Gareth couldn't help himself. He'd done his very best, but he couldn't hold out any longer. He laughed out loud as Zac tickled him hard under the arms.

"Shhhh! You'll get us busted!"

"Stop fucking tickling me, then!"

The majority of Zac's mind was shouting out to him to completely ignore Gareth and continue his onslaught, however his usually dormant "sensible bit" had been given a damn good kick up the backside by their joint punishment that they had yet to complete.

"We got to get him back,"

"Who?"

"That Russell guy."

"How?"

"How do I know? It's your school and he IS your housemaster..."

"Keep it down, will you? Some of us are trying to get some sleep!" yelled one of the lads from the other side of the dorm.

"He's right you know. You wanna sleep here?"

Again, had Zac not spent every second of his spare time that day staring at a sheet of feint-ruled A4 he would've done.

"I'd better not - I sleep like a log, ya know? If HE saw me in the morning we'd be really screwed!"

Gareth hugged Zac tight to him. "Night, then,"

"Yeah," said Zac, kissing him sloppily on the tip of his nose. "Night." and with that, he got from underneath Gareth's covers and padded over to his own, cold bed, dutifully stubbing his toe on one of the draws under it.

Gareth smiled, shook his head and rolled over. "Night, Zac."

"Night, man..."

"Uh, hi um... C... Could I speak to Andrew, please?"

Ike could feel his phone shaking against his ear as he spoke to Andy's mum. Was it too late to be calling? Should he have left it to the morning?

"One moment please..." The reciever was placed on a table and Ike could hear footsteps walking off, then a feint "Andy? Phone!"

Ike's heart began to beat faster and faster as he heard a heavier set of footsteps approach the phone.

"Hullo?"

"Andy?"

"Hey Ike! How you doin'? Where are you?"

"I'm good, thanks! You?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, mate! Where are you?"

"Staffordshire."

"You're WHERE?"

"Yeah! Do you remember Dean?"

"Lidster? Of course! How could I forget after I did a George of the Jungle into that beam?!"

"Yeah, well, I'm at his school! We're on exchange for a couple of weeks, then he and Gareth are coming back over to Tulsa with us for a while."

"Cool... Me dad's a bit upset at the moment - he hurt his back doing a gig and I seem to do nothin' but get under me parents feet just recently..."

An awkward silence fell upon the conversation, the only noise being the feint hiss of the phone line. Ike had to do something.

"So, er... Like what are ya doin' this weekend?"

"Uh, not a lot, why?"

"Well, I was kinda wondering if we could meet..."

"Listen, Ike, I gotta tell you... I... What we... When... Shit. I gotta tell you, Ike: I've got a boyfriend. Listen, I never thought we would see each other again... I love him, man... It was great while it lasted, but... FUCK! I'm sorry, Ike, I love him too much to.."

CALL ENDED - Cost: o0.92

Ike threw the phone onto the bed and ran down the stairs, practically sending Jaykesie flying as he passed him.

"Ike? IKE!" he yelled after him. He heard the sound of the front soor slamming and the soft scrunching sound of feet on gravel. "Friggin' hell," breathed Jaykes, grabbing his coat and car keys.

"Uh, Triv, could you get your elbow out of my crotch?"

"Shit - sorry, Dean!"

Five people in a three man tent. Five. Four was feasable, but five was just getting a little cramped, especially when the fifth occupant was more than a little jumpy at the prospect of "being surrounded by a bunch of queers - no offense!"

"Look, Spider, we are NOT going to try anything on, OK? I'm sure we can lay off the you-know-what for the rest of the evening, CAN'T WE, GUYS?" said Tay, poking Jamie and Triv in the ribs as they stared vacantly into each others minds.

I'm not quite sure what woke me: It was one of those strange, almost dream-like sensations that whistled through the deserted halls of my unconscious mind, stirring me back into the real world. As I woke, I became aware of the rhythmic sounds of my peers breathing in sleep, combined with the eerie whistling of a moderately strong wind outside.

But something wasn't right. As I stared upwards to where the tent canvas was cloaked in darkness, I tried to figure out what. Carefully, I pulled a torch from the pocket beside me and twisted it on, cupping my hand over the end to shield the intolerably bright beam. My hand glowed an incandescent red, giving me quite an impressive view of my bones and blood vessels, the glow it produced just bright enough for me to make out the forms of my sleeping companions: Jamie and Triv were lieing practically on top of one another, inextricably linked by their entwined limbs. Spider was huddled up in a ball, sucking his thumb and making little squeaking noises, and Tay was... NOT THERE!

My mind, dispite it's lethargic state, reasoned that I was in a tent and hence there were not a whole load of places to hide. My logic therefore carried through he was not in the tent - not a bad deduction for three in the morning...

I switched the torch off and replaced it in its pocket on the sloping side of the tent and pulled on my fleece that I'd been using as a pillow, being careful not to wake the others. I moved towards the end of the tent and winced as I pulled the zip up, it's distinctive sound somehow seeming a hundred times louder than it did during the day. Progressing more slowly this time I opened the "door" notch by notch just enough for we to wriggle through it.

As I stood up outside, I was greeted by a very surreal scene: Our camp ground was lit by an intensely bright full moon that highlighted everything with a quite stunning silver sheen. I looked around and saw the stationary clouds that were the sheep dotted around in the field next to us. I continued my panorama and noticed a single, solitary tree positioned at the top of the surrounding valley, now coloured the same ghostly, inanimate silver.

Everything seemed so calm, so unearthly. My mind raced at the realisation that this is how life should be, the way God intended it. Everything my eyes fell upon seemed preserved and untouched by man - even the old farmhouse a couple of hundred metres away had taken on that limbo state of quasi-existance - was it there, wasn't it there. Does it even matter if it is or it isn't? Schrodinger would've been proud of me...

Then I spotted him. He was lieing in his sleeping bag just outside the log circle, staring directly upwards into the heavens. The moon was again performing her magic by making his blonde hair appear an etherial silver, his eyes now two brilliant stars embedded in the universe of his lunar-paled complection. Quietly, I padded over to him, my bare feet being tickled by the damp, sheep-cropped grass beneath them. Gently I lay down beside him, not wishing to disturb his idyllic form.

Without moving, he whispered to me. "How can people say He doesn't exist? When you look up there and see each of the stars, perhaps with planets like ours, how can people say that they're there because of an explosion?"

I let my gaze follow his up to the pinpricks of light in the deep, deep blue of the night, suddenly realising how insignificant everything was, how petty we were in the grand scheme of things.

"See that star there?" he whispered, pointing to a very dim one, fairly detached from the others. "Just think - there might be two souls there lieing outside looking at these stars from the other side, wondering why..."

We lay there in silence for the best part of an hour, watching the universe slowly rotate about us, a couple of stars that were at the horizon disappearing over the lip of the valley, only to be replaced by an equal number appearing on the opposite side. Not a word was spoken, yet we spoke volumes to each other just by our physical closeness.

On an urge, I suddenly looked over at Tay to see a single, silver tear roll down his ashen cheek. He looked at me then leapt into my arms, sobbing.

"Dean, please don't ever leave me!" he cried, his whole body trembling with emotion.

"Sssshhh, Tay," I whispered into his ear as I hugged him close, gently rocking backwards and forwards. "I will never leave you. You mean so much to me..." my voice waivered and trembled as all of my emotions burst through and hit me in one giant rush, quite overwhealming me. Every time I thought I realised how much I loved him, I was prooved wrong. We had become so close, so intimate, so... one. We knew each other as well as we did ourselves, not a single secret being hidden. I pulled him back slightly and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. "I will always be here for you..."

He hugged me close again and began to whisper-sing into my ear:

"Kiss the rain whenever you need me Kiss the rain whenever I'm gone too long If your lips feel lonely or thirsty Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn to come Keep in mind we're under the same skies And the nights are as empty for me as for you If you fell you can't wait till morning, Kiss the rain, kiss the rain, kiss the rain..."

Gently, I lay back with Tay still holding onto me as if I was life itself. For the next hour or so, we simply lay on the ground and cuddled, the chilly breeze making us glad of each other's warmth, just gazing, thinking and trying to come to terms with how lucky we were to have even met, never mind share in a love so fundamental it would bond our spirits forever. My eyelids were getting very heavy indeed and, seeing as we had a full day of walking ahead of us, whispered to Tay that we should get back into the tent. Reluctantly we picked ourselves up and re-entered the cramped, boy-smelling canvas structure and very soon fell asleep in each others' arms.

Ike shivered as he sat on the parapet of the bridge, legs swinging, as the cold breeze blew over his T-shirt clad torso. Looking down, he could see his moonlight-silhouette in the sparkling black water below him along with the ghostly leafless skeletons of the surrtonding trees.

What'd he done to deserve this? How come his younger brothers didn't get this strife? Tay had a quite astonishing relationship with that british lad and Zac could throw himself at practically anyone AND still end up with his boyfriend. WHY COULDN'T HE?

Why had his dad gone so ape when he told him he thought he was Bi? Of course, Taylor "Perfect-I-can-do-whatever-the-fuck-I-want-and-get- away-with-it" Hanson only got a "Well, you know your own mind, Taylor - we're your parents and we'll always support you..." whereas he'd been given the full nine yards! For the next week his dad would barely look at him, never mind talk to him.

And Zac, the cocky little fuck: he was always winding him up and whenever he tried to retiliate, mommy and daddy would always come running to the rescue.

AND his boyfriend had dumped him. AND he'd been hit on by a frigging teacher.

In fact he'd probably be better off dead. No-one'd mind. No-one liked him, anyway. He wasn't a particularly talented guy - the group could find a replacement. WHY DID HE BOTHER?

He sighed and looked down at his reflection again. No - he didn't want to die. He just wanted to start over, do things a little differently. So thinking, Ike spun himself round and alighted back on the bridge's Tarmacadam road surface. He was about to set back off towards river house when a car sped round the corner on to the bridge. He spun round to see a second car coming from the opposite direction at a similar speed. The cars saw each other and pulled hard towards their respective side of the road, completey oblivious of Ike due to his taste in dark clothing.

Faced with the rather unappealing prospect of making contact with the speeding vehicle's front bumper, Ike leapt back onto the bridge wall just as the vehicle's bumper sent a shower of orange sparks into the night as it made contact with it.

Ike had been a little over-zealous with his jump. He not only made the wall, but cleared it. He was left hanging by the tips of his fingers onto the loose sandstone capping, nothing but five metres of air beneath him. Everything had suddenly gone very, very quiet. Ike took a deep breath and tried to pull himself back onto the wall top, but the weathered stone was in no condition to support his weight and gave way, plunging him into the near-freezing water below.

Ike surfaced, gasping and spluttering, his muscles cramping with the intense cold of the surrounding water. Then the stone that had been dislodged fell onto him.

Jayksie got out of his car, swearing to himself, and walked round to the passenger side bumper.

"SHIT!" he exclaimed, seeing the patch of missing chrome where he'd come into contact with the bridge. Running his fingers through his short hair in an exhasperated manner, Mr. Jaykes grabbed a torch from the glove box of the car ans started to walk back along the road to find the place where he'd actually hit the bridge. As he was approaching, he heard a feint cry, then a splash. Not quite knowing what to expect, his walk turned into a trot, then a jog, then a full speed sprint as assorted scenarios flashed through his head. He reached the edge of the bridge and looked over, shining the bright beam of his torch into the darkness below.

The sight that met his eyes made his blood run cold. He saw Ike steadily floating under the bridge, face down and motionless. As if playing some perverse game of pooh-sticks, Jaykesie raced over to the other side of the bridge. A moment later, Ike floated into view, still hopelessly unconscious, his lungs now full with the muddy waters of the River Dove.

Jaykes raced down to the side of the bridge and leapt over the rickety fence on to the sheer bank the other side. Almost immediately he lost his footing and rolled down the bank, disorienting him. Frantically he got up and looked for his torch. Nothing. The fall must've blown the bulb. Dismissing it from his mind, he ran over to the muddy river bank, his shoes being sucked from his feet within the first few steps. Undeterred, he waded into the icy water, the intense cold causing him to quickly draw breath. In the light of the full moon, he could just make out Ike's limp, lifeless form. Gritting his teeth, he strode into the river's gentle flow and grabbed Ike's arm and began to pull him back to dry land.

Everything was black.

"That's OK," thought Ike. "It's night time - it's supposed to be black..."

Then he realised he wasn't cold any more. Come to think of it, he wasn't hot either. He couldn't tell what temperature he was. He couldn't smell anything. He listened. Nothing. Complete and absolute silence. Not even the vague rumble of the blood through his ear drums. Nothing.

Ike tried to get up. He couldn't. He didn't know why he couldn't, he was just incapable of it. He decided to try something less challenging. Carefully he extended his arm, and brought it towards his nose. Nothing. No sense of movement. NO SENSE!

"HOLY SHIT!" he thought. "I'm in a coma!"

Ike began to think. Images of Tay, Zac, little Mackie, his mum and dad flashed before his mind in a way he'd never experienced before. All of his thought processes seemed to have taken on a whole new set of dynamics, now that they were no longer hampered my the regiment of consciousness or the restrictions of his physical form. His mind was free do think - and comprehend - whatever he wanted.

"Isaac," came a familiar voice. Not loudly, but it was such a contrast to the soundless void he was in it took him by surprise.

"Grandma?"

"Hello, darling," she cooed, her voice penetrating Ike's mind to the very core, symbolising to him all that was good and right.

"Grandma, ummm, arent't you, like, dead?"

"That's one way of thinking of it," she continued. "Come to me."

Not knowing how, Ike began to move towards the voice, now culminating in a pinprick of light. As he moved, the spot of light began to expand into his field of vision, revealing what he remembered as his Grandma's farm back home in Tulsa.

Ike stopped at the lip of the blackness. "Do you really want to leave your family, Isaac?" she asked.

"I... I... No... Where am I?"

"You're nowhere. You're everywhere. Does it matter?"

"I guess not"

"It is not your time," she said. "Go back to your family. They need you more than I."

"How?"

"Just walk away from this place..."

"I don't wanna leave you, grandma..."

"I'll be with you in your dreams, Isaac. Remember me."

Ike turned from her and began to move away from the light, back into the vast expanse of nothing. He faultered.

"I'll be with you, Isaac..."

"COME ON YOU SHIT!" yelled Jaykes as he desperately pumped on Ike's rib cage with all his weight. Pinching Ike's nose and tilting his head back, Jaykesie filled his lungs for the fifteenth time, wishing that their lips meeting had occured in a far different curcumstance. He exhaled gently into Ike's lungs then resumed his chest compressions, his hope of reviving him ebbing with each push.

Ike moved away from the voice and as he did so, he started to feel the "restrictions" of his body begin to return. Shit it was cold! Then he became aware of the awful sticky, tight feeling in his chest. He wanted to throw up it made him feel so bad. Summoning up all his strength, he coughed.

"Jesus Christ thankyou," yelled Jaykesie as Ike spluttered back to life, gasping for breath. Quickly, he pulled Ike into the recovery position to allow whatever fluid was left in his lungs to drain out. "Fuck you had me worried there kid,"

Ike continued to expel the murky water from his lings and replace it with the fresh, still air of the night, his breath clouding out as he exhaled.

"Come on - we're getting you to the San..." Ike was in no position to complanin.

With a fair struggle, Jaykes managed to heave Ike up the slope to his car and gently sat him in the passenger seat. He ran round to the other side and got in, turned the car around and drove back up to the main school estate where the Sanatorium was located. Ike just looked at him as he hung on to the steering wheel. 'Oh no,' he thought. 'I mustn't....'


On to Chapter Sixteen

Back to Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Index

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The Exchange is © 1999 by Dean Lidster. This work may not be duplicated in any form (physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise) without the author's written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. All individuals depicted are fictional with any resemblance to real persons being purely coincidental.

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