We discussed Chet's life in Hollywood several times. Each time, a little more of his journey came to light. At times he repeated something he'd already told me, but with a different slant that moved the story on to new ground. There was no way I could have survived what Chet went through.

"Tevo had introduced himself, sitting one table over from mine. I don't know how he kept being so lucky, but money talks to a lot of people, and big money can get you anything you like. I had no idea Tevo had money, but he was often sitting across from me. He watched people who came and went from my table. How he knew they were drug dealers, I can't say, but T came from a long line of drug dealers, which is how he ended up hooked. He was smart enough not to put all his fortune up his nose, and that's how he started his first restaurant."

"He knew you were stoned. What did he do about it?" I asked.

"He knew I was stoned. He knew the dealers I talked to. He didn't know how to stop it. He wanted to take me to Mama Rosa's but he knew that wasn't a trip I was ready to make. So, he talked his way into my apartment at closing time one day, and that's how T came into my life. He told me he was attracted to me. He'd never been attracted to a man. His wife and daughters were in Jamaica, waiting for him to get set up for them in this country. They had no idea he'd become lost in Hollywood after giving up the idea of a restaurant there."

"When I invited him in, I offered him a few lines of cocaine. It's what any proper host in Hollywood would do. He said, "No, I've had enough cocaine." I was amused that there could be enough. I never could get enough. I kissed him. He kissed me back. It was obvious that he knew how to kiss, but kissing a man was far different than kissing his wife. It bothered him that he liked it. It bother me that he didn't rip my clothes off and make love to me. We were coming at a relationship from different directions. T wasn't getting involved with a drug addict. He didn't intend to get involved with me, but he wanted to help me, because he saw himself in me."

"T didn't know what to do with me, but he was giving it some thought. He wasn't ready to leave me," Chet said. "I was a mess."

"Juliet needed to guide me on to the dance floor. We had a ringside table, and I couldn't have found my ass with both hands, but once she got me on the dance floor, I flew as quick as the spotlight hit us. Juliet was star. I was the boy who danced with her. She was protective of me. She didn't like me doing drugs. I was protective of Dorothy and Ahmed. Claude was in the dark. When he thought Juliet was with me, she wasn't. We never slept together. There were times I let them use my apartment and I went out looking for a party."

"Ahmed was Arab?"

"She had a word for it. Levity, Levantine. It means from the Middle East. Ahmed was okay, Claude hated him. One night, Juliet was off visiting tables, and I was doing lines of cocaine when someone offered it to me. Juliet did not approve of me bringing cocaine to the table where we sat, waiting to go on.

Tevo sat facing me at the next table. He said, "You are the most beautiful white man I've ever seen." Well thank you, I told him."

This was after he'd kissed you?" I asked.

"Yes, maybe a week after that. What he said next I didn't thank him for. "I hate to think what you'll look like in a couple more years. I've seen good looking guys turn old over night while using cocaine. One day they had their looks, the next day they were drawn and old and unrecognizable." I didn't know I heard him right. He was pleasant every time I saw him, up until that pointed comment."

"He was seeing where he'd been. He liked you and was being honest."

"That didn't make it less shocking. I figured he didn't mean me any harm. He kept sitting at the table next to mine. He kept his eyes on me. He had a sympathetic look on his face. Like a man who had to do something, but he didn't know what to do, or he didn't know how to go about doing it," Chet told me.

"For another few nights T bought his way to the table next to where Juliet and I always sat. He was always there. People were sitting down with cocaine and they were ready to do lines with me. I didn't know who half of them were, but the cocaine got my attention. I was a party animal. I partied and Juliet made sure I made it out on to the dance floor, and we flew. Claude had an idea to sell carnations to the ringside folks. Once we danced, and were taking our bows, people threw carnations at us. The dance floor was covered with carnations when we ran off, once we finished for the night."

"It doesn't sound like it would be all that much fun. I mean, being a headliner is pretty nice, but drugs can't be good. Being admired like that, just to be near a guy who dances. I couldn't do that. I don't even drink. I would never do drugs," I told him, being rather conservative in my thoughts about it."

"What happened?"

"One night, I guess T watched me doing drugs with everyone who sat down at our table. He'd decided that he was going to make an effort to save my life. It would be up to me, and if I wanted to kill myself, he'd walk away."

"Did he love you?"

"I think he did, but he went down a long dark road with me. Any love was tarnished up quite a bit before I reached the other side."

"What did he do?"

"He sat down at my table. We'd already done the do in my apartment, but only once, and he took my hand. That got my attention because he'd never touched me in public. He said, 'I want to take you to see something. Will go with me after you and Juliet finish tonight?"

He paused and looked like he wasn't all there. I could see his mind working.

"I sat down at our table. Juliet was off visiting customers. T smiled at me. He looked a bit more certain about what he was doing. I liked him. He was hot and he was charming. It was different than how most folks treated me. He made me feel human. I didn't feel like I was much more than an object people had to be near for whatever reason. I was stoned. I was always stoned by that time.

One night, once I got back to the table, T got up and sat down at my table.

"I'd like to show you something, if you'll go with me." T took me out the front door. Now, I'm wearing a sequined shirt, a pair of skin tight black slacks, and now we're on the streets of Hollywood. I look like I escaped from the carnival. I didn't mind being see with T, but I felt strange walking around in that costume. We didn't go that far and we turned down a darker side street and walked a half block before T stopped at a spot on the dirty sidewalk where he looked down," Chet said.

"It's just a spot on the sidewalk. There are dead flowers and trash, T stopped and moved some of the dead flowers around with the toe of his shoe. There were two or three fresh flowers but the rest were quite dead. Who leaves flowers on the sidewalk beside some night club?

"You see this spot," he asked me. Sure I saw it. I didn't know what it had to do with me. "River Phoenix died right on this slab of sidewalk. Right here," he said, using his toe to make sure I saw it. It hit me as strange that some guy I didn't know wanted to bring me the place where a movie star died. "The real-estate people showing me Hollywood, brought me here to show me where the next generation of Hollywood royalty breathed his last. Right here," he pointed with his toe. "I didn't know why until they took me to Over the Rainbow, and I saw you, and then, I realized why I needed to know where River breathed his last. His brother and friends were helpless,"" he said.

"I was confused. What did this have to do with me? Why would anyone bring me to a place like this? Then, he turned on me.

"Romeo, this is where you are heading. I've watched you. I've been with you, and you are going to end up right here. Oh, maybe not on this spot, but on a spot like this one. You're going to be struggling fighting to breathe, struggling to live, but you won't live. You'll die just like River Phoenix died,,"" Chet said, seeing the scene in his head.

"Oh, my god, he took you to where River Phoenix died? How awful."

"He grabbed the collar of my shirt and brought me up close to his face to say, "If this is where you want to go, I'll make it easy for you to get here. I'll buy you all the drugs you want, Romeo, and let's go get the drugs tonight. Let's get it over with, and I can leave this place tonight, after you're dead," he said, letting go of my collar. I feel on to my knees. I was on my hands and knees on the section of sidewalk where River Phoenix died. I felt sick. I crawled to the curb and I threw up," I was suddenly afraid. I don't think I was afraid of T, I was afraid of what he'd just showed me. I understood then. I knew why he brought me there."

Once again Chet stayed silent for a few minutes, sorting through those events.

"He had a counter offer to go with the one about letting me overdose on drugs right where River Phoenix overdosed on drugs. He took out a handkerchief to wiped my face. "I'll do for you what his brother couldn't do for River," T said. " What's that?" I asked.

"Save your life," he said," Chet said.

He went silent again.

"Mama Rosa," I said.

"Mama Rosa," Chet said. "By that time, I wanted out. "You don't need to die. You can live. I'll take you to a place where you can stop killing yourself, but this is a one time offer good for five minutes. Tell me you want to get clean. I'll take you to a place where I got clean. It won't be easy, but once you're done, you won't want to do cocaine ever again. It's hard to kick. No one wants to go through it twice. Say the word, I'll take you tonight,"" Chet told me.

"I'll go, I said. "I want to get clean. I don't want to die.""

"You knew you were killing yourself and you kept on doing it?"

"No. I didn't know. That was the problem. T woke me up. I was never really Romeo. I was high on being liked, applauded, and cocaine came with it. I was too weak to say no. Of course, I got hooked on cocaine. It made me feel good, but it was killing me and I didn't want to die."

"I'm kind of glad you didn't die. I'm rather fond of you. What happened?"

"I went with him, My career ended once I agreed to go with him. I signed a personal services contract with Claude. Claude owned me. By disappearing, which is what I did, I was in breach of that contract. I left Juliet without her Romeo. I figured there would be another Romeo soon. I'd never work in Hollywood again."

"Because of the contract you had with Claude?"

"It wasn't something Claude would forget. You've got to remember, he wanted me to marry Juliet so he could cut Ahmed out of Dorothy's life. He'd see my walking a way as a double hit to his ego. I knew T was telling me the truth, and I did decide I wanted to live rather than be high all the time." That was when I told him where I was from. He told me, "Isn't that a coincidence. That's where I'm opening the next Tevo's, and once you dry out, you'll work for me as a waiter." I told him, "I've never been a waiter." He said, "You'll be a good one."

"Did you know he was opening the restaurant in El Cajon to be able to help you get back on your feet?" I asked.

"I was stoned, not brain dead. I knew, and it told me he really cared about me, and I was going to get clean because he did. No one had cared that much. Maybe Skippy did. He was long gone, and I'd make with help from T."

"And here you are," I said.

"No, not that easy. It was the longest road I ever went down. I was a drug addict. I was a drunk. I was a wasted. I didn't know if I was coming or going. T knew where to take me to bring me back from the abyss."

"Where'd he take you?"

"Mama Rosa's. It was a half hour drive. It was a house on a nice street, with nice houses in a nice neighborhood. There was a light on just above the door on he front porch. T parked his rental car and came around to help me get out of the car. He walked me up to the front door and he turned the door handle and went in. A middle aged Mexican woman was sitting in the living room knitting and rocking in a rocking chair. 'That you Tevo," she asked, not looking up. 'It's me,' he said, and she stopped rocking and looked up from her knitting. 'This is him?' This is him.' She stood and walked over to us. I was pretty high but I could see her. She was an ordinary looking woman. She was obviously a Latin, and her accent was a bit like T's, but I didn't really follow what they were saying. Tevo took me upstairs to a bedroom. He stripped me out of my clothes, and I was still in my costume, and he helped me to get into a pair of pajamas. He put me in bed. I argued. I wasn't sleepy. I never slept at night. I partied at night. He stood in front of the door and turned off the light. 'Go to sleep. You aren't going anywhere. He stood in front of that door. I accepted he wasn't moving and so I fell asleep. When I woke up a day or so later, and I have no idea when it was, Mama Rosa was sitting in her rocking chair next to my bed. She was knitting. She was always knitting. I wasn't impressed, and I got up. "Where are my clothes?" I wanted to know. I was getting out of there. "T took your clothes with him," she said, rocking and knitting, knitting and rocking. "I'm leaving. You can't keep me here.""

"No," she said, "I can't. Miguel," she yelled, and a guy as big as all outdoors came through the door a minute later. "He can," Mama Rosa said. "Miguel, help our young guest back in bed." I bounced off the wall, once Miguel got me to the bed. "You be a nice boy now. Miguel wouldn't like to hurt you.""

"Did they keep you there?" I asked.

"No, she couldn't but he could. I really hadn't gone into withdrawal yet, and she had another son, Julio. He wasn't quite as big as Miguel, but big enough that I wasn't going to argue with him. I began to accept that I was there for the duration. How ever long it took. Once I accepted that, I stayed put. I wanted to get clean and since I was already there, it seemed like a good time to do it. Mama was nice. She knew what was coming. I didn't. Miguel and Julio became my friends. Mama Rosa was an angel of mercy. She had mercy on me," Chet said.

"She came with bodyguards?" I asked.

"She did but they were good people. They took care of their mama. She had a third son that was about my size, but he wasn't living with her. I accept that I wasn't anywhere. Tevo signed me up for the whole program. I wasn't leaving until until Mama Rosa said the magic words, "I've taken you as far as I can. It's up to you now.""

"Did she say that?"

"She did, but it took some time for her to say it. "How long will it take," i asked her one day. "That's not up to me. When you're ready, that's how long.""

"It was up to you?"

"It was up to my body to respond to not having drugs."

"Did you want them?"

"I did. I still do. I always will. The difference is, I don't take drugs or drink. Some can go back for a taste now and then, but I can't. One hit of cocaine I'd be back on my knees in no time. I stay away from things that can make me high."

"You had to have courage to go through that," I said.

"T was right. I wanted to live. I may not have known it, but I found out."

"Like I said, I'm glad you did. What came next.

"That day, when I met her boys, she told me, "You haven't even started getting sick yet." Getting sick. I felt fine, except I didn't feel high, and I wanted to correct that condition as quick as I could. That's where it started. It's a little like having an itch you can't quite scratch. Sick, I didn't know what sick was until a day later, and I hoped I'd die. I prayed for death to take me. Sick. Was I ever sick. I'd never been that sick before, and I got sicker on the third day. It was the worst experience of my life, and every time I got enough clarity in my brain to want to get out of there to go find some good drugs, her sons talked me out of that idea. Both Julio and Miguel stayed with me those days. I was delirious. If I got out of there, I'd just have fallen down and died somewhere. I didn't know which was was up, so I couldn't get up. I wouldn't going to ask for a second go round."

"Did you think you might die?" I asked, concerned for my lover.

"I prayed for death. Mama would stand beside the bed wiping my face with a cool cloth. She told me it was going to be okay. Only a little longer and the worst would be over. I was almost there, but I didn't know where I was. One morning I opened my eyes, there was Mama Rosa, knitting and rocking, rocking and knitting. She had been there for a few days, while I was really bad off, but she'd be there from now on," he said.

"I'd wake up and there was Mama Rosa, knitting and rocking, rocking and knitting. I took to watching her when I couldn't move or talk. I don't know whether I forgot how or I just couldn't talk. I woke up and went back to sleep. I'd wake up a little later, and I'd fall back to sleep. Mama was always there. I don't know for how long. It might have been a couple of days. It could have been a couple of weeks. Time had lost all meaning. I was still alive, what was left of me."

"One day, as my eyes fluttered open, I heard her speak, "How do you feel today," I looked at the window. It was day. I looked back at her. I wasn't sure she was talking to me or maybe I imagined she was talking to me. I didn't answer her. I went back to sleep. The next time I woke up, she fed me some broth. She held up my head, spooning in a clear liquid. Not much. Not a bowl. It was warm and it tasted nice. I didn't know when I last ate. I wasn't hungry but the broth was kind of nice, until it hit my stomach, and all hell broke loose. Mama, still holding my head up, had a bucket she let me throw up in. She knew what would happen when she gave me that broth, but she gave it to me anyway. The sickness passed. I fell asleep. Once again I watched her knitting and rocking, rocking and knitting," Chet told me.

"Once she got a little broth in me, and I didn't toss my cookies as soon as it hit my stomach, she brought me some tea. I drank a little and it stayed down. I still wasn't hungry but the broth came back up with Mama along with tea. I spooned the broth myself, while sitting up in bed. I held the tea cup and drank. It made me feel better, although I wasn't hungry for food. I imagine it had been a while since I started to do something besides sleep," Chet said. "Mama asked, "How are you feeling today, Romeo?"

"I feel okay," I told her.

"Good. The worst is over. We need to get a little solid food in you, and Miguel and Julio will take you out for a walk tomorrow, I think. Would you like some fresh air?" I hadn't thought about it but, "Yes. I'd like to get up."

"Where was T?"

"Getting his restaurant going in El Cajon. He came by every few days. He brought me ice cream. Strawberry ice cream, and we'd sit together and eat it. I was eating Mama's cooking. Oh, my god, was that the best food I ever had. T would eat at the table with Miguel, Julio, and me. Mama rarely sat down as her men ate. She was always fixing more tortillas and such. It was fabulous food."

"How long had you been there?"

"I don't know. I don't know when T took me there, and I sure didn't know what day it was while I was there. Time seemed not to have meaning. No one said what time or what day it was, and I never asked. I figure I was there at least two months, before my strength was coming back. I went out to work with Miguel and Julio. We picked up stuff at one place, delivering it to another. We drove all over that section of town. It was mostly regular houses with a lot of people sitting out on the porches, and everyone knew everyone else. I'd go for a walk and someone would say, "Hello, Romeo, how do you feel today?" I'd say, "Oh, I feel fine. How do you feel?" They'd laugh. I didn't think I was that funny, but they laughed. I was coming back to life and one day, as we sat in Mama's kitchen, T came for me. That's when she said those words to me. "I've done all I can for you. It's up to you now, Romeo." I said, "It's Chet. Romeo doesn't exist any longer. My name is Chet." T said, "That's the first time I heard your name. I thought you were Romeo.""

"I cried when I said goodbye to Mama. I haven't seen her since. I've hardly left El Cajon since T brought me home to this apartment. He told me about his new restaurant and he told me I'd start to work for him in a week, depending on how I felt. When I was ready, I'd work four nights a week."

"Why four nights a week?"

"It's when Tevo's is open, Friday night through Monday night. Close Tuesday and Wednesdays, and on Thursdays he rents the restaurant to clubs and organizations who provide their own menu and booze, but with T's cook and they bring in caterers to do everything else. Tevo covers all the angles. Only the best food, and he goes to pick out the food he wants delivered. It's how he did it in Jamaica, and it works there. Tevo does not go second class," Chet said.

"And I am going to meet him one day?"

"You are. The remodeling is done. I'll go back to work Friday night, and T could bring food by at any time."

"You absolutely wear me out. I can't believe you went through all of that."

"Oh, that was the best part of my life," he said seriously.

When I looked at him in amazement, he began to laugh.

"No, that was as bad as it gets. I am lucky I survived it, and I never, not ever, do I want to go through that again."

"You are clean," I said with a smile.

"As a hounds tooth," he said.

We both laughed.

I kissed him. He kissed me. I had never heard a story as complicated as the story of Chet's life. I couldn't imagine it, and if it hadn't been for the kissing, I'd have been worn out, but something about Chet kissing me gave me big ideas, because that's what I had to have to manage what Chet had. The kissing and touching lead to one thing or another, and in an hour or two we were plum worn out. I doubted we'd go another round that night, because I had to be at work by eight in the morning, and we'd want to get at least one quickie in before we parted for most of the day ahead.