"... At lunch today, some other kids were playing footballand the ball they were using bounced over to where we were sitting.I threw it back to them and apparently theythought I was good and Coach Thomas offered me the quarterback spot on theteam," I said, trying to act like things of this nature happened every day.

"No shit?" Iturned to see Mr. Kinney standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his tie offand the top of his shirt unbuttoned."Sounds like you're fitting in just fine here, Brandon."

I returned the smile he gave me.Mrs. Kinney walked over and gave me a big hug before returning towhat she was doing at the stove. Ihelped to set the table for dinner, all of the fears I had felt earlier in theday washed away by the happiness that radiated from everyone in the room...

After we finished eating dinner, I excused myself from thetable and headed to my room. For somereason, I felt the need to be alone for a while.Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it and graduallyslid down till I was sitting on the floor, my knees tight against mychest. After spending over 16 yearsbeing continually forced to hide my emotions, even from those who had broughtme into the world, the past few days had been overwhelming.Throughout my life, I had felt as if I werejust floating along, not really connected to anything, or anyone, around me.It was a miserable way to live.But now there were hands everywhere, pullingme close to people that had known me only the briefest of moments in the spanof life. Obviously, I was enjoyingit. There isn't a human on the face ofthe earth, and probably not any animals either, that doesn't feel a need to...tobelong, to be loved, to fit in. I hadfelt this yearning all my life and because of the situation I had lived in, ithad only grown stronger until the breaking point a little over a week ago.

I had known full well that my family would have anegative reaction to the news that I had given them, and yet I had still doneit. Looking back, I thought I knewwhy: this need to belong, to be loved,to be...honest to myself had led me to say those words.But they weren't true.They can't be. This must havebeen it for him, unable to bear to have me as his son any longer.Unable even to let me live."My son, the fag" he must have thought.But it isn't true, I swear.I was wrong!

I don't know how long I sat there, crying softly.A half hour, an hour...more?I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirtand started to get up when it hit me.Where it came from, I can only guess.Probably somewhere deep in my heart, unlocked finally with the help ofthe Kinneys, especially Meric. Itwasn't a lie. It was the truth; it was...me.

I was gay.

This revelation flooded through me, leaving in its wake awhole new mix of emotions.Delight...fear. Delight that mytrue self was finally known to me, not having to hide behind anything anylonger. Fear of what that meant.I wasn't stupid, I knew the world we livedin. It wasn't easy to be gay,especially in high school. But, Isomehow knew that I could get through it, that I would get through it, becausenow, after so long, I was free.

Justin's face appeared in my mind, unbidden. I studied it, marveled at it.He really was absolutely beautiful.Not just physically, but deeper than that.He tried to hide it with anger, but thosebrooding eyes and constant frown on his face could not stand up to the light oftruth. I saw a new Justin then, one whosmiled, who laughed...with me at his side.I wanted desperately to meet this Justin, to do battle with the monsterkeeping him captive and to rescue him.I saw in him what it had taken me so long to understand.He had enclosed himself just as I had,lashing out at anyone that came near him, desperate to maintain his separationfrom everyone else. As Meric and hisparents had been the loving arms to draw me out, I would be the one to bringthe real Justin to the surface.

I stood up fully this time, the tears rimming my eyes nowones of happiness. Realizing that itwas pretty late, I crawled into my bed and fell asleep promptly, a smile etchedon my face.

The next morning, I woke to a banging on the door to myroom. Still bleary eyed, I glanced atthe clock to see that it was a little after 6:00, over an hour before I neededto wake up. I groaned and willed theenergy necessary to get up into my legs.I am most definitely not a morning person.After stumbling to the door, I reached for the handle and aftermissing it once, managed to open it. Meric stood on the other side wearing at-shirt, a pair of sweatpants and running shoes.

"Morning!" he said, much too cheerily."I'm going out to run and I just wanted toknow if you would like to come. I wouldhave asked you last night, but you went to bed so early."My mind was still only running in first gearand I stared blankly at him for a good five seconds before I was able to speak.

"R-run...? Are youinsane? It's 6:00 in the morning.What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nah, it's good for you.Gets the heart going early and builds up your endurance."

"I know what running is for but isn't there a better time ofday to do it? I mean, the Sun isn'teven up yet."

"That's the best time, man.Not too hot outside, yet. Andbesides, you're going to need to get in shape for football.Don't want the new quarterback to pass outat practice," he said, poking me in the stomach as he finished.I made as if I was going to throw up all overhim and he quickly jumped back out of the way, a look of mock disgust on hisface.

"All right, all right...I'll come.Give me a few minutes." Ifigured he was probably right. It hadbeen a while since I did anything to work on my stamina and I would very likelyneed it. I closed the door and walkedover to the closet to get some clothes out that would be good to run in.After changing, I headed out into thehallway to find Meric. He was sittingon the bottom step, watching Striker excitedly chasing his tail.

"Ready to go?" he asked, looking up at me as I walked in.

"Sure am. Just hopeI don't pass out running with you."

"If you do, I'll be sure to get some help after school foryou or something."

"A-after school? Youwouldn't leave me lying there all day, would you?"I wasn't quite sure if he was joking or not.Meric had this ability to look completelyserious whenever he wanted, even if he was joking.It made it him very hard to figure out.

"Well, I wouldn't want to be late for school," he said,walking past me and out the front door.I headed out, joining him on the front stoop.

"I have a couple different routes I run during theweek. We'll do the easiest one today,since you're just starting out." Wespent the next 10 minutes stretching in the driveway before heading out ontothe street.

I'd hate to see what he considered a difficult run!By the time we were finished, I felt like Iwas going to die, my chest heaving in and out trying to provide enough oxygenfor my aching muscles. I could onlyhope that football practice was not going to be difficult this afternoon.I probably wouldn't survive if it were.As we reached the driveway, I looked over atMeric. He was lightly breathing, thesmallest amount of sweat glistening on his forehead.He looked over at me and smiled.I fell over.

"Brandon? Brandon,are you all right?" He seemed prettyconcerned and was bent over looking at me.He reached down to poke me on the arm, probably to see if I was stillalive. I grabbed him right above theelbow and tried to pull him down next to me on the ground.Laughing, he shrugged me off easily, but laydown next to me anyways. I looked offto the east, watching the first few rays of the morning Sun creeping over thehorizon. The fledgling dawn seemed anappropriate time for the conversation that was taking shape in my mind.I had only known Meric Kinney for less thana week, but already I felt that I could trust him more than anyone I knew, orhad known. Even with this assurance, myonly previous experience with this had ended with a weeklong hospitalstay. I was nervous.

"Meric...there's something I need to tell you."I could feel my heart beating faster eventhan it had been during our run. Iheard movement from beside me, and knew that Meric had rolled onto his side togive me his full attention. I wasn'table to meet his gaze. Instead, Istared straight up into the brightening sky, concentrating fully on forcingeach of these words to pass through my lips.

"My parents weren't in a car accident."I could feel the tears beginning to run downmy face, mixing with the sweat already there."I was in the hospital because of a gunshot wound, to my chest.My father...he...he shot me and then turned thegun on himself. I don't know where mymother is." The words had gained somuch momentum by the end that they just tumbled out.When I was finished, I shut my eyes tightly, trying to block outthe pain of the memory I had just recalled.

"Why?" Meric's voicewas barely audible, as if he didn't want to intrude on the memories I was soobviously reliving. I rolled onto myside, facing away from him. I needed amoment to collect myself and to determine if I really did want to do this...Ididn't. I sat up, still staring offinto the distance.

"We...we'll be late for school," I said, realizing that I hadjust chickened out, big time. I'm sureMeric realized this as well, but he said nothing as I tried to stand up.I couldn't believe how sore I was.I turned to walk back into the house to getready for school. Meric was still lyingon the ground, but I didn't look at him.If I did, I probably would have lost it.

After showering and getting dressed, I slung my backpackover my shoulder and headed out to the driveway, where Mrs. Kinney was waitingto drive us to school. As I slid intothe back seat, I could feel Meric's eyes on me, but I still refused tolook. It took all of my willpower notto break out into tears right there in the car.I'm sure Mrs. Kinney noticed something was wrong, and the silenceduring the ride was palpable. We pulledup to the school a little before 8:00 and I muttered a goodbye as I stepped outof the car. My legs were still a littlesore, each step sparking a dull pain that began in my thighs and shot down to myankles. A few people from the footballteam waved to me as I limped into the school and I managed a weak smile inreturn. Meric walked next to me.I could tell he desperately wanted to saysomething, but was being polite and not doing so.Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.I stopped and turned to face him.

"Look, I'm sorry that I wimped out earlier in the driveway,but I just need some more time. Ipromise I'll talk to you when I can." I stared into his green eyes, trying toimpart to him how sincere I was. Hesmiled back at me and nodded, as if he had known this all along.

"See you in pre-calc," he said before turning to walktowards his homeroom. I merely shook myhead, still amazed at almost everything he did.He always knew what to say and do.I guess I was a little jealous.I wish I were able to be so...cool, like him.Ah well, maybe one day.

As I slid into my desk in the front row for homeroom, Ibecame aware that I was getting quite a lot more attention than I had on myfirst day. I slowly looked up from mydesk and turned my head to the side, looking at the people in the room.At least half of them were staring at me, afew pointing and talking. I lookeddown, trying to figure out if I had something on my shirt.After making sure I didn't and that no foodwas on my face, I started to get up. Iknew they were making fun of me for some reason and I wasn't going to sit thereand just let them do it. However, as I started to stand, a girl broke free fromthe pack and walked over to me. Iwatched her, poised to jump away at any moment like an antelope watching a lionslink through the grass. She must havesensed my discomfort because she put out a hand to try to calm me.No...she was offering it.I took it.

"I'm Jennifer," she said, a big smile gracing her face.Our joined hands shook in greeting.I had to admit she did look nice.Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I can'tappreciate the female body. I'm justnot attracted to it.

"I'm Brandon," I said, smiling a little in return.I still wasn't totally comfortable with whatwas going on, but I was slowly relaxing.I didn't really know what else to say, but she saved me from having tothink of something.

"I heard that you just transferred here a few days ago andyesterday you played with the football team at lunch and now the coach wantsyou to be the quarterback for our team I can't believe that I mean we haven'thad a good quarterback in ages and maybe now we can finally win a fewgames." Good lord woman, take abreather! I tried desperately to followwhat the hell she was saying and I know I must have looked like an idiotstaring at her with such an intense look of concentration on my face.

"Are you all right?" she asked me, concern clear in hertone. I didn't respond, still trying tofigure out what she was talking about.She waved her hand in front of my face.

"Oh...right, sorry," I said, feeling stupid.Now she probably thinks I was starting ather tits or something. "I'm just alittle tired is all. Did some runningthis morning." Jennifer was sitting alittle closer to me than I would have liked.Nervously, I looked around the room at the other students, most of whichwere watching our little conversation with more than passing interest.I turned back to Jennifer and smiled alittle. "What's yo..." I started just asthe bell rang, signaling the end of homeroom and my freedom from the clutchesof the predator. Saved by the bell,indeed. She seemed upset that our timetogether was over so quickly. As shestood, she brushed a hand across my arm.Shaking my head, I quickly gathered my things and all but ran from theroom.

Math class was fairly unexciting.My mind was focused on several different things, none of whichwere math. I was sitting next to Meric,a constant reminder of what had happened earlier in the morning.Next period I was supposed to be workingwith Justin. My mind was still tryingto process all the emotions related to that mess.I had football practice this afternoon and I had no idea what toexpect from that. Add to all of thatthe fact that I now apparently had a girl who wanted to do unspeakable thingsto me and it was safe to say that pre calculus did not even enter my thoughtsfor the 90 minutes I sat in Mr. Fallon's room.

Jennifer came up to Meric and I in the hall as we wereheading to English. I groaned inwardly,but tried to plaster a smile on my face.

"Hi!" she said, her blond hair bouncing as she ran up tous. "Hi, Meric."She gave him very little notice, herattention almost solely fixed on me."Brandon, I was wondering what you were doing this Friday.I'm having a party at my house since myparents are out of town and I wanted to know if you wanted to come because itwill be so much fun and we'll get to do whatever we want and you'll get to meeta lot of people and since you're the new quarterback everyone will want to meetyou." Here we go again.I smiled as she finished talking and glanceddown at her neck looking for gills. Shesure wasn't getting oxygen the normal way humans did, so it had to be comingfrom somewhere.

"Uh, I guess..." I said, turning my head to look atMeric. She swatted me on the arm,laughing.

"Meric's always invited, silly.See you there!" And withthat, she was gone as quickly as she had found us. I started walking again, realizing that we only had a short timeto get to English before the bell rang.Meric was laughing openly beside me.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Oh nothing. Youlooked like you were about to pass out right in front of her is all.Is your face all red for some otherreason?" We rounded the last cornerbefore Mrs. Pierce's room. I hit him onthe shoulder but he only laughed harder.We entered the room just as the bell rang, finding our seats.The person sitting in Mrs. Pierce's desk wasnot who it should have been. Instead ofour English teacher, an older woman sat there, looking particularly grumpy.

"All right class, I'm Miss Jackson," she said, emphasizingthe miss. Yeah, like anyone wouldmistake you for someone's wife. "Mrs.Pierce is sick today. She has leftinstructions that you are to work on your reports that she assigned lastclass. If you need to move to be withyour partner, do it now." Most of theclass seemed elated at this news. Ofcourse, no one would really work on their assignment.On days like these, all people did was talk, and not about whatthey should. Justin once again came andset next to me, but didn't seem interested in chatting.Big surprise there.He had Ender's Game out again and wasreading.

"That's a good book," I said to him after about 5 or sominutes had passed. He didn't evenacknowledge that I had said anything, only continued reading.Sighing, I decided to stare at my desk for awhile. Glancing at the watch on my leftarm, I saw that we still had over 80 minutes left in here.What the hell am I going to do for thatlong? I looked at Meric, but he washappily chatting with his partner for the project.He was probably the only one in the room actually getting anywork done. I sighed again as it seemedthe appropriate thing to do.

"I've read it before."Justin's voice came out of nowhere, stunning me into disbelief.It wasn't laced with the hatred that alwayssimmered just under the surface. Hewasn't Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky, either. Hewas somewhere in between. It must havebeen because he was talking about something he liked rather than talking tosomething he didn't, like me. "You'veread it?" he asked.

"Yeah, a couple times," I said turning back to face him, aneager look on my face. He must havemistaken it for something other than the happiness at having found something to do during the class, because he justgrunted and went back to reading. Okay,note to self: don't seem excited aroundhim, it just pisses him off.

About 10 minutespassed. I was slowly losing mymind. There are only so many times youcan count the tiles on the ceiling, after all.

"What about thecompanion one? Ender's Shadow." He was looking at me thistime. A battle was being waged in hishead; I could see it plain as day on his face.His desire to avoid talking to anyone vs. discussing something he loved.

"Yeah, I've readall of them. The later ones are reallydifferent from the first, but I enjoyed them in their own way."

"Cool," he said.He seemed as if he wanted to say more, butdidn't and instead looked back down to his book.I could tell, however, that he wasn't actually reading.

"What are we goingto do about this project?" I asked, hoping to keep him talking.I liked this side of him.I wanted more.

"I told you...you dothe research and I'll write it."Danger, danger! He was gettingupset again. Quick, think of something.

"Well, I don'treally know anything about Fafka and I'm really not sure where to start."He sighed and rolled his eyes, but I couldtell it was, at least partially, just a front.He was trying to make a decision.

"Fuck it, you can'teven get the name right," he said. "Canyou come over to my house tomorrow afternoon?We'll do it then." I tried veryhard to not let the excitement at this suggestion show on my face.

"Well, I don'tthink I have anything to do. I guess Icould come. What time?"

"We'll just gothere after school and my mom can drive you home after we're done."

"Sounds like aplan," I said as he went back to reading.I couldn't believe the turn of events.I wouldn't exactly call us buddies, but I think we were certainly a lotcloser than we were yesterday, and that was a good thing.I knew that I had a long way still to go,but this was a promising start.

The rest of theclass passed quickly and I was more than ready to head off to lunch when thebell rang. It seemed as if everyoneelse was as antsy as I was. Studentsexploded out of desks and ran out the door, leaving the substitute sputteringsomething about homework. Meric and Iheaded outside for lunch again and sat on the same bench as the previousday. I had been looking forward to thisall morning and was glad to finally be outside, sitting next to my new bestfriend. After a few minutes, a group ofboys came out with a football and started to play.They noticed me sitting nearby and a couple jogged over tome. I recognized one as Bryce, the boyI had thrown to yesterday for the coach.The other was someone I had yet to meet.

"Hey Brandon...wantto come play with us today?" Bryceasked, stopping a few feet in front of me.I could tell he did a lot of running.The muscles in his legs rippled as he walked.The other boy just stood there staring at me.Talk about creepy. I turned to Meric who just shrugged.Turning back to Bryce, I nodded and smiled.

"Be right there," Isaid. The boy nodded and jogged back tothe others with his friend. I smiled atMeric. "You sure you don't mind?"

He shook hishead. "You go have fun.I'll just watch."

I nodded to Mericand turned to head towards where the rest of the guys stood.The field in front of the school wasn'tquite as long as a normal football field, but it suited the needs of alunchtime game just fine. As I gotcloser, Tom seemed to be splitting everyone up into teams.

"You make 15," hesaid as I walked up. "You want to beall-time QB?" I shrugged inresponse. He tossed me the ball and theboys split into two teams of seven. Ididn't bother having any sort of huddle, as this wasn't a real game.The guys seemed to know what they weredoing, so I just let them run whatever patterns they wanted.

Everything wasgoing fine. We scored a touchdown onthe first set of downs, and the teams switched.The boy that had glared at me yesterday after Coach Thomasinvited me to join the team was assigned to guard me, to make sure that Ididn't run while everyone else was downfield.For this game, since it was tag, there wasn't an offensive or defensiveline. The other team had one blitzevery four downs and could rush me after a count of 7.Pretty standard rules that I had no problemworking with.

"Down...set...hut!"I stepped through a 5-foot drop and checkedthe left side of the field. Everyonecovered. I looked right.The same.5...6... I was running out oftime. I saw the boy running at me so Irolled out right, scrambling to get away from him.Bryce noticed that I was in trouble and drifted right to staywith me. I saw him and gunned a pass,sidearm, as I was running. He caught itand was tagged down after a 15-yard gain.I grinned as I saw Meric clapping for me from where he was watching thegame. He stopped and looked like he wasabout to shout something when my head snapped back.Someone had slammed into me from behind, driving their shoulderinto my back and dropping me to the ground.Cursing, I tried to roll over, but the person had me pinned, my facepressing uncomfortably into the dirt.

"Everyone elseseems to think you're the greatest ever, but you took my fucking spot,asshole. This is myteam, not yours." Whoever it was hadleaned down and was whispering in my ear.

"What the fuck areyou doing, Jack?" Tom had come up nextto us and was trying to pull Jack off me.Jack shrugged him off, but stood up of his own accord and walked a fewfeet away. Groaning at the pain in myback and face, I rose to a kneeling position and shook my head, trying to clearit. I felt an arm go underneath mine,pulling me upward. I stood up andstretched my back. I spun around andglared at the boy who had blindsided me.He had a cocky grin on his face.The rest of the team seemed unsure what was going to happen.I did have a desire to beat the hell out ofthis jerk, but decided on something better.

"Come on, let's play."I said, picking up the ball. Everyoneelse hesitated. "Come on!"I said again.They complied, setting up for another play."Hut!" I called, snapping the ballquickly. Jack started countingagain. I didn't even look at the guysdownfield. Instead, I stared right atJefferson's previous quarterback. Hefinished counting and started towards me once again.When he was about 3 feet away, I swung my right arm forward, launchingthe ball straight at his face. Hedidn't have a chance. It slammed intothe middle of his forehead and bounced back into the air.He dropped to the ground, holding hishead. I caught the ball as it came backdown and threw it downfield to an open receiver, who caught it for ascore. I stepped over Jack withoutlooking at him and jogged down the field to the rest of the team.A few seemed concerned about the boy who wasslowly getting to his feet behind me, but most of them realized he had earnedit after the cheap shot on the previous play.Jack was very much subdued after that, but a fire still simmered behindhis eyes. I had probably made it worse,not better. He wasn't giving up; he was just biding his time.I would need to keep an eye on him for sure.

We played for a bitlonger, but lunch ended quickly and the bell called us back to theclassrooms. Meric didn't say anythingabout what had happened and I wondered if he approved of what I had done.Probably not.He didn't seem like the type of person to resort to violence tosolve a situation.

The last two classeswent off without a hitch and I found myself heading down to the locker roomafter French. Entering the dank roomaround 3:25, I saw several members of the team in various states of undressing.Steeling my gaze straight ahead, I walkedthrough to the office in the back where I could see Coach Thomas waiting.It was tempting with so many good lookingboys all around me, but it would be really hard to explain anything thatmight...arise as a result of any wayward glances.

"Ah, Brandon.Glad you could make it," said Coach Thomasas I walked up to him and shook his hand.

"I'm lookingforward to practice, Coach," I said. Hegrinned.

"Well, it won't belong for you today. I want to get youfitted for your equipment first. Afterthat, the offense has a meeting and then you'll spend the rest of the practicewith Kurt here, our Offensive Coordinator.He'll be going over the playbook and our system with you.You've got a lot to learn.Hope you're up to it."I nodded, turning to look at the man he hadpointed out. Kurt Robinson was in hismid-30s, but was still in very good shape.He had probably spent many years playing football.

Coach Thomas tookme back to the storeroom, where I picked out the pads, helmet, jersey and pantsthat fit me best. Carrying them over myshoulder, I headed back into the main part of the locker area.The team seemed to have split into twodifferent groups, likely offense and defense, and were each having their ownmeetings. I slipped into the back ofthe group of offensive players, smiling to a couple that looked at me when Iwalked up.

"Our first gameisn't for another 2 weeks, guys, but we have a lot of work to do beforethen." Coach Robinson was standing inthe front, his arms crossed on his chest."Most of you know this already, but we have a new quarterback."He scanned the crowd, finally spottingme. "Brandon just started here atJefferson yesterday, but I think he will be a good fit.I'm going to be working with him on oursystem for most of practice, so Coach Smith will be with you outside.Don't give him any shit or you'll answer tome. Now, get to it!"A few of the boys shouted as they headed outthe door and down to the practice fields.

I stood at the backof the room alone. Coach Robinsonwalked over to me and beckoned for me to follow him to the office.When we got there, he sat down and startedrummaging through one of the filing cabinets.I sat opposite him, laying my gear down next to me.Finally, he sat up, holding a fairly thickbook in his hand.

"This is ourplaybook," he said. "Our system ispretty simple. But, you're going tohave to study hard to make sure you know all the signals and plays in and out.Also, we probably need to do some work withyou on reading defenses. But, CoachThomas seems to have a lot of faith in you, so we'll see how it goes."He slid the book across the desk to me.I opened it up and flipped through the firstfew pages, not seeing anything overly complicated."All the fun stuff is in the back, but let's cover the basicsfirst."

We spent the nexttwo hours going over the system the Jefferson football team used.I was swimming in more terms and informationthan I could easily handle, but I tried to keep my head on straight and noddedat appropriate times when Coach Robinson asked if I was keeping up.I'd need to spend some time at home workingon this. But, it wasn't normalhomework. I loved football, and I wasactually eager to spend more time working on this.I wanted to impress everyone, to show them I could be a goodquarterback.

Mr. Kinney came topick me up after I got out of practice.I climbed into the passenger seat in the 4Runner and exchanged greetingswith him.

"So, how waspractice?" he asked, his eyes darting to me occasionally when he was able tospare them from the road.

"All right," Ireplied. "I spent most of it with CoachRobinson, the Offensive Coordinator, going over the playbook and thesystem. It's a lot of information, butI think I can handle it." He nodded.

"I played some ballback in school, you know." Oh boy, herewe go. "I wasn't QB, though.Played linebacker.Maybe I could give you some pointers."I chuckled to myself.

"Sure, I'll come toyou if I need help with anything." Thatwas probably not the exact answer he was looking for, but it would have todo. I had this vision of him coming topractice with me and "helping" me out.There was no way that was going to happen.

Dinner that nightwas meatloaf, with mashed potatoes and peas.I love meatloaf. Mrs. Kinney wasa really good cook. I've got to becareful, though, that I don't eat too much.A fat quarterback gets sacked a lot.After dinner, I played around with Striker a bit before retiring to myroom to do homework and to start working on the playbook.I didn't have practice the next day, but Iwanted to get a head start on it. I wasdetermined that we would win our first game.

Meric woke me upthe next morning again, at 6AM. Iwasn't any more prepared for this than I was the previous day, but I joined himall the same. Out in the driveway, webegan to stretch.

"I lied to youyesterday," he said as he bent over, working his hamstrings.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, that routewe took. It was the hardest one Irun." He looked up at me,grinning. I played like I was going totackle him, but he easily sidestepped me, pretending to be a matador.I stomped my foot and charged again.He moved to the side again, but I stood upat the last second and caught him in a hug.He seemed shocked at first, but wrapped his arms around me after amoment. It felt great to just hugsomeone. There was nothing romantic orsexual about it, it was just an embrace of friends...of brothers.After a few moments, Meric started to pullaway. I was reluctant to let him go,but finally did, my arms dropping limply to my side.

"Can't do that toooften," he said. "Some people might getthe wrong idea." I stiffened."What's wrong?" He must have noticed myreaction to what he said. I could feeltears running down my cheeks. I turnedaway, not wanting him to see me like this.Behind me, I heard him step forward.I felt his hand on my shoulder, pulling me around to face himagain. "Tell me."

I closed my eyesand just leaned into him, needing to be supported both physically andemotionally. Apparently this particulardriveway was an area that experienced a lot of emotional breakdowns.Coming to a decision with myself, I lookedback up at him.

"My father shot mebecause I told him that I'm gay." Idropped my eyes to the ground and followed an ant as it crawled along theuneven surface. The silence wasastounding. I knew this had been amistake. I hadn't learned anything thefirst time and now I had ruined this part of my life as well.Just because I had figured out who I wasdidn't mean I had to go and tell everyone else.In that moment, I resigned myself to a life of secrecy.I couldn't tell anyone, everyone was againstme. Everyone...except Meric.I felt his hand on my chin, pushing my headback up till it was even with his.Moisture rimmed his eyes. Hedidn't say anything, just drew me back into our hug.Thank God for Meric.Without him, I likely would have gone on to live a miserable life inwhich I would have felt that I had to hide behind a mask all the time.But, in those beautiful green eyes, I foundthe strength I needed. I knew rightthen that everything was going to be fine.

"Oh Brandon..." hesaid. I could feel the love emanatingfrom him. I basked in it, soaking itup. It had been so long."I'm with you...always."I burst into tears at this.He pulled me back into the hug and we stoodthere for close to five minutes, me crying into his shoulder and he rubbing hishand soothingly on my back. Finally, Ipulled back and looked into his emerald eyes once again, reaffirming hispromise.

We decided not todo our run that morning. The moment weshared was workout enough. But itwasn't our legs that ached; it was our hearts.I had gained a lifelong ally that morning, but we both knew that it wasnot an easy path that lay ahead of us.We would get through together, or not at all.

School that day wasjust a barrier to what lay in store for that afternoon.I was very excited about going over toJustin's house to work on the project.Of course, it never fails that when you want a day to go by quickly, itslows to a crawl. By the time lunchcame around, I felt as if an entire week had passed.Finally, the final bell rang and I ran to meet Justin in theparking lot.

"Hey, I'm here." Isaid as I walked up to him. He lookedat me, a dour expression on his face.He didn't answer. Awkward... "So,how far away do you live?"

"Ten minutes."I decided to spend the few minutes until hismother arrived tracing a crack in the pavement with my foot.Finally she pulled up in a black ToyotaCamry. Justin slipped into the frontseat without a word. I sat in the back.

"Nice to meet youMrs. Benton." I could almost hearJustin rolling his eyes in the front seat.His mother looked at me through the rear view mirror and smiled.At least everyone in his family wasn't anasshole. Shortly, we pulled up to hishouse. It wasn't as big as the Kinneys'house, but was still fairly large. Theyard was neatly trimmed, a small flower garden surrounding a large tree.

We piled out of thecar and I followed Justin into his house.He kicked off his shoes at the door.I followed suit, thinking it was something expected of those who cameinto the Benton household. I waved toMrs. Benton, who was now in the kitchen at work on dinner, as we went up thestairs to his room. Not surprisingly,almost everything in it was black, save the walls.He sat down in the chair at his desk and pressed the button toturn the computer on. Not seeing anyother chairs, I sank down slowly onto the edge of his bed, waiting for him toyell at me at any moment. Luckily, hedidn't.

He turned in hischair and threw a couple books at me."Start taking notes from those."I looked down at them. They wereboth books about Kafka, the topic of our project.I pulled a notebook and pen out of my backpack. I looked at himand saw that he was also reading a book on the author.Shrugging to myself, I set to work.

After about anhour, I got up to stretch. My neck wasa little sore from being craned over the book for so long, and my arm wasstarting to hurt from all of the writing.He watched me as I paced a few steps back and forth.

"May I use thebathroom?" I asked. He didn't look toohappy at the idea, but probably couldn't think of a good reason to not letme. He pointed over my shoulder at thedoor on the opposite wall of his room.

I entered hisprivate bathroom and shut the door.Wow, this was quite an opportunity.Unfortunately, he didn't seem to keep much beyond the essentials inhere. Toothpaste, toothbrush,deodorant, a comb. Something to shavewith. I was hoping for a dirty clotheshamper, or even a towel, but there was nothing.After using the toilet, I headed back out into his room.He didn't seem to notice that I wasfinished. He was still reading hisbook. I walked towards him, my feetmaking little to no sound on the plush carpet.

When I was about afoot or two away from him, the phone rang.He turned in his chair and stood up, his nose still in the book.He stopped when he ran into me, our chestsbumping together. Talk abouttemptation. He froze.I suspected he probably hadn't been thisclose to someone in a long time, probably never another guy.Slowly, he raised his head until it was evenwith mine. The book in his hand droppedto his side. We must have stood likethat for at least 15 seconds, the sound of the phone ringing reverberatingaround us. As I looked into his eyes, Ifelt I could see straight through to his deepest thoughts.Something about that gaze gave me theimpression that it would be all right to kiss him.It just felt...right. Ileaned in, turning my head a little to the side.He didn't move, but I could feel his body tensing.Our lips touched briefly.I could feel the electricity flowing betweenus. Just when I thought everything wasgoing fine, I felt his hands against my chest, pushing me away.When I looked back at his eyes, I was shutout once again.

"Get out of myhouse," he said. But, he sounded morefrightened than angry. I nodded,gathered my things and headed downstairs, where Mrs. Benton was just finishingup with dinner.

"Uh...I'm ready togo," I said.

"All right,Brandon. Just a moment.You can go wait in the car if youlike." I walked out and sat in the car,depression quickly taking over. Howcould I have been so stupid as to actually kiss him?Mrs. Benton, true to her word, joined me inthe car after only a minute or two. Onthe ride home, our conversation was pretty strained.I had no idea if Justin had said something to her.The only talking we did was my telling herhow to get back to the Kinneys' house.

As we pulled intothe drive, I stepped out of the car with my backpack and thanked her.She nodded and drove away, probably glad tobe rid of me. I turned to face thehouse, building the resolve to enter it.I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I was almost on top ofthe car before I saw it. It was one Ihadn't seen before and was lacking a license plate.Realizing I didn't care to whom it belonged, I trudged up the drivewayand through the front door. Strikerdidn't greet me at the door like normal, but I barely noticed.All of my attention was focused instead onthe person sitting in the living room with Mr. and Mrs. Kinney.

"It can't be..."