It had been some time since I left Paradise Valley. Big Joe rode back with me and Barnaby and Samuel stayed with John on his horse farm. We were scheduling my return to the Pawnee village I left years before. Everyone had a choice of where he wanted to be.

I was making the trip to my Pawnee village. Big Joe wanted to go with me. I thought Samuel was likely to want to go, but now that Barnaby had come to stay, would Sammy Boy rather stay on the horse ranch? It wasn't settled when we left for Paradise Valley. I would stop by John's ranch before taking the wagon overland to where it would remain for some time to come. I was not leaving Running Horse again. Now that I watched Samuel and Barnaby falling in love, I knew I needed to return to my one and only love.

At Paradise Valley, as was always the case, during daylight hours, Big Joe was up on the cliffs adding rocks and boulders to the monument he was building up there. It stretched two thirds of the way to the valley by the time I returned from St Louis.

While he was up top, I went out for supper. I wasn't going to take any stores of meat in our cold cave. I felt like fresh tonight, and I came back with a fat rabbit. Once I had the rabbit over the fire, Big Joe came down and we drank coffee and waited for supper.

"What tipped you off supper was on?" I asked him.

"Smelled that rabbit. No smell like it, Phillip. I was too long eating army vittles to miss the smell of fresh rabbit cooking. You use this or did you trap it. I didn't hear nothing."

Big Joe picked up the bow and ran the bow string between thumb and forefinger along the entire bow string.

"Samuel can bring down an animal with this faster than I can aim and shoot one."

"Samuel is a talented boy in that respect," I said. "He knows how to hunt."

"John said he wanted to go with you to the village. We rounded up a few horses to start his ranch with, but they've been taking care of themselves while we were building. They might stay around while we're gone. Nice pastures below the house. It's a right nice house now that we finished with the outside."

"I noticed. Quite a bit of room, and the bedroom is separate?" I asked.

"Actually two bedrooms. I built beds into the wall on one side, and John wants a big bed in the room he'll take. The boys will be comfortable in the smaller bedroom. There's a pantry for dry goods, and the well is above the house fifty or sixty feet. I've made it easier to access, and there's a sluice I built to allow the water to run down to the corner of the house. There's a cistern at the corner of the house. You can reach it from inside the pantry or from outside at the corner of the house. One trip to the well in the morning, and you've got water for the entire day without going back."

"You've been busy, Big Joe."

"Idle hands are the devil's children."

I laughed.

"Is that from the Hebrew Bible or the Christian Bible?"

"From Aunt Esther. Don't know if it's in the bible. If she said it, you can believes it."

Aunt Esther sounded like a woman worth knowing. I knew Big Joe. I was glad I did.

"That cave over by the waterfall. I used up some torches I bought while in town with John. I been as far down as a torch took me, and I came back up. Definitely gets hotter the deeper I go. I didn't want to waste more torches or pass out from the heat. The cave with the cathedral in the front, a wide shelf also goes down, down, down, from the main cave. I went down as far as a single torch would take me. No heat source. Cave remains the same temperature in the main cathedral and down as far as I walked, Phillip. This place has passages all over it. Someone lived here once. The signs of an ancient culture are all over this place. Hard to say how long ago an ancient people lived here."

"How far back do you think people lived in this valley?" I asked. "Just from what you know of the history you've read. How long ago do you think?"

Big Joe used a stick to poke at the fire for a while.

"Long time. There are signs of fire in those caves. More than one cave has carbon on the ceiling. No sign of anyone on top. Not that I've found. Could be things right under our feet. As secure as this place is, whoever was here, didn't need to go out. They were able to control what came in by watching the canyon where it empties into this valley. I suspect they raised critters easy enough for food and I doubt there were predators of any note. Buried under us is the answer you are looking for. Could have been a thousand, could have been ten thousand years ago."

Demon walked around me and then Big Joe before settling between us. The big hand was close enough to rest on Demon's fur behind his head.

"Ain't got nothing for you Big D. Rabbit ain't cooked up yet. I might save you a nibble or two."

"Let me know if you find anything interesting," I told him.

It was unusually quiet in the valley. Birds flew over so high in the sky I wasn't sure what they were. There were birds in the forests, and they came and went as they pleased.

"I been diffing around. Ain't found nothing yet. This is one interesting valley."

It was an interesting valley and it still felt like home. I never had the desire to own mother earth before, and why I wanted to own such a beautiful spot, I can't say. We'd leave Paradise Valley soon, and while I may own it, I wasn't sure I would see it again. While away for all those weeks, I had the feeling I might never get back to the valley, but we did get back, and I was in the valley alone with Big Joe. It wasn't quite the same without Samuel and John around, and now Barnaby would stay close at hand, now that John had sent for him.

The quiet unassuming kid had grown into a handsome young man. I hadn't seen such red hair in a long time. The last man with red hair I knew for a few hours once. He probably accounted for me being alive all these years later.

*****

I heard the horses in the canyon five minutes before they appeared at the top of the valley. I was standing at the back of a wagon I had ready to go with me to the Pawnee village. I had my hand on my six shooter when Samuel appeared fifty feet above the wagon.

Barnaby and John followed Sammy Boy out of the canyon.

"Should we come down, or are you ready to come up?" John asked.

"I was just hitching the horses. You didn't sound all that anxious to be leaving that horse farm of yours, John."

"Always intended to go, Phillip. Lots to do to get ready to leave so much of myself behind for a while. We won't stay, but we'll go for a while."

Once I rounded up the horses and hitched them to the wagon, we started out of the valley. Big John followed on Moses and John and the boys rode out ahead of me. Demon was on the seat beside me, but he kept an eye on the riders ahead of us.

We went up the trail in the direction of Fort Collins, but we turned east a few miles from Paradise Valley. I remembered the trail from my time exploring the area with Running Horse. We too kept our distance from the fort, but we rode everywhere we could ride within a day or two of the village.

The east bound trail was smaller and much less traveled than the heavier traveled north/south trail, but the wagon fit fine, and we were on our way. With the wagon, we'd be three days if we went all day every day from sun up until sunset. If we needed a rest, we might take four days.

The month before, we came in after being gone two months. We were well rested, and the horses were getting fat off of Paradise Valley's grass. They needed a little exercise. I left nothing behind me. This was my last move as far as I was concerned, but I still had a hankering to make sure that Dan finished with the purchases of Paradise Valley and John's horse ranch. Once that was done, I wanted him to send me some proof of ownership.

I doubted if anyone was going to show up and ask to see such a thing, but you never knew. I had become more cautious in my old age, and it would bug me until I made sure.

On the third day, I was on familiar ground. I had ridden this way a thousand times in the years since we moved the village to the valley where the river runs. I felt closer to Paw and Maw. I promised them I would live closer to them in the future. It would make the trip to the cabin in the valley where the river runs easier on me.

"You're smiling, Phillip. Something tickle your funny bone," Big Joe asked.

"Home turf. We're close to the village, Big Joe."

"I've never seen an Indian village we weren't attacking. I am anxious to know your people. It was on my mind the last time we attacked a group of Indians. I knew nothing about these people. They knew nothing about us. It was always us clashing up against them, and without knowing why or even who they were."

"You planning to take up philosophy, Big Joe."

"Nah, don't figure I is. I'm just trying to fit it all in one recognizable shape. Why do we do what we do? What's a philosopher anyway?"

I laughed.

"A man who tries to make sense of things, when things don't make any sense."

"Maybe I am after that kind of thing. I was owned by a man. I was freed by Mr. Lincoln. Nothing changed. Then, I joined the cavalry. What the Indians called us, buffalo soldiers, was a lot nicer than what the officers called us. Why didn't we kill the officers and join the Indians? We had nothing in common with white officers. They hated us."

"Damn if you ain't a philosopher," I said. "That's pretty clever thinking."

"Cavalry said, 'Don't think.' Do what we tell you. If I think, Phillip, it's an accident."

"No, Big Joe, your Auntie Esther did more than teach you to read. She taught you to think. That's a thing to be proud of. Took me a long time to realize I could think."

I took the trail that went around the village. It came out in an open space where the trappers camped when they visited. It was open enough to get out of sight of the trail that went through the village, and it was far enough from the lake that no one would know we were there. At least they wouldn't know for a while.

I remembered the way the trappers did it. They came and set up their camp. They hunted for a day or two. When they came to the village, they brought a gift of meat for their brother the Pawnee. It was a time of feasting. It was a time of renewing friendships.

*****

I didn't want to advertise our presence. I wanted to go slow. I was doing what I thought I would never be able to do. I had come home to my people, and if anyone recognized me, I wanted to be far enough away to ride off with no one thinking I was Pawnee.

From a distance, they'd think I was a white man. I wouldn't let anyone get that close to give me the once over, but I intended to be at Running Horse's lodge a lot, and for warriors who knew me, they'd put two and two together and they'd know Tall Willow had come home.

Coming back to Running Horse, that was my one fear. Someone would see us together, and they would know the village was still here after all the time I was away. It figured to be here for a long time in the future.

I wasn't a philosopher. I was Pawnee. I had no wish to cause the cavalry to ride down on the village after all this time. I was home. I felt the weight lifted off me, and I couldn't wait to take the walk to Running Horse's lodge to say howdy. We would secure our campsite first, and then, I would walk to Running Horse's lodge.

"I'm back."

The excitement flowed through me like a river sweeping me toward a future I chose. I wasn't going to rush it. I was home and I wasn't going anywhere, but I sure as hell wanted to see Running Horse, get my arms around him, and get my lips on his lips, and the rest would follow a pattern I dreamed of often. Being with Running Horse was where I belonged.

As I released the horses into the field behind our camp, John and Big Joe stood planning where to put the lodges. I'd drawn a picture of a lodge to show Big Joe. He recognized our type of dwelling, which wasn't as portable as a teepee, but the Pawnee weren't as mobile as the Ogalala and Lakota, or the Northern Cheyenne for that matter.

Previously these tribes fought over hunting grounds and turf they wanted for themselves. They were more skirmishes than wars. A few braves might die, and one side or the other would run off to live another day. Nothing was ever decided, but we knew to fight for what was ours, and the willingness to fight meant you wouldn't need to fight that often.

We never sought to wipe out the Lakota or the Ogalala. Good thing too. There were way more of them than there were of us. We agreed to dislike each other, but neither of us thought it necessary to destroy the other and take everything and anything of value.

Big Joe asked me how to shape the lodge, and I spent much of that morning getting him started. Once you got Big Joe started on something, it wasn't long until he was done. The first lodge took shape and was pretty much enclosed by noon.

I spent a few hours making a bow and some arrows. I gave them to Samuel, and I took the bow back that Running Horse made for me. That would go with me to his lodge. He would know it when he saw it. Seeing it would make him smile.

It felt familiar and I smiled when I went out to get us a meal. I didn't want to be firing our guns. That isn't how a Pawnee hunted. We had plenty of guns thanks to a French trapper, but we didn't hunt with repeating rifles. We defended the village with those.

Finally, after getting a woodchuck and a rabbit, I cleaned them and left them by the firepit I built behind where the lodges were going up. There would be two of them by nightfall, and I'd been there long enough without doing what I came to do.

I walked to the trail that led to the middle of the village. I walked that trail a thousand times with Running Horse and without him. This was the beginning of a new time when we were together forever. I didn't know how long forever was, but I intended to find out.

I saw Running Horse's lodge set off from the others as soon as it came into view. My eyes were on it, looking for any sign of the chief. There were women moving about carrying what looked like vegetables in baskets. There were no men out, and I wasn't sure they weren't off hunting, or practicing with their bows, maybe on horseback.

I stopped at the door of his lodge.

"Anyone home?" I asked, stepping into the darkness.

I let my eyes adjust. Running Horse sat on a blanket in the corner of the lodge. He was looking straight at me. I wasn't sure he saw me.

"Running Horse is not going to greet Tall Willow?"

"What took you so long to come to lodge?" Running Horse asked.

"You knew I had come?"

"A chief knows many things. I did not know this until Barking Dog came to say strangers had come to the place just outside our village. The description fit you, who have been too long gone."

"I'm waiting, Running Horse."

"Patience, I'm told is good for the soul. Much will come to he who waits."

"Yes, but patience can wear thin, when faced with the one you love who sits in dark corners and does not come to greet his lover."

"If Running Horse does not recognize his lover after he has been too long gone, you might forgive his slowness to recognize him as his once true love."

I didn't see the motion until his lips found mine.

When I felt the warmth of his touch, I knew this was where I belonged. His kisses were the kisses of a hungry man who would now feast on his lover. Being so totally consumed by his desire for me helped renew the bond that had always connected us since my earliest days in the village on the far side of the mountain.

Many miles separated us for too long. The miles were gone now. Running Horse and Tall Willow were together again for all of time. We did what we couldn't do at my father's farm. We did what we dare not do before our reunion became final, and I was home for good, and I knew my place as soon as I was in Running Horse's arms.

We made love near the fire. We made love after the fire went out. We made love on a blanket in the lodge. We made love in the buffalo robes where we made love many thousands of times. We kissed, held each other, touched each other, drove one another wild.

We drifted off to sleep, and when I woke, I looked at the most beautiful Indian I had ever seen. Running Horse was little changed from the lover I left all those years ago. I became a middle age white man while I was gone, and he hadn't changed.

We didn't speak. Oh, there were mutterings of love, devotion, and homeliness. It was more prayer than speech. If we were sleeping, we hope we would never awake from the most perfect of dreams of our lover. If we were awake, we prayed we didn't miss one second of the holding, being held, and of seeing each other in a way we hadn't for too long to mention or consider. Running Horse and Tall Willow were together again.

We had to give up our hold on each other as the light began to leave the sky. We went out into the fresh air to walk, hold hands, and renew all we knew as we walked to the lake, around it, and back to the lodge to talk and eat from the food and drink left for us while we walked together.

"How long this time, Tall Willow?" Running Horse asked with a strain in the words.

I watched him speak. I watched him eat. I watched him while he looked at me.

"Until the rivers no longer flow, until the sun no longer shines, Tall Willow will stand with Running Horse."

"You have been too long gone. I need to consider if the sun shines tomorrow or not. You have stayed away longer than is wise, if the love a man leaves is to be waiting for him once he decides to return. Perhaps his lover loves another after so many years."

"Do you love another, Running Horse?" I asked him, all the time knowing the answer.

"No. I have but one love. He has been gone too long, and I won't be so quick as to let him back in my heart without a little teasing for the long absence."

"You sent me away. I wouldn't have gone if you hadn't sent me after Lit'l Fox. You told me you knew Lit'l Fox would die and I would avenge him."

"If a chief avenges his best friend, the warriors must follow him into battle. You went alone. You avenged Lit'l Fox. Running Horse lost his best friend, and his lover. I knew but could not stop what was written on the wind. It's why I waited all this time. I did not wear your absence well, Tall Willow. I sent you away. I have waited for your return."

"Your English has gotten remarkably good," I said, listening to words I understood, when I would have difficulty remembering my Pawnee.

"Your English has improved as much as my own," he reminded me. "I told you of Herb Woman's and Angeleno's influence upon me. The are wise women. They taught me much that reminds me of Medicine Woman."

"It's hard not to live the life you find yourself living. I found myself becoming a white man again. I fought to hold on to the part of me that is Pawnee. It was part of me I didn't lose sight of, no matter the miles between us, Running Horse. Tall Willow is Pawnee. I've always been Pawnee."

"What has Tall Willow learned that he can share with Running Horse? Can you tell him about thieves? Can you tell him why white men do not see us? Can you tell me why the white man does not hear us? Can you tell Running Horse how to defeat the white man?"

"I learned nothing I didn't already know or suspect. Some things do not change as much as we would like them to change. The white men keep coming. Our days are numbered. I will spend them with you, and the day we will die, we will do it together, as Pawnee warriors."

"And this is what you came to tell your chief?"

"My chief does not need me to tell him how it will end. You know as well as I do."

"Yes. I know. I wanted to see if you knew. "How long?"

"Not long, Running Horse. Not long I fear, but we can get a lot of loving into the time we have," I told him. "When our time comes, we'll go swiftly to the Happy Hunting Ground. We will go hand in hand. There we will live in peace and in harmony with all living things."

"I lived a long time without you, before Lit'l Fox brings you here. I knew you when I saw you. I saw that you could share my buffalo robe. It has been too long. I believe that this is the way it should be. I would ask you to tell Running Horse one thing he does not understand."

"Whatever I know, you shall know it," I said.

"How does a white man think, Tall Willow. You are white."

"I am Pawnee. I did not expect a question I couldn't answer the first day. I've never understood the mind of white men. I have worked with them, lived with them, and some I liked. How it is they see the world in the way they do remains as much a mystery to me as it does to you, Running Horse. I can not think like a white man. I am Pawnee."

"I hoped you learned that. No, you can't think like a white man after being Pawnee."

The Pawnee and white men did not think in the same way. We did not see the same world when we looked at it. How did a white men think?

"White men don't think. They do. They think of a thing, and they do it without conscience. No matter how insane. Once they see a thing they want to do, they do it. Heaven help you if you are in the way."

"Heaven can't help us. We are fewer each day. One day someone will ask for us, but we will already be gone. We will follow the buffalo into extinction. Once we were many, as the stars are to the sky, and then the white men started coming."

"They keep coming," I said. "No stopping them now. The plan is, and always has been, removal."

"And so we shall parish under the bootheel of white men who keep coming?" Running Horse told me.

"Afraid so."

"And we shall parish. I cannot live without breathing fresh free air. I want to go to the mountain and look out at the world. I don't want to see a world filled with white men. They are like the blades of grass. They are like the locust. They consume everything. They will knock down mountains to build their cities. They'll spoil our water to get to the yellow metal that drives them crazy."

I wondered if Running Horse could see through my eyes. See my thoughts. I knew he saw much, but he couldn't possibly know how white people were constantly building monuments to themselves. They picked a spot, fenced it in to fence others out. They divide land as we divide the bounty this land provides to share with our brothers.

"The beauty of rolling hills, endless plains, or of the stampeding buffalo lost forever as broken fences speak of fallow fields standing behind them that are the true monuments left behind by men who died long ago. You divide Mother Earth and she dies of a broken heart. This I know. This the white men will find out," Running Horse revealed to me.

"You cannot own Mother Earth or everything the Great Spirit put here to give us joy. When will the white man see his monuments are nothing but dust to the wind. Even the Pawnee will one day disappear, and who will say we were once here? Who will be left to hear us."

"These things will change. Progress is fleeting. You can progress only so far before you fall back to the ground. That's all we have. A place to stand. We come and we go, and we make a stand where we are at the time. All things change, Running Horse. Sometimes we need to wait to see how we might undo a little progress to celebrate Mother Earth. Not for what she provides for us, but for the sake of Mother Earth remaining safe and healthy, because when she fails in that, all men are doomed. There was a time before man appeared. There will come a time when man is gone," I said.

"A man or all men?"

"We need to wait and see," I said.

When the last man dies, will he know he is the last man?

Who will be left to hear the lark sing, or see the gracefulness of the butterfly?

No one will be here to watch the sunrise or set.

Who will hunt the deer, the rabbit, so they can feed the world?

"Chief knows much. I thought you would come soon, and Barking Dog saw strangers in the place where trappers made camp." Then, I knew. Why make Running Horse wait?"

"I made sure everything was taken care of before I left. Don't want any interruptions, but if you're too busy …"

I was speaking directly to him. I didn't see him move.

He was suddenly sweeping me off my feet.

There had been too many years while I was not in Running Horse's lodge. My blood was boiling for him and the feel of him was magnificent. When he was in my arms, all was right with my world.

No one came in search of me. Good thing too. They'd have gone away red faced.

We made love the year before, but we both knew we would need to part again. We renewed our forever love, but we said, "Goodbye."

Saying hello was almost worth the time it took to get back home. When I left, I was sure I could never return home. Times changed, and so did I, and I had come home at last.

Nothing would keep us a part for much longer, but a chance meeting with a man holding a grudge nearly ended me, and we both knew how fragile life was. I learned much while I was gone. I learned that I could only be where I was. To be there meant to live the life I had, but the life I had was changing. When I left Running Horse, after Lit'l Fox died, I didn't think I could ever be Pawnee again. As much as I loved it, I couldn't be it.

Look at me now.

The picture of me was a drawing. I had long blond hair, and a youthful face.

I kept my dark hair short. My blond hair turned brown, and my face aged and got rounder. It would take an astute observer to see Tall Willow in Phillip Dubois.

I stopped in St Louis to get a store bought haircut, and after the barber finished, he twirled the chair and I was looking at a stranger in a huge mirror.

Who was that white man? Who was looking back at me. I had no idea who this thirty something man got in that mirror, but I did not recognize him. It's when I first had the thought, 'This man can go home. This man couldn't be Pawnee.

I had come home.

Even in love making, I felt the weakness within me. It wasn't the full blown hard driving Tall Willow who came home, but I was every bit as in love with Running Horse as I had ever been. That didn't change. My heart was his. My love was his to share. We were more like the young boys who had fallen in love all those years ago.

He was still the most beautiful Indian I had ever seen.

I only had one love, and that love was for Running Horse. I loved John because he was genuine and he had been a good friend. I loved Samuel. He was the son we would never have, but as love went, there would never be another love like Running Horse.

This I knew.

I made love to Running Horse. We belonged together, and we were together again.

In spite of the vagaries life presents us, we did what we promised each other we would do in a little more than the year it took me to get to the Pawnee village and reunite with Running Horse, after he rode away from the cabin in the valley where the river runs.

I was back now. I can't say it was like I never left. I did leave and Running Horse stayed to lead the village Lone Wolf left for him. It was a case of duty over his personal life. I only knew I would need to leave him for a few hours, after Lit'l Fox died.

My brother brought me to the Pawnee village where I found a home. The day my brother died, I left my home forever, or until I was gone long enough to think it was long enough, and I couldn't stay away from Running Horse any longer.

I suppose if I hadn't been shot, hadn't been healing at Paw's, I wouldn't have seen Running Horse, and the reunion couldn't be written into our hearts. That reunion is when I knew, it was time to go home for good.

I had come home.

We made love into the night and into the morning. Our sleep came in waves. Once we wore each other out, we slipped away into a pleasant sleep, only to wake in a rush of lust and desire. No one could quell that desire but Running Horse, and we used each other up as completely as it was possible to do, and then, we did it again.

This time there would be no goodbye. This time we wouldn't part. We were together again, and we walked hand and hand at the lake. We held each other when we stopped. Putting our faces together, I felt his face on mine, and it was all I could do to keep standing.

I backed away to look at my love, pulling him close again. We laughed, we cried, we did what lovers do. It was a renewal of love. It was everlasting love.

Running Horse and Tall Willow would love each other forever.

The cavalry had a great love too. It was the slaughter of Indians that made them hard, and kept that way as long as the blood flowed. White men loved the death of others in their quest for power and control. Their destiny was to rule over any and all lands.

In the end, Running Horse and Tall Willow would die side by side in a hail of bullets. All Indians knew the ending. Some would go peacefully on to the reservations, but they'd only starve there. They would have no freedom to be Indians. Little food and less warmth would accompany them to an early grave.

The Indian culture was to be dashed against the rocks of time.

Running Horse's band would never go on to the reservation. There was only one ending acceptable to a Pawnee warrior. We would die fighting, and once the warriors were all dead, the woman and children would take up our repeating rifles and the reservation they had for us would always be empty.

We had always lived free and we would live free until we were all dead.

As we knew this was so, the white fathers knew as far back as Jefferson, when he wrote the words to William Henry Harrison, the white governor of Indiana"

"Mr. President, what do I do about the Indian problem."

Jefferson to Harrison, "The policy is, and always has been, removal."

Both of us knew the ending. After Custer, that was what came of our greatest victory.

I knew I would send Big Joe, John, Samuel and Barnaby away, before the last battle was fought. This was an Indian war, and they weren't part of it. The stories had gotten to us through men like Big Joe, and others who rode western trails.

Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse took their people in. They were starving and freezing on reservations the cavalry guarded to make sure the savages stayed put. Crazy Horse died with a bayonet in his back, and Sitting Bull's own people turned on him. The great chiefs had promised victory, and now their people froze and starved. It was not a happy time.

Big Joe proved to be of value in his cavalry shirt and pants with the telltale insignia and stripes removed. When we went into town for coffee and sugar, Big Joe left us while we were buying the goods and loading the wagon. If he saw anyone in uniform, he went right to them to get the latest news. When he returned, he was always gloomy while telling us what was being done to rid the west of savages.

My arrival in Running Horse's village furnished some luxuries they wouldn't have gotten otherwise, because I could still go to buy goods in the white man's general stores. I never went in one that I didn't see Proud Eagle facing the angry mean white men in Lawrence's Store. As long as I lived, those memories would stick with me.

My rides to town were irregular affairs that told us of the dangers facing all Indians. We could not get a read of the time and hour of our death, but we saw it coming our way, sooner than later. Our time was running out.

We made love like there was no tomorrow, not knowing which day would be our last. So we made the most of each one. Even going to town to get the news was difficult for me to do. Should the end come, and I be in town, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. My place was still at Running Horse's right hand, and even the villagers knew I belonged there.

There was actually much joy in the village. We did what we did in spite of our prospects. The news wasn't all bad. We lived good lives as free Pawnee. We hunted, feasted, and celebrated the sun, the moon, and the stars. We celebrated our lives.

I once more dressed the part of Tall Willow. I wore buckskin and I once again wore the feathers in my hair Chief Lone Wolf gave me all those years ago. I left them with Running Horse. I had relaxed concerning my identity. There were no Tall Elks in Running Horse's village. My identity was known to all who saw me with Running Horse.

The Hawkin remained in the corner of the lodge. It was what took me on the great adventure that led to me becoming Pawnee. I never fired it after Lit'l Fox found me. That was the year I turned fourteen.

Next to the Hawkin, the two repeating rifles we would grab when the time to fight arrived. The trappers made sure we got proper weapons and plenty of bullets.

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"Riggs & War"

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"Long Riders"

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