and rubbed my sweaty chest and played withmy nipples. I smiled back and laughed playing along. Ultimately I decidedto go dance on the main bar. The bartender at that station I choose wasfriendly and cordial knowing that he would get more customers with a hotdancer on his bar. As I pulled myself up I felt a hand slide down betweenthe cleft of my ass and gently rub my hole. It felt nice and when I got upand turned around the guy rewarded me with a dollar bill.

It went on like this – dancing and getting tips for about 30minutes. Jim was busy working side of the bar while Duane and Ian workedthe side stage. They both seemed to be doing really well on tips like Iwas. It must be the holiday season with classes out and people onvacation. It seems like everyone was in a good mood and happy to bestow uswith their glad tidings. I waved at Ian and he waved back with a smile. Iwas actually getting into this and having a good time. It would never payas much as hustling and be something I would do full time but it wasturning out to be not so bad.

After a few more minutes Ian and Duane came over from the side stageto the bar, "We're going to going to go get changed," yells Ian over themusic and the crowd at the bar.

I cup my hand to my ear to show that I'm having a hard time hearing.

"They're going upstairs to change," says Jim who'd come over from theother side of the bar to explain. "The side stage usually shuts downaround midnight but since we are hear on the bar we usually stay till12:30"

"Thanks!," I say yelling into his ear.

The music is loud and there is a crowd around Jim and I. They hadnoticed us get close to each other and were cheering us on to dance witheach other. Jim and I looked and other just shrugged and went with it. Wegyrated and grinded against each other and this made the money flow evenmore. Guys were lining up to tip us and to order drinks and at one pointit was at least 4 people deep at the bar.

I squatted down to let a patron put a dollar bill in my thong andfeel my cock when for some reason I decided to look to my left and rightinto the eyes of Jeff.

I froze and instinctively tightened the grip on the guy's wristwhom was placing a tip in my pouch.

"Ouch, that fucking hurt," says the older guy.

I quickly apologize and look back to still find Jeff looking at me.It was a cold, hard look. He pauses for a second and turns fights his wayback out of the crowd. I jump down and start to chase after him pushingthrough the throng of people. I catch up to him and grab him by theshoulder as he makes it to the outside patio. It's cold and therefore notmany people are there.

"Jeff," I start to say.

"Get your hands off me," he snaps back which causes some of theother gay men in the outside bar look at us.

"Jeff, I can explain..." I start trying to figure out what exactlyI was going to say in the next few seconds that would make sense.

"Explain what," he snarls back. "Explain to me how I guy that I'vebeen wanting ever so much to open up to me is grinding some other guy halfnaked on a bar for all to see? Explain to me why I wasted my time comingback all the way from my parent's house to come spend Christmas with you?"

"You're mad because I'm dancing at a bar?" I ask stalling for time.

He snorts derisively throwing his head back, "Oh my god you thinkthat's why I am mad? You don't get it do you? I beg and plead for you toopen up about yourself and you refuse saying that you need your privacy andspace and then I come here to find you dancing on top of bar?"

"I know how this looks," I say starting to feel the chill of thecold air outside as well as the chill from Jeff's stare.

"How this looks? Carlos, I don't care if you are a dancer. Idon't care if you strip for money. What pisses me off is that you don'ttalk to me. You could have told me you were a dancer and I wouldn't havecared but instead of you telling me I find out like this?" I feel hisbreath hiss on my face and chest as he leans into tell me all this so thatthe other guys won't hear. "Why do you have to keep secrets from me?"

I started shaking from both the cold and the conversation. Jeffnoticed and sighed, "Look you're freezing and we really can't talk aboutthis here," he said looking around at the few guys smoking out here with uswho were also trying very poorly to not act like they were listening to us.

"You still want to talk to me," I asked?

He considered this for a moment before answering, "Yeah, but itlooks like you still need to finish what you were doing he motioned to thedollars I had been gripping tightly in my hand.

I shrugged it off, "No it's ok. We were about to wrap things up at12:30. I just need to go get my things from upstairs."

"Ok," he answered. "I'm not mad that you are a stripper, Carlos.Hell if I had your body I would do it too but I need you to be honest withme, ok?"

I nodded and realized right then that I was going to have to tellhim the truth when I came back downstairs.

"I'll be here when you're done," he said.

"Thanks," I said and then started back inside. The club hadstarted thinning out with it getting close to closing. The cold airoutside had made my muscles ache and with the quick transition inside tothe hot club air my ears began to painfully defrost. As I bounded up thestairs in my dancing boots I thought about Ian and the promise that I madeto him before our show. Fuck this was getting ... complicated.

Damn.

Where had I heard that before?

I finally made up to the top and pushed the door open when Istarted to call out Ian's name.

That's when I slip and I hit my head hard on the desk where Ian andI had stashed our bags. I grimaced and held the side of my head, "Fuck!"I roll around on the floor for a couple of seconds when I realize that I'mgetting wet by whatever it was that made me slip. It's all over my backand shoulders. I reach down with my other hand and tentatively rub myfingers through the slick mess. At first I thought it was the rum that I'dleft behind earlier but quickly realize it's too thick and sticky to berum. In the dim light of the room I open my eyes and see the dark redliquid on my fingers.

Blood.

"What the fuck," I say when all of a sudden I feel drops fall on myoutstretched legs from up above.

I feel the grime and blood start to dry on my shoulders and fingersas my eyes reluctantly follow the drops from the ceiling. Someone musthave turned off the lights around the mirrors and the only lights in theroom are from the computer monitors and solitary banker's lamp across theroom, but it's enough to let my eyes adjust to be able to see. I slowlylook up and see what looks like a body hanging by its neck slightlyswaying. It's a silhouette with the light from the lamp behind the body.

"Oh fuck," I say realizing that someone's dead body is bleeding allover me. I try to get up but slip again and fall against the chair next tothe desk before finally blacking out.